I see myself in all of you.
Three months on, and it feels almost like it was yesterday that my mom passed. We were so close - although now, with time to reflect, the real closeness started to fade when she got sick and things got so hard. I'm really starting to grieve for the loss of her before ALS.
I did a crazy thing and held her memorial service on December 23. As I'm her only daughter and she was single, I'm still doing everything. Obituary, organizing the service, paying for everything (she had no insurance or retirement savings), making the photo slideshow for the service (one of the hardest things), writing a million thank you notes, going through her things, acting as personal representative for her estate, and trying to catch up with all of the bills that are late, the work that I've missed, the friends that I no longer feel close to.
It feels like everything takes three times longer than it should and I can't believe how much there still is to do. My lack of motivation is unprecedented. I think I could just lay on the couch for weeks at a time watching TV and drinking wine and not get bored. This is not my personality.
Reading these threads made me cry. Dealing with her estate makes me cry. Waking up in the morning and realizing she's gone makes my stomach drop. Participating in the Women's March on Washington without her makes me feel like I have a hole in my heart.
I know the only remedy is time. I've had people tell me I'm not myself. I just don't know when I will be again.