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mndireland

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Joined
May 17, 2008
Messages
123
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Loved one DX
Diagnosis
10/2007
Country
IE
State
Ireland
City
Dublin
Dont know where to start really, or what I came to say on this thread. Im a little lost at the moment. My mom was diagnosed Oct 07, since then she has gone downhill rapidly. First her hands, then her eating and drinking, slurred speech but now her legs are gone so weak that standing is really difficult for her. In Oct 08 we were told she was in the final stages with only days left, she pulled through and has been great since, but in the last 2 weeks she has had 2 bad falls and her balance and legs are almost gone completely, but what really scares me is the way it has affected her mentally. She was always a fighter even to the point where she told the doctors they had a cheek to tell her family she was dying when she wasnt, as she wasnt ready to die! Now things have changed, tonight she told me, I hope God takes me soon, I could handle my hands and arms but I cant handle my legs going, I cant take this anymore, I hope he doesnt leave me like this for long, It broke my heart!
On one hand Im saying to her dont talk like this, but then Im thinking that she is just venting too, but i dont want her to sink any lower into a depression. We both believe in God and I know as she told me that she has stopped praying to live but is now praying to die, the thing is, I cant...... I cant pray for God to take my mam as I dont want him too, but doesnt that sound soo selfish! She is suffering, and im watching her and hating it, so why cant I say its ok to die, But I just cant!

My sister suggested speaking to her about going to Switzerland and considering Euthinasia, (cant spell sorry) but I couldnt ever consider anything like this, It is completley against any beliefs I have.

I dont really know what my question is, if any? I suppose its the usual, what happens next, how long etc? Her fvc was at 33% last August, she is on bipap about 18hours out of 24. She is too sick for any operations, like peg or trach, so everyday there is suffering with choking, walking, talking, breathing. But do I want it to end? Of course I do, but do I want her to die, No Definately Not! So, what do I want? What do I ask of God? What am I praying for? I just feel so lost......
 

crystalkk

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I am sorry that your family is going through this. I just want to say everything you are feeling is normal. You are a great daughter and are doing everything that you possible can.
 

BethU

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Joined
May 11, 2008
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PALS
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05/2008
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California
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Los Angeles
mndireland ... I am so sorry for your mother's suffering, and yours and your sister's.

This is a very personal issue, and forgive me if it's not the right answer. I don't think you have to ask God for anything except strength for you all to get through this. I would say, release your mother to God's care. It is not your problem to solve, it is His. Your love for your mother shines through your messages, and I'm sure shines through in every word you speak to your mam too.

As Crystal said, your anguish and confusion are normal. Make sure your mother is getting every comfort available to her, and trust in your higher power. Blessings to all of you ...
 

BarryG

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mndireland;

I am very sorry for all that your mum, you and your family is going through right now. I know how difficult it is to think about losing a parent that you love very much. When my mom passed away in 2005 from Parkinson's and Oteoporosis it was the most stressful time for my sisters and myself. In the end we were just glad that she was finally at peace and out of pain. I'm not really a religious person so I can't comment on what you are asking of God but I can say that your love and support of your mom is what's the most important now.

Barry
 

hopingforcure

Very helpful member
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Hi so sorry you are going through this, I often wonder how you and your mother were doing, I remember when she was diagnosed. so sorry that things are so hard and stressful. I can only imagine you just dont no how feel..I think that an answer is just hard to find? just no we are here for you, and send sincere caring and thoughts..
 

brooksea

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mndireland-

I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and your mam. I wish that her suffering would go away and that you both could cherish the moments you have together. I pray that y'all can find peace in the midst of this battle.
 

northerngirl

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Joined
Jan 9, 2008
Messages
106
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Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
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Beautifuly said Beth

You hit the nail on the head.

mndireland ... I am so sorry for your mother's suffering, and yours and your sister's.

This is a very personal issue, and forgive me if it's not the right answer. I don't think you have to ask God for anything except strength for you all to get through this. I would say, release your mother to God's care. It is not your problem to solve, it is His. Your love for your mother shines through your messages, and I'm sure shines through in every word you speak to your mam too.

As Crystal said, your anguish and confusion are normal. Make sure your mother is getting every comfort available to her, and trust in your higher power. Blessings to all of you ...
 

lostinlouisville

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You are a wonderful daughter, I cherish every prayer my kids send up for me more than anything in the world, I am sure your mother knowing you are by her side loving her and praying with her and for her is worth everything. I think a prayer for peace is always a good prayer, I just prayed it for you and your mom and whole family. I know even in the most troubling times peace can bring a calm that nothing else can. I believe God has a plan for each one of us, I don't understand the suffering in this world, but just hold her hand a release her to him. I will be in more prayer for you and your family and may God Bless.

