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Extremely helpful member
May 11, 2008
Los Angeles
There seems to have been a breakdown in the Forum Follies road show due to excessive camping on the part of some of our members. I'm not casting blame ... an overwhelming urge to **** in the woods is a well-known side effect of ALS.

Since a certain "Physical Zaphoon" started the whole shebang when he checked into the ER with excessive twitching some weeks ago, I thought we could go back to the source. ...

How is that twitching, PZ, and how did the trip to the hospital work out? Did you ever wiggle out from under the undulating pile of lusty, heavy-breathing, nurses? Did you even try?

Inquiring minds want to know! :twisted:

My Philosophy of Life: Chocolate Will Never Let You Down
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"Excessive camping" - I love it. You never fail to make me laugh out loud. I interpreted your urge to **** in the woods, but realized that could go a couple of ways. Anxiously awaiting the return of the Forum Follies.
Please excuse me, I have to go take a walk in the woods. Does a Barry **** in the woods? Yes he does, but only if there is an outhouse!

I too miss the Forum Follies, darn you BethU, you've created an addiction. An itch that must be scratched. Alas, this weekend I am busy again, this time I am helping my son move to Victoria for his 4th year of university. We are leaving on Sunday so I will not be able to join in the fun but I am also curious about the outcome of the PZ's struggle to escape (or not) from the pile of busty (or was that lusty, or both?) nurses. :D:D
Beth, How can you **** in the woods , when they are always on fire ?

Does it make you hot ? Hot enough to **** in the woods ?

Do you turn to your SO and say " Got Wood ? "


One day a bear and a rabbit were taking a **** in the forest.
The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have a problem with **** sticking to your fur?"
The rabbit replied, "No."
So the bear grabbed the rabbit and wiped his ass.
Well, it happened again! Another round of profuse twitching sent me once again hobbly-wobbling to the E.R. Nurse Rose was there to greet me again in her undulating fashion.
Great Scott! Could that woman undulate!

Dr. No was the on-call doc in the E.R. and when I asked if he could help me out, he said, "NO!".

A very sweet lady in the next room (I later discovered her name was Olly - I had to ask where Kukla and Fran where...) was all in a tizzy herself. She also asked the on-call doc if he would be able to undo her tizzies. His reply was swift and short, "No!"

I needed relief from my twitch-itus and needed it fast. I saw a bottle of pills on the counter and the label on it read, "Zaphoon's New (and improved!) Anti-Twich Pills". The dosage instruction was to take 1 pill every hour or 4 pills every 4 hours - not to exceed 120 pills per day (again, go figure...). I took 6 and held on for dear life!

I took my newly discovered pill stash to Olly, the lady with the tizzies and figured what's good for twitches must be good for a good case of the tizzies. She took 8 and her tizzies immediately subsided but she developed a strange side-effect (to be expounded on later by .....).

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Olly hiccups.

"whats that smell ?" asks PZ.

Olly burps.

"Ewwww Olly , what have you been eating ?"

Olly's eyes change color - a bright shade of yellow. "Oh My , this has not happened for a long time."

PZ, getting weirded out , asks "What is happening here? my pills are just supposed to make you live like you were when you were normal. "

Olly snickers , and says "I was a dragon in my younger years, before the good witch tranformed me".

PZ, sits down , now convinced that he has taken too many anti-twitch pills and is having a halucination"

Olly, looks at PZ, "My you are looking a little flushed" and flicks his cheek with the tip of her tongue. "OH MY" Olly's cheeks get full and she belches , the kind of belch that is common at frat parties. The flames from this belch mushroom on the ceiling and set off the fire alarm.

Nurse Rose , undulates into the room , her white uniform now very wet and revealing. "Dr No , please come in and train your patient - she is reverting into a chinese dragon, and I will take this man in an empty room and give some resusitation"

"Noooo ... she needs stem cells - vewy expensive vewy expensive"
eeek! aah! what is happening to me,HELP.
i dont want to be a dragon,BURRPP! exscuse me :oops:. nurse rose can i have some gaviscon please.

booohooo:cry: i wanted to grow up to be a buxom nurse like rose..............can anyone donate me the money for a boob job!
a busty dragon in a nurses outfit............theres a sight to see.

nooo pz dont move rooms,i promise i wont set your arse on fire
Olly burps again, tries to keep her mouth closed as to not tan PZ's ass.
The flames shoot out her ears.

In a dramatic sequence , Olly morphs into her former shape. And what a shape it is.

