It is interesting to think on a wide open world. I’m even thinking on traveling a bit. At the moment, it’s between Spain, Ireland, and Australia
I am amazed at the massive amount of a**hattery not only we CALS and PALS face, but many others dealing with terminal and life threatening situations and their aftermath.
I am SO not the only broken person out there who has had to deal at work, with “friends”, etc.
I think it may be this: we are the walking, breathing reminders that it could be you, it could be anyone. The folks who literally saw Brian Walk a pitched roof and 10 months later walk with a cane, saw us both lose everything he was or even just heard about it saw that it can be anyone.
I look back at old Facebook posts of mine, pre Brian Dx. Spooky but true that one was about and a friend who in 2014 who was a CALS before me. I made many posts about gratitude. If I’m just grateful enough, it’ll ward off the evil spirits, right? Right?
The reaction can also be to make distance, to reject it, even to find crazy ways to blame the victim. I felt when I came back to work that first day after the Dx a weird burst of hostile questioning from my boss about a matter I was in fact dealing with appropriately (and that was another boss!).
I felt it in people who said weird, inappropriate things. To this day I still feel it at times. We proved that gratitude, hard work, and Kale won’t keep you safe from those things which everyone fears. I think people were once more aware of that actually and more accepting of it. Now, avoiding GMO’s or sugar or sitting or whatever is suppose t keep us 100% in control of our destiny. Except wait that guy did that and look at him! How far can I distance myself from this? Set callous button on to “high”.....
It goes definitely for the grieving widow with some folks, a living reminder that you can be having a great marriage, a great life and <poof>.
One good thing (maybe two) events of this week made me do:
1. Admit I’m broken. I could not and cannot navigate this supervisor in my current state, and that’s actually been a problem from day 1 with him. Aside from that even, I needed to admit to myself I’m broken.
2. Leave this job. It’s been time for a long time for many reasons. This episode pushed the envelope. Waiting to get another job probably only would have pushed me into another lousy, even if well paid job.
Honestly, I would still not 100% trust my own choice to leave were in not for #1. I really cannot navigate this guy now, nor could I after a leave. A month or two would hamper my peers and bring me right back under him, in a place with the same issues.No.
Sometimes it really does happen as it should.