Time to reflect

[vzandt]

I hit the two year mark in January. His clothes are still in the closet. His watches still on the dresser. The boys took his guns..his movies...his tools. But the everyday things are still here. I'm alone most of the time. And most of the time I'm okey with it. One son comes and has lunch with me every weekday..either at work, or at home. Wherever I am..he has lunch with me. His first baby is due in April. Bittersweet for sure. One son just bought his first house. I'm sad not being able to share with him. It's hard. It's hard living with someone for thirty nine years and then not. I have just started laughing again. The gloom isn't as obvious as it was. I still have very bad days....but they are just very bad days now..not a very bad life. My joy will come back. That's what I want. I want joy back.

 

[gooseberry]

Thank God for this forum Tillie. Never thought I would still be here but there is a level of understanding here you cant find anywhere else.

 

[affected]

there is a level of understanding here you cant find anywhere else.

without a doubt!

 

[gooseberry]

Well the investment in me is starting to pay off. Whole food diet, nothing processed or with sugar, exercise 50 min a day has resulted in a 27 lb weightloss since January 1. I feel so much better about myself and physically I feel much improved. Mentally I am still very tired and my ability to handle stressful things is quite diminished but starting to find a new normal. I like this person quite a bit��

 

[affected]

Wonderful Steph, every step towards the new shape our lives take is so important and worth celebrating. I'm so smiling at your words xx

 

[Gembead]

Well done Gooseberry, keep up the good work. Lv Gem

 

[Barbie]

steph that is awesome! so proud of your weight loss. I think I have finally caught up on my sleep but still don't handle stress well at all!

 

[gooseberry]

Barbie I dont either. I used to be calm cool and collected an able to handle stress pretty well. Now , very little ability to handle it. 31 lbs gone. Same amount to go. It is so nice to be able to focus on Julien and I . We get to exerciee, eat healthy, and take care of us. What a wonderful luxury it is....

 

[Jhill]

I just want to say that all of you are amazing.

Thank you for coming back & opening your hearts so that we know we are never alone in this.

Love and hugs to all,
Joan

 

[gooseberry]

Joan it is very nice to have a conversation with people who get it. Not having to explain and knowing everyone here gets it is quite comforting.

 

[gooseberry]

Found out I am now hypothyroid....

 

[Neilswife]

Gooseberry,

Sorry to hear you found out you are hypothyroid. I just recently found out I am low on iron. I think this caregiving takes a toll on all of us and in the aftermath we really need to watch our health. It is so easy to think the things going on with us are grief related, but many of us are probably run down from working so hard and that can affect our health. So glad you pursued your health and I urge others to do the same. Hope your condition is under control very soon.

 

[affected]

Steph I guess the good news is that you are gong to a doctor and you finding out what health issues need dealing with. As compared to being hypothyroid for however long and not knowing and therefore not addressing it.

Neilswife is right, CALS tend to become very run down, lose core fitness, and can develop health issues that are ignored. Adding that to grief is such a toxic mix, but we are all slowly removing the toxins and healing a bit more and a bit more

 

[gooseberry]

So true. Found out about the thyroid issues at the weight loss clinic.. endocrinologist I see says he believes autoimmune related. Stress plays a big part. Luckily I am on my way to feeling better

 

[scaredwifetx]

That's wonderful to hear Steph. You go girl. Inspiration is your new crown.