Welcome Amanda, and so sorry you have to be here. My mother has bulbar onset ALS and was diagnosed early this year. I, like many others here, know the pain you're feeling. I did a lot of praying and reading books about handling life when bad things happen. The biggest thing that has kept me going is my faith in God. I believe He is in control of this situation. One thing I've kept on my mind and in my heart has been that I must trust God - have faith in His will and that, for me at least, fear cannot live in the presence of faith. I cannot both fear and have faith. So, when those feelings of fear come along, I choose to push them aside and think faithful things, like that God is in control. This helps me.
I'm glad I read your thread as hearing both Anne and Sandy say that they did not cry in front of their PALs. I have recently been wrestling with that very subject as I have not cried in my mom's presence about what she's going thru. Even today when I was with my mom on my lunch hour (and she is doing very poorly), I wondered if I should cry - if I should tell her how much I'm going to miss her and all. I don't want to upset her or burden her with my emotions. I only want to be supportive, positive, cheerful and helpful. I tell her over and over I love her and when it's time for me to leave, I hug and kiss her several times as I know each time may be the last. Then, after I'm gone, like right now, I cry.
I'm glad to know others have not cried with their PALs. I just didn't know if I was abnormal or what.
Anyway, Amanda, you'll find great comfort here. And, as you signed off, God Bless You TOO. He can really be your strength in this - I know He wants to be.
God bless,
Nicki