Hi Olly, she does have some folks coming in. From what I've been able to gather, someone comes in every morning to help get her ready for the day. I think they stay for an hour. I thought someone came at night too, but her mom told me that doesn't happen. I'm not exactly sure who it is that comes in the morning, I mean if it's a nurse, doc, volunteer, etc.? Her mom is working hard to get some help. I think she's at the point where she's going to hire a lawyer for help. Her mom is such a fighter, a strong woman! I'm so glad that my friend has her and that she hasn't given up with all the challenges my friend's husband has thrown at her. Her mom has talked with someone from the hospital and that person confirms that she was suppose to go home this last time to her mom's house, but something changed at the last minute and her mom's not sure what that was. My friend has signed over her power of attorney to her husband and now nothing can happen without his approval, I also think that is getting in the way of her mom meeting with the doc. I thought about trying to just 'happen to show up' when the caretaker is there in the morning, however I'm just not able to get over there during the time that the caretaker is there right now (due to our own family situations that are going on) and my friend had said that she didn't want me to come early in the morning, she wants time to get ready for her day, so I do want to respect that also. I agree with you that she's not strong enough to stand up to her husband. In my opinion I think she wants out, but part of her doesn't want to lose her husband and of course her kids! I think she's decided to 'settle' for what's easiest for him and in the meantime might be realizing that it should be more, but is too druged up and weak to do anything about it....which makes me sad because she deserves so much more!
As for ALSA visiting, I'm not entirely sure who comes in and out right now. Her mom said that as the regular folks who were coming in, start to get too involved with the situation, her husband changes who comes in, to someone new. Her mom said that when she trys to discuss the situation with the new folks, they disagree, and think he is just wonderful with her (which was the part I identified w/when I read Delb's thread). I know that hospice is now becoming involved and I'm hoping this will be a support for her, however, she seems to be alone so much. I mean her husband and step daughter are at the house, and her husband is even in the room a lot because he works from home and she is set up in his office. So he's in the room with her, but not with her, you understand what I mean?
Okay, so my plan is to try and find out exactly who visits her, see if I can talk to her husband and see if I can 'give him a break' - I like that idea. Then try and get to the bottom of this with her. I'm not sure if he'll go for it, but I will certainly try! I must say that I am concerned that I'm not qualified to 'take care of her' for an extended period of time. I certainly am not comfortable giving her any meds, especially because it seems like she gets too much. I have no problem helping her with toileting (actually one of the other times I was there, she had to go, but he was on the phone and didn't come in, so she looked at me w/saddness and asked if I would be willing to help her. Of course I did and told her that I felt honored that she trusted me enough to let me do this for her (I know it was hard for her to ask me to do this). I have no problem learing any of the things that I need to do to assist her in any way that I can while I'm there, I actually want to learn! I just need someone to teach me. I am also going to try texting her more often and maybe I'll hear back from her one of the times, and lastly I've already sent her mom the link to this website and encouraged her to join and get on and start reading and sharing. I think it would be helpful for her to get support that she's doing the right thing! I will also encourage my friend to get on this forum also! Hopefully her box will be up and working sooner than later! Actually, I'm going to bring my laptop the next time I go over and we can go one together!
Okay, I feel a bit better that I have something to start with! Thank you so much for responding! I pray that I can help her get out of this situation and into a better one!
Wendy
