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Ontario caregiver

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Just read the assisted suicide post and found it sad, one because a love one wants to die and the other has to feel guilty for the love one.

As a caregiver I am always glad that I have helped Gary though all stages,( gary has had ALS for over 8 years probably more like 11 years). He has problem with breathing and is on his bi-pap 24/7. He had talked about having a higher morphine pump at the later stages when his breathing became more than he could bear, as explained to him this would put him into a sleep mode and gradually he would die. What is hard is just the same as assisted suicide, as you know the outcome. I guess what I am trying to say is it is so sad for the caregiver, in my case I support Gary but to be coming closer to this stage of the disease I find it emotional, and at the same time selfish to let him go. I am also so tired and hate this disease that my greatest fear is how will I feel when it is over. Will I be releived of all the stress of caring and caring and caring or will I hate myself because I am tired and regret some days of all the caring and caring I have given.
Well this was my day to type and type and type, but I will always be glad to have done what I could for Gary and I only wish him the best, so today is important and what tomorrow brings is still far away.

Sorry for my sad writing, but today was just a hard one when Gary said it will be soon to call the doctor to proceed with the pump, but you know tomorrow IS ANOTHER DAY and his breathing may adjust a bit better, and life will go on.

Thanks for listening
 

CindyM

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Hi Ontario caregiver. I am sorry this is happening to both of you. This is why I say ALS affects everyone in the family in such awful ways. I bet your husband is greatful for the sacrifices you are making on his behalf, which is more than a lot of spouses can manage. You are lucky to have each other. Cordially, Cindy
 
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Peg B

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Flint
Hi Ontario caregiver.

I echo Cindy's words. You are caught between a rock and a hard place, but here is the thing. As you work with your husband, love yourself too and give yourself the comfort you deserve in knowing you are handling a extremely unbelievably hard situation. I hope you get some respite care and have some time to nurture yourself, knowing it only makes you stronger for your husband's sake. God Bless you, Peg
 
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