Is this where I belong now? :(

[smoochiegal]

Hello all of my dear friends.
I have been thinking of all of you over the past few weeks, meaning to pop on here and chat, but felt like I was not sure where I belong anymore. I guess this is it.
It has been 18 days without my sweet man. Although it feels like a lifetime...
I often have the thought 'ok, hunny, you have been gone long enough, it's time to come back home now.'
I have been surrounded by friends, family and people who just love us. What an incredible support system I have. My boys (16 and 13) are such a comfort for me. They get me up and going in the morning and give me a reason to do all the things that I have to (like eating..)
We had a Celebration of Life for my sweet man on Saturday and the thought of going was overwhelming. I just wanted him to go with me... (as I look back now, I KNOW he was with me the whole time)
It was a perfect afternoon/night/wee hours of the morning. So many stories, so many tears, so many laughs. It was so healing. It was a night I did not want to end.
The night that my sweet man and I met 7 years ago, the stars were gorgeous, it was hot and humid and there was heat lightning... Saturday night was the exact same.. He was telling me that he is still here, he is still loving me, he is still proud of me and that I am not as alone as I feel most days.
So, I will continue on... cry when I need to, love those who are around me and do things one step at a time.
Will be around as time and engery permits.
You are all still in my thoughts and prayers.
with so much love,
Cheryl

 

[Green Queen]

Cheryl...perfect.
God bless, Janelle x

 

[tripete]

Cheryl, as one PALS I hope you come back often and post here. Those of you who have been through this are such an encouragement to me. I often do not comment in stories of hope or past care givers because it stirs up to many emotions, but please know, that your contribution and support mean so much to me.

 

[Atsugi]

That was beautiful, Cheryl. Your words reflect the beauty within.

You belong wherever you want in our community.

___________________________________________
Mike

 

[MaxEidswick]

>He was telling me that he is still here, he is still loving me, he is still proud of me and that I am not as alone as I feel most days.

well said!

hugs, max

 

[bigmark1954]

Stop by often and lets us know how you are doing. Sounds like you have an amazing support group around.
There are many CALS active here that have lost their PALS.......I think it is a good thing for healing!

 

[KatB]

you are amazing

 

[cheerleader]

Cheryl, if we don't belong here, there is no place for us! Who else understands what we've been through and how difficult it is to balance our joy for their freedom and our sorrow for our own loss?
I won't lie- after 8 months it still feels like yesterday- and I still feel like I should be in thickening up a can of boost or helping dry his back- or just talking thru the day . The tears continue to fall, but also know the blessings of all we had together are so precious and he is watching and shaking his head at the stupid things I do, scolding as I've cleaned out "sacred" tools that I'll never use,and smiling at me for keeping busy, laughing and enjoying family and friends, and knowing daily he is in my heart and in every corner of our home.
Your comments were so heartfelt and summarized so much of each of the CALS story. Stay here and rejoice for our friends still able to are for their pals, and shed your tears with those of us trying to piece together a new life without them. Hugs. Donna

 

[affected]

Welcome you here with open arms Cheryl. We are family, what more can i say?

15 months later it still seems like yesterday on one hand, but it is starting to also feel like some time has passed.

Be really gentle to yourself now, it's been a huge trauma for you. You will heal, you will never get over it, but you will learn to walk with a limp. We are changed forever, and it takes time to find the new shape of your life. Don't try to rush any of it - just look after yourself and your boys.

You will always belong xxx

 

[Gembead]

You are part of this family, always welcomed, love and hugs Gem

 

[4tloml]

Cheryl, Mike, Donna and Tillie--such wise and beautiful words. Thank you for staying on here and continuing to share your journeys. You've been where so many of us are, but the love and strength you continue to reflect after your PALS passes is such encouragement.

The night that my sweet man and I met 7 years ago, the stars were gorgeous, it was hot and humid and there was heat lightning... Saturday night was the exact same..​

Cheryl, what a magical night--and reassurance that we're never alone. It was such a beautiful way for him to make his presence known.

 

[khoops93]

Beautifully said, and I have experienced a lot of what you said, too. I'm certain he will stay with you always. My heart sank to learn how young your sons are. I pray they'll remember who he was before he got "sick," and that they'll grow up to be as strong and caring as he was. I hope you continue to respect your grieving process, because what you said about being patient with yourself is inspiring, and I wish I could get my Mom to follow the same advice.
God bless.

 

[chally]

thanks cheryl for letting us know what's going on w/ ya. you are an inspiration of strength.keep coming back! love chally

 

[lgelb]

Cheryl, I think more of us still hang out in "Current Caregivers" to hopefully support those who are still current...happy to have you join us there, or anywhere.

Best,
Laurie

 

[avnl]

I would miss your inputs if you left the fold.
Anna