The Next Part of the Journey

gooseberry

Extremely helpful member
Joined
Jul 2, 2014
Messages
3,457
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
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FL
3 years out for me. I thought I was handling it all so well. It was a blur and bad decision after bad decision. Life is finally settling in a good way. I too was on the verge of a diabetes diagnosis. I now go to a bootcamp and eat better than I have in 20 years. It is really hard to take care of yourself. I have had to learn how to do it. I had a shoulder surgery last year. Old injury and the stress of caregiving made it impossible to heal so I took 8 weeks off and had the surgery. 8 weeks....gives you a lot of time to think....and think I did. It was the first time since Steve died I allowed myself to really think about the crazy journey we were on, the fallout from it, and what I wanted in life going forward. All the thinking took me to a really dark place for awhile. Thank God for girls nights out, supportive friends, and kids that understand.
 

Narrowminded

Very helpful member
Joined
Apr 30, 2016
Messages
2,312
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
07/2007
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US
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PA
Lenore so sorry I missed the post about the phone interview. Yeah and offer then talk, never heard of that before. I agree, go away, far far away. So happy you told them no. Something will come up if it’s meant to be.

Goose - great to hear from you. Glad you are healing in more ways than one.

Hugs
 

Lkaibel

Forum Supporter
Very helpful member
Joined
May 9, 2016
Messages
1,214
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
06/2016
Country
US
State
MN
Yes the whole “talk to your supervisor post offer” thing startled me for sure.

I actually looked it up online and apparently it’s something a few companies are trying to pull off and it comes from the academic world. Big problem is academia and business are not even close to the same thing, and if your supervisor talked to your HR department first they’d be sure to shut it down in a heartbeat due to liability issues.

Where DO they get the people who try to pull nonsense like this in an employees job market!

Things on Friday made me ever more committed to seeking a new position. I even considered leaving without another position, but decided against it over the weekend for numerous reasons.

I won’t bore the heck out of anyone with details, but you know it’s time when the trust is gone. Carefully measured words, documenting simple transactions and tasks, wondering for the first time ever if you’re heading for a written warning.

It’s my boss yes but it’s also the way the whole place is working now. It also occurred to me that bottom line, I’m never going to forgive my current supervisor for some of his behavior around Brian’s illness. The relationship is not for me repairable.

Last of all, my job is making me not like myself some days, and that’s the worst thing of all.

Off to work from home today - that’s a blessing!
 

Narrowminded

Very helpful member
Joined
Apr 30, 2016
Messages
2,312
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
07/2007
Country
US
State
PA
Lenore, it does sound like the handwriting is on the wall about changing positions, if for nothing more than your sanity. Praying you find something quickly.

Hugs
 

soonerwife

Very helpful member
Joined
Mar 16, 2016
Messages
1,514
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
10/2015
Country
US
State
Oklahoma
Lenore, I hope you can find another job soon. Grieving for your loved one is hard enough, you shouldn't have to deal with untrustworthiness from your employer. That just sucks! I'm sorry things are so hard!
 

lgelb

Forum Supporter
Moderator
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
7,255
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
09/2009
Country
US
State
WA
Get your résumé out there, Lenore! Update your LinkedIn, all that good stuff.
 

affected

Guru status reached
Joined
Apr 26, 2013
Messages
11,522
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
05/2013
Country
OZ
State
home
I know you will find the right place to move to because you are right on top of your priorities Lenore
 

Lkaibel

Forum Supporter
Very helpful member
Joined
May 9, 2016
Messages
1,214
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
06/2016
Country
US
State
MN
I did a beautiful thing today. I resigned. I gave 30 days notice. I need time. I need to heal. I need to rewind and sort it out. My last day is June 13th. After that, I may not even look for a few weeks or a month.
An ugly episode precipitated it, but it’s not “the reason”. This job was wrong for me three years ago when Brian was Dx’d, and now I can have space to heal and figure out what comes next.
 

Narrowminded

Very helpful member
Joined
Apr 30, 2016
Messages
2,312
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
07/2007
Country
US
State
PA
Lenore I’m so happy to hear you are taking care of you. Yes taking that time to heal will be huge. Figure out who you are now and what is best for you. Know you are in my prayers.

Hugs
 

wishmobbing

Senior member
Joined
Dec 5, 2017
Messages
707
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
07/2017
Country
DE
State
Germany
Yes! Make this a BIG vacation. Don't rush into a new job.

The five month I was unemployed after my PALS death were a good mixture of just taking a breath, rebuilding my life and fun stuff. Well, grieving might have been a part of it, too. Though it's not the thing that comes to mind first. Likely because I had the freedom of my own pace.
The really good part is my new work. I started into the job with a bunch of energy and it's been a rewarding fresh start.

You deserve a good employer and I know that there'll be a fine job just waiting for you when you're ready for it.
 

MarieLaure

Forum Supporter
Distinguished member
Joined
May 16, 2018
Messages
190
Reason
Loved one DX
Diagnosis
10/2015
Country
FR
State
Ile de France
On June 13th let’s celebrate your freedom from that job that was so hurtful. How about reopening a virtual bar to celebrate any good news from any member. You certainly made a good decision. Enjoy the break as you say you need it. Hope the next few weeks will be easier now that you know you’re on the move.
 

soonerwife

Very helpful member
Joined
Mar 16, 2016
Messages
1,514
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
10/2015
Country
US
State
Oklahoma
I'm glad you can resign and take care of you... I so hope you find just the right job when it's time.
 

Jrzygrl

Distinguished member
Joined
Feb 14, 2017
Messages
490
Reason
CALS
Diagnosis
08/2014
Country
US
State
NJ
Good for you, Lenore! I can hear the relief in your voice. Hope this time off lets you sort things out and find your way again.
 

Lkaibel

Forum Supporter
Very helpful member
Joined
May 9, 2016
Messages
1,214
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
06/2016
Country
US
State
MN
My boss wrote me up Tuesday over an argument on Friday. I was loud and not professional and I accept and acknowledge that. I was trying to meet with him to discuss and apologize, but he turned it into a disciplinary action.

He and I have never been a big hit together, but a part of my soul just had to take a big WOW at him writing me up now for this knowing my circumstances.

Swearing at him, insubordination, I could have seen it but I was guilty of none of those things.I’ve been there 5.5 years and worked to no end. My husband has been gone 63 days so I thought a serious conversation would have been in order, but maybe just maybe an ounce of compassion.

Yup, it was far from the only thing but I wanted to make it the last thing. I needed something I think to pry my hands loose from that joint and that was it.
 

Narrowminded

Very helpful member
Joined
Apr 30, 2016
Messages
2,312
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
07/2007
Country
US
State
PA
That was the definite sign you needed. I’m so sorry it happened the way it did though. I doubt that was called for, man I’d have a file full of write ups if I wrote someone up every time they got loud during a discussion.

Hang in there, it’s almost over.
 
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