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Rae

Member
Joined
Jul 12, 2007
Messages
12
Reason
PALS
Country
US
State
NJ
City
Pennsville
Hi Everyone, This is so difficult for me to write, but I wanted to let you all know that my husband Marv passed away this weekend on Sat. the 18th. He had been getting weaker everyday and last Thursday he started running a fever. I gave him meds. for fever plus antibiotics, but he just got weaker. We ended up calling 911 on Friday night and they hooked him up with fluids and heavy duty antibiotics. I think he had 5 different bags hanging there. They did stat blood work and found out he was septic. Since he had a DNR they couldn't vent him, but I took his bi-pap with us, so his breathing was good, even his pulse ox was 95 to 97. I sent the kids home around 3:00AM and they said they were getting him a room and would be moving him out of the ER. We did allow them to put a central pic line in to administer heavy duty meds to keep his blood pressure up. Anyway, at 6:30 am I found out it would be another 1/2 hr to and hour before they took him to his room, so I said I would come home and shower and be right back. The nurse said she thought that was a good idea. I left at 7:00 am, came home and showered, made a couple of calls and was getting ready to walk out the door and the hospital called and said I needed to get back there right away. Of course, he had already died when they called, but they said they couldn't tell me that over the phone! I felt sooooooooooooooooo rotten because I left and he was alone. I don't know if I'll ever get over that! Well- I'm tired - not much sleep in 2 days. Love to all thanks for your help and advice in the short time I've been posting. I intend to keep reading all your posts and maybe I can help someone else in some way bear these terrible things this awlful disease has caused all of us. Love Rae in NJ
 

Al

Moderator emeritus
Joined
May 25, 2004
Messages
7,960
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2003
Country
CA
State
On
City
NW of Toronto
Hi Rae. So sorry to hear about Marv. You should not feel guilty about anything you did or think you didn't do. Given what you were told I think most of us here would have done the same. Thanks for offering to stay and offer us your experience. We need people like you. My condolences to you and your family.
AL.
 

Icanmanz

Senior member
Joined
Jul 14, 2007
Messages
947
Reason
PALS
Country
Uni
State
Texas
City
Tomball
Rae said:
Hi Everyone, This is so difficult for me to write, but I wanted to let you all know that my husband Marv passed away this weekend on Sat. the 18th. He had been getting weaker everyday and last Thursday he started running a fever. I gave him meds. for fever plus antibiotics, but he just got weaker. We ended up calling 911 on Friday night and they hooked him up with fluids and heavy duty antibiotics. I think he had 5 different bags hanging there. They did stat blood work and found out he was septic. Since he had a DNR they couldn't vent him, but I took his bi-pap with us, so his breathing was good, even his pulse ox was 95 to 97. I sent the kids home around 3:00AM and they said they were getting him a room and would be moving him out of the ER. We did allow them to put a central pic line in to administer heavy duty meds to keep his blood pressure up. Anyway, at 6:30 am I found out it would be another 1/2 hr to and hour before they took him to his room, so I said I would come home and shower and be right back. The nurse said she thought that was a good idea. I left at 7:00 am, came home and showered, made a couple of calls and was getting ready to walk out the door and the hospital called and said I needed to get back there right away. Of course, he had already died when they called, but they said they couldn't tell me that over the phone! I felt sooooooooooooooooo rotten because I left and he was alone. I don't know if I'll ever get over that! Well- I'm tired - not much sleep in 2 days. Love to all thanks for your help and advice in the short time I've been posting. I intend to keep reading all your posts and maybe I can help someone else in some way bear these terrible things this awlful disease has caused all of us. Love Rae in NJ


Hi Rae----Bless your heart! You didn't know he was going to pass, when you went home to shower. I know you feel bad because he was all alone, but you didn't know. May he rest in peace. He is not suffering anymore. Every time when I read about someone dying of this terrible disease, it breaks my heart, because I know what it's like. By the time these sweethearts leave this earth they are so tired, so wasted, and bless their souls they can't move nor speak, that is what is so sad. May God bless you and your family. I will keep you guys in my prayers.