Nurse Rose , stands there , lets out a loud "Hmmmph" and walks out of the room.

This picture was taken by the hospital security camera .


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Suddenly, a shot rings out.

Nurse Rose puts down the hypodermic needle as PZ sinks to his knees. "What the hell was in that shot?" he asks Nurse Rose before slumping unconscious at her feet. She smiles grimly: "You've been hoist by your own petard, matey," she says, whipping off her nurse's uniform to reveal an even wetter undergarment ... a T-shirt reading Captain Morgan. "That was the maximum dose of New Improved Anti-Twitch Medicine. That will keep you quiet till I respond to the emergency in the next room. Aarrrgggrrr. "

She undulates back to the room where Glen and an attractive dragon are snuggulating on the hospital bed. Another shot rings out, and the dragon sinks unconscious to the floor.

"It's your turn, matey" Nurse Rose says to Glen, adjusting her sopping T-shirt to her ample and remarkably perky bosom. "You need an emergency PEG, and I don't mean leg. Aaaarrrrggggrrr."

"Whatever you want, I'm up for it," Glen replies undulating in excitement.

"S'cuse me," a robotic voice says from the doorway. "Would you all be so kind as to write your senators in support of additional funding for Senate Bill S.1382, the national ALS registry project?"

Glen flings a well-aimed bedpan at the intruder; as she sinks to the floor, her LightWriter goes flying through the air, to be caught expertlly by Ernie in a breathtaking leap.

"Nooooooooooo," says the mysterioso Dr. No, stepping over the body of the little old lady at the doorway, who has a petition clutched in her twitching hand. "Stop this illegal procedure immediately. And you, young lady," he says to Nurse Rose, who is calmly preparing the patient for surgery, with an oxygen mask that has dropped from the ceiling and a seat cushion as a flotation device, "go and put some dry clothes on."

"Nooooooooooooo," cries Glen to the doctor. "Don't stop now," cries Glen to Nurse Rose, "Go, go, go." "Please e-mail your senators," cries the LightWriter. "Arf," cries Ernie. "Aaarrrggg," cries Nurse Rose, swabbing Glen's midsection in an undulating manner.

Suddenly, a shot rings out ...
Well, this was later found to be something other than a shot ringing out. It really happened to be a rather loud flatulence from PZ having eaten too many "New (and improved) Anti-twitch pills. Aha! A new side effect discovered!

An insidious odor now permeated the E.R. and all concerned had to be evacuated and all were with one exception, Glen! He seemed to enjoy the newly created (albeit temporary) atmosphere. Poor chico was lying next to Glen, having been knocked out by the gaseous eruption.

Within minutes, the "all clear" was given to reenter the E.R. but PZ wasn't anywhere to be found. He was missing once again. This event, of course, put poor nurse Rose in a tizzy and Dr. No was now up to his chin bone in classic "tizzy" cases.

The little, old lady with the odd petition in her hands was now going house-to-house gathering signatures. She had managed to leave the E.R. with half a case of Anti-twitch pills and was developing a plot to contaminate the local water supply if she didn't get her required number of signatures.

Olly was now looking for a chocolate bar; the cure-all to end-all!
Thank you all for the great writting it has cheered up my boring day.LOL
Dr No comes into the room and turns off the O2 that is going to the mask that Glen is still wearing.

"Oh Doc , I gotta take a cylinder of that stuff home."

"I see that you are breathing better now" Dr No says.

"My , what happened in here ?" ask Glen "what did I miss" "This hot nurse comes in and sets me up with that oxygen mask"

Looking down he sees Chico on the bed and says "OH SHIT" "is a dog in your bed better than a horse head ?" Glen rustles the dog , and it springs to life "Pheewww - thought I was gettin godfathered"

"Doc , I had the strangest dreams"

"There was a 5 foot green kids-toy running around forcing people to take pills , and OMG can that little freak let em rip. That boy must have hemmeroids"

"Then these bells started ringing and ringing - that made my room really spin"
"Then I saw a this sexed up green dragon , I swear it was trying fornicate with me"
"Then that nurse came in , she was almost naked , she wanted me to insert .. no no , she wanted to insert something into me" drools Glen
"Then a robot came to the door pretending to be a politician , I hate politicians so I threw something at it , and hit it in the head - can you believe it , right in the head"

"But that made nekkid nurse leave the room - damned robots always interupting"

"Was the ambulance outside ? Something backfired a couple of times ."

"So , Dr No , think I can go home now ? It really stinks in here. "

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