Renee
 

swmn

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Apr 7, 2007
Messages
146
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CALS
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Wi
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marshfield
God grants peace

Hi Mndireland

i have not posted since posing the loss of my dear friend - and surrogate brother.
I have to tell you the emotions of my loss and his freedom are so complex and I canteven beging to explain and you are experiencing much of the same - and honestly - i did not want my dear brother to pass -B.C. I was about totake him to a very precious / favorite opera of his in one week! ( $400 tickets & a special plan of a fun daytogether!) He dying one week before our special day together - well it was upsetting - we missed out on something he had been looking forward to for 3months! - but at the same time, he greatly deteriorated and had suddenly become very incapacitated - he had deteriorated quickly like your mom. I went and visited ( 4 hours from here) every 2 to 3 weeks and I was so happy he continued to fight his battle - but when he got to the ugly endstage that he was so afraid of - well it was God's Blessing and Mercy that freed john - I believe John WON the battle when he finally passed b.c he was free - those of us left behind, well we lost john and we are so sad for that - but yeat so happy that the painful deterioration of his body, while his mind was so lucid and sharp - it had to be insanty for him -
and so I believe that praying for God's grace and Peace for your mother is a wonderful - selfless act - You are placing the power and decisions in God's hands and I always felt that God knows best and does things for a purpose - so for him to simply grant peac and mercy - well - he knows how he wants to do that --- best of luck
and I wish you and your mom God's Peace and mercy
 

Debbie53

Active member
Joined
Aug 16, 2008
Messages
86
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Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
08/2008
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US
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CO
City
Greeley
Mndireland, I really feel for you. It's been almost 4 months since my dad passed, and I was with him almost round the clock. He was so ready to go by then, although 6 months earlier he would have been the last person to want to go. He was not religious and I'm not either, (although I keep an open mind about it). But life had gotten so excruciating, exhausting, and humiliating that, by then, he wanted to be done with it, regardless of whether there was an afterlife or not. I would think a firm belief in God would make it that much easier.

In any case, I wish you peace of mind. I still deal with the occasional "if only I had - -", or "I hope he knows I meant - -" but they are slowly receding. The bottom line is, he knew I loved him, and I'm sure your mam knows you love her. That is really all that's in your control. I am so sorry you have to go through this.
 

hopingforthebest

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355
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02/2007
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NJ
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Mays Landing
God's grace and mercy

Dear Ireland

I see we are responding to a post that is over 10 days since you first posted regarding your mother. As you read from each person, you are not alone in all your feelings. How do we bear seeing our loved one suffer this horrible disease and not feel helpless. We thank God that we have His assurance of eternal peace through His Son Jesus. We know by reading His Word of the "promise" that absent from the body, present with the Lord. Your Mother knows where she is going but leaving you is hard. The only thing that gives me peace is being sure of heaven and being together someday, free from disease, our bodies restored and whole.

Will pray for your strength, God's grace and mercy. He understands what we are going through. He watched His son suffer for us so that we can all be together.

You are a wonderful daughter!

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, whatever things are true, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, do and the God of peace will be with you.

In Christ,

Patty and George
 

mndireland

Distinguished member
Joined
May 17, 2008
Messages
123
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
10/2007
Country
IE
State
Ireland
City
Dublin
Thank You

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and words of kindness. Im not a really religious person, but I do believe in God and the afterlife, and I have been raised a catholic girl, so I do still hold the beliefs. My mam does too, and regularly goes to mass. She has been asking lately about the dead, My father passed 28years ago and my mum raised their 4 young kids alone. She has asked us questions like, dont they say you can see the dead when your time is coming, and dont they say that your loved ones come for you when its your time. Then she asked my sister a few days ago, Do you think your Dad is angry with me? Ive not felt him around, I dont think he's coming for me. My sister's response was, He is here and always has been but maybe its not your time yet, when it is, he'll bring you.
So, ive started praying to him now, rather than God, to be with her, Ive told him she's scared, and is afraid of dying, and I think he should be helping her now. I hope he listens! I do think that we have weeks if not months left, even though the docs are astonised she is still here, Im due my first baby in 12 weeks, and I think she is determind to meet her new grandchild. Here's hoping.....
 

Bujy

Active member
Joined
Sep 22, 2007
Messages
33
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
Family
Country
CA
State
BC
City
Vancouver
Dear Ireland.. as I'm sure you know, you can talk to God about anything. Tell Him that you're not sure what to ask for. You're not sure how to feel. Perhaps through prayer and the Word, you can find an answer to this question. I tend to think of prayer as anything you want to talk to God about. You can ask for whatever you want. He is amazing. You can vent. You can be angry, sad and happy. He knows what you need even though you may not be asking for it.

Thinking of you.
 

shelli458

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Joined
Nov 9, 2006
Messages
18
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
US
State
Ca.
City
Ventura


The day my mom died I screamed at God to either let her die or get better. when she died I cursed God.....NOthing makes sense when your grieving I'm so sorry for you:-:)!:
 

DCL1964

Active member
Joined
Mar 22, 2010
Messages
37
Reason
CALS
Country
US
State
VIRGINIA
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WOODBRIDGE
Only thing I can add is where there is life, there is hope. It's an old cliche but one that I strongly believe in. Hang in there.
 
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