mndireland
Distinguished member
- Joined
- May 17, 2008
- Messages
- 123
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Diagnosis
- 10/2007
- Country
- IE
- State
- Ireland
- City
- Dublin
Dont know where to start really, or what I came to say on this thread. Im a little lost at the moment. My mom was diagnosed Oct 07, since then she has gone downhill rapidly. First her hands, then her eating and drinking, slurred speech but now her legs are gone so weak that standing is really difficult for her. In Oct 08 we were told she was in the final stages with only days left, she pulled through and has been great since, but in the last 2 weeks she has had 2 bad falls and her balance and legs are almost gone completely, but what really scares me is the way it has affected her mentally. She was always a fighter even to the point where she told the doctors they had a cheek to tell her family she was dying when she wasnt, as she wasnt ready to die! Now things have changed, tonight she told me, I hope God takes me soon, I could handle my hands and arms but I cant handle my legs going, I cant take this anymore, I hope he doesnt leave me like this for long, It broke my heart!
On one hand Im saying to her dont talk like this, but then Im thinking that she is just venting too, but i dont want her to sink any lower into a depression. We both believe in God and I know as she told me that she has stopped praying to live but is now praying to die, the thing is, I cant...... I cant pray for God to take my mam as I dont want him too, but doesnt that sound soo selfish! She is suffering, and im watching her and hating it, so why cant I say its ok to die, But I just cant!
My sister suggested speaking to her about going to Switzerland and considering Euthinasia, (cant spell sorry) but I couldnt ever consider anything like this, It is completley against any beliefs I have.
I dont really know what my question is, if any? I suppose its the usual, what happens next, how long etc? Her fvc was at 33% last August, she is on bipap about 18hours out of 24. She is too sick for any operations, like peg or trach, so everyday there is suffering with choking, walking, talking, breathing. But do I want it to end? Of course I do, but do I want her to die, No Definately Not! So, what do I want? What do I ask of God? What am I praying for? I just feel so lost......
On one hand Im saying to her dont talk like this, but then Im thinking that she is just venting too, but i dont want her to sink any lower into a depression. We both believe in God and I know as she told me that she has stopped praying to live but is now praying to die, the thing is, I cant...... I cant pray for God to take my mam as I dont want him too, but doesnt that sound soo selfish! She is suffering, and im watching her and hating it, so why cant I say its ok to die, But I just cant!
My sister suggested speaking to her about going to Switzerland and considering Euthinasia, (cant spell sorry) but I couldnt ever consider anything like this, It is completley against any beliefs I have.
I dont really know what my question is, if any? I suppose its the usual, what happens next, how long etc? Her fvc was at 33% last August, she is on bipap about 18hours out of 24. She is too sick for any operations, like peg or trach, so everyday there is suffering with choking, walking, talking, breathing. But do I want it to end? Of course I do, but do I want her to die, No Definately Not! So, what do I want? What do I ask of God? What am I praying for? I just feel so lost......