Irma
 

Peg B

Distinguished member
Joined
Nov 5, 2006
Messages
414
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
10/2006
Country
US
State
Michigan
City
Flint
Dear Rae,

I am too so sorry to hear what you are going through. As human beings we often suffer guilt. To be with our loved one at the moment of death is truely a moment in time we cannot control. I stayed with my father in law in the hospital, "just in case" but I fell asleep. I stepped out of the room in my apartment just before my mother passed away in our room. I left for a 1/2 hour and my sister left this earth. I was there when my mother in law passed but saw it is their own moment and we cannot really share it. Take heart that you loved and cared for your husband as did your children and he knew he was a loved man. God Bless and give you peace. Sincerely, Peg B
 

CindyM

Moderator emeritus
Joined
Sep 17, 2006
Messages
3,543
Reason
Learn about ALS
Country
US
State
New England
City
Anytown
Hello Rae, I think Peg's statement says it all.
it is their own moment and we cannot really share it.
He knew and still knows how much you loved him and sacrificed for him. Hug your children and know that, when your time comes, you will also be grateful for all they will do for you, even when your own final moment comes to transition alone to the other side. Hugs, Cindy
 

shellshell

Active member
Joined
Apr 11, 2007
Messages
61
Reason
Loved one DX
Country
US
State
Arkansas
City
Scott
I'm so sorry Rae for your loss...Please know you have many friends on this forum that are praying for you and your family...

Michelle Thomas
 

ccox

Active member
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
71
Country
US
State
TX
City
austin
I'm sorry for your loss. :cry: As the others have said, there's no way to know exactly when the moment of death will occur. The professionals gave you the go ahead to go home for a short while, there was no reason to think they would mislead you. Take heart in knowing you did all you could for him while he was alive. He is free of his pain now.
 

brooksea

Legendary member
Joined
Sep 27, 2006
Messages
5,171
Reason
Other
Country
HM
Dear Rae,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You were there for your husband throughout his illness and that is truly something for the rest of us CALS to be inspired by. I hope you and your family can remember the goods times you had with your husband.
 

anne

Distinguished member
Joined
Jun 22, 2006
Messages
157
Country
CA
State
ontario
City
unionville
Hi Rae: I am very sorry to have read about the passing of your beloved husband. I am sorry that you were not there when he passed but perhaps that is what he wanted and waited for the moment that he wished. I will certainly keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Anne
 

edna may

Active member
Joined
Dec 13, 2006
Messages
66
Reason
PALS
Country
US
State
orange county
City
laguna woods
jimercat said:
Dear Rae,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. You were there for your husband throughout his illness and that is truly something for the rest of us CALS to be inspired by. I hope you and your family can remember the goods times you had with your husband.

So very sorry for your time of grief, God Bless. EM
 

shannonme

Active member
Joined
Dec 14, 2006
Messages
34
Reason
CALS
Country
US
State
OR
City
Portland
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. A nurse friend once told me that often loved ones will wait until their family leaves the room to pass on.

Peace to you and your family, Rae.

Shannon
 

MtPockets

Very helpful member
Joined
Jun 1, 2006
Messages
1,528
Reason
PALS
Diagnosis
05/2006
Country
US
State
Ms
City
Gulfport
Peace to you dear Rae

Know that you are not alone and are in all of our prayers.

God Bless
Capt AL
 

Judy Deterding

New member
Joined
Nov 10, 2007
Messages
2
Reason
Lost a loved one
Country
US
State
Texas
City
dallas
Rae

Never feel bad that you left him. He might have waited for you to leave so that he too could move on. Maybe he wanted to spare you the final moments so that you could remember the good moments before this terrible disease took over.

Judy
 
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