Don't mean to hijack...
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jayswife
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I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate. I miss my husband's touch, he has no use of his arms. When I transfer him I stop for a few seconds and hug him but he cannot return the hug so I don't know if he even wants me to hug him. He sleeps on the couch so when I lay him down I think about laying with him for a few but again I don't know if he wants that. I want and need that but I don't know what his feelings are which is so frustrating.
My husband doesn't talk to me about his feelings or much of anything lately only to tell me what he needs me to do for as far has his care needs. So maybe your wife needs to hear how you feel and needs to know what you need too. She may be so busy and stressed and sad that she doesn't think about these things. Talk to her. That's the best thing that you can do. I hope you have the outcome that you need.
Hugs to you.
Amy
My husband doesn't talk to me about his feelings or much of anything lately only to tell me what he needs me to do for as far has his care needs. So maybe your wife needs to hear how you feel and needs to know what you need too. She may be so busy and stressed and sad that she doesn't think about these things. Talk to her. That's the best thing that you can do. I hope you have the outcome that you need.
Hugs to you.
Amy
BlueandGold
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Amy you need to communicate with him. It's very hard for men to ask for affection and when we don't get it we assume our mates have no desire for us any longer. Sure it has to be excruciating to know he cannot return your personal touches, however there is very little that is as important as human touch. Tell him you miss caressing and hugs and ask him if it would be ok if you "stole" one now and then. Tell him his physical limitations do not make you want to stray from him that you still want that physical interaction. Even just holding his cheeks and kissing his eyelids. Running your fingers through his hair or rubbing his temples. Use every chance to brush against him. I love it when my wife does that.
Vince
Vince
azgirl
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This thread has givin me much to think about. Instead of feeling bad and resentful, I tried being extra thankful and loving. For two days every time my husband walked By me I asked for a kiss on my head and called him some silly, yet affectionate term endearment. This made us both laugh, and definitely lightened the mood. Last night, instead of putting me in bed and retreating to his tv, he put on a movie and laid in bed with me. So sweet.
I realized that I am the one that is feeling unlovable, and disgusted with my own body. He is exhausted and doing the best he can. We both needed to hit the reset button, and it worked.
Thanks Vince for starting this important discussion, and all the input and replies from Pals and cals.
I realized that I am the one that is feeling unlovable, and disgusted with my own body. He is exhausted and doing the best he can. We both needed to hit the reset button, and it worked.
Thanks Vince for starting this important discussion, and all the input and replies from Pals and cals.
affected
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Oh my I just had a little cry reading Kay's own personal victory as a result of this thread. That's two PALS lives changed - Vince what empowerment you have enabled by laying your feelings on the line here!!!
Every one of you, make sure you touch your PALS or CALS with affection, with some light heartedness and tell them somehow how wonderful they are.
It is life-changing I can see that clearly here in this thread.
Every one of you, make sure you touch your PALS or CALS with affection, with some light heartedness and tell them somehow how wonderful they are.
It is life-changing I can see that clearly here in this thread.
jayswife
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Thank you Vince I really appreciate your response. Funny thing is last night when he went to bed on the couch I stopped for a minute and put my head against his neck. That must have triggered something because he wanted me to lay with him so I did for about an hour until I was very sleepy and went to bed. He called for me during the night and told me that he misses and needs my touch and I told him that I feel the same way so I went to sleep with him on the couch.
Amy
Amy
BlueandGold
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Amy you made my day (and your husband's). Us pals have such very little to look forward to and have to live with the continual losses. We say, as do family and some friends that even though our bodies are drastically changing that we are the same person inside. I'm still not sure about that but I do know we need human interaction. I firmly believe we live longer if we have it.
Going to a hotel this weekend. She arranged it. Don't know what to expect but I'll take whatever I can get! I leave her short inspirational and loving notes every morning.
Vince
Going to a hotel this weekend. She arranged it. Don't know what to expect but I'll take whatever I can get! I leave her short inspirational and loving notes every morning.
Vince
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Vince, I am so happy for you and tears are flowing. Amy, you go girl. Thanks for spreading the love around. Vince, you thread gave me a lot to think about. Thank you for sharing.
sunandsea
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This thread is incredible! I'm just catching up and reading such wonderful stories and outcomes from it. It has given me a lot to think about as well. Vince - thank you! I'm so glad things are improving for you and for others.
BlueandGold
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Folks I just can't believe how this situation has turned around. Every morning I leave her a note on my iPad telling her how beautiful she is, how smart she is, how kind, strong, caring and especially sexy too! Of course I mix it up in different ways but leave her a positive message every morning. Every evening for the last 5 nights she gets in bed with me and we watch tv and snuggle. I've gotten more kisses in the last week than I have since I was diagnosed. I owe all of this to you CALS. I just didn't know what to do and you led me in the right direction; turn all this away from me and turn it towards her. Yes I'll suffer for a few more months but she may suffer from the memories that come at the end for years. Got to give her as many joyous moments as I can.
I just can't thank you all enough. What warm hearts you all have.
Vince
I just can't thank you all enough. What warm hearts you all have.
Vince
affected
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Oh Vince 
While you have achieved the outcome you wanted, you have achieve 1000 times more than that as well!
And you are right, this gift is going to help her a lot when you are gone. I hate to think of the regrets she may have suffered. Now she is open to making the most of every day, and every evening with you, and your lives are so enriched again!
At the end of the day, we chimed in, but you made this happen. I'm in awe of you mate xxx
While you have achieved the outcome you wanted, you have achieve 1000 times more than that as well!
And you are right, this gift is going to help her a lot when you are gone. I hate to think of the regrets she may have suffered. Now she is open to making the most of every day, and every evening with you, and your lives are so enriched again!
At the end of the day, we chimed in, but you made this happen. I'm in awe of you mate xxx
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