Blessings...

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Flowerpot

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Hi All

I have posted before about Mum but just want to put a few words down about our situation , selfishly more for me at this moment in time.

There is Mum , my sister and me - Mum has MND and I and my sister are trying to help her through this. My sister is an incredible person and has had her own battles. She is very strong - I cannot be as attentive as her but hope I do the best for Mum in my own way.

I want to tell my sister how much I love her but cannot find the right words without breaking down.

I have also found a wonderful DVD called " Trapped inside my my body " by TrueNorth Productions. I say that because of the sensitivity they show about MND.

Sorry for the rant - its all a bit mixed up

Kind regards


Flowerpot
 

BethU

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Flowerpot ... perhaps you could write your thoughts down for your sister. It might be easier than trying to tell her in person.

Your mom is blessed to have two such loving daughters ... and you and your sister are blessed to have each other.

"Rant" here anytime.
BethU
 

joelc

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Flowerpot,

I just have to respond -- sorry if you don't like my response, but what is wrong with telling your sister how much you love and appreciate her? So what if you break down, nothing gets that message across more effectively than a few tears! I imagine she would really appreciate your openness and honestly in how you feel! You don't have to, and shouldn't, make excuses or appologize for how you feel! Tears are a genuine human emotion. It may really strengthen your relationship with your sister.
 

brooksea

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If you can't get the words out through all the tears, then buy a beautiful card and put your sentiments in writing. You may still cry, but you won't have to say anything! Maybe, also a little trinket to commemorate the bond between you, your sis and Mum.
 

califsand

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If you can find a way to tell her, you should do it... knowing how much you value her will only help your sister to remain strong. In situations like this, the one that takes the largest role often has the most doubts and they just stuff their feelings down inside to examine them later or to eat them up in less noticeable ways...if you can't say how you feel, writing it is just as good, sometimes even better, because she can pull it out and look at it when she is feeling alone or overwhelmed. I wish that my siblings would do that for me...
 

CindyM

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I know my brother, who is out of state, and my aunts and uncles always tell me how much they appreciate all I do for my Mom. It really does help. I feel less like a doormat for doing it all when I have 2 sisters who sit by. BTW, I really believe they will have to live with their decisions regarding how often (or not) they help Mom.
 

califsand

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I agree Cindy. Certain family members have thanked me many times and lately two of my brothers who live nearby have started to do that... sometimes it upsets me that they are thanking me because they are so close by that they shouldn't have to thank me, they should be there more often. However, as more time goes by and I realize how varied our strengths are, I can see that they just can't handle it. I sometimes resent that but more & more I see that it's okay, things are how they are for a reason sometimes. And yes, all of us caregivers in here will have no regrets and that is valuable beyond anything.
 

CindyM

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Hi Sandy- I just posted the promise about no regrets on another thread. Great minds think alike, it seems! :smile:
 

califsand

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Lol Cindy, that's right, No regrets is my mantra! :)
 

Flowerpot

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regrets still.....

I wish I had no regrets but I do - I guess I am not far enough along the road as you guys.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Flowerpot
 

CindyM

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Maybe you hold yourself up to high standards? If so, remember all you are doing and think about how grateful your PAL is, or should be!

When we say no regrets, we mean after wards, when your PAL no longer needs your care. It will be then when you realize, (I believe) just how much we grow through the challenges and just how much we get out of the experience. I think it is hard to realize this when we are bone tired and overwhelmed.

At least, that is how it works for me. Some days I get on my own case for not spending enough time at the nursing home, but when I go, and just sit with her and hold her hand, then I relaize what a great oportunity this is for both of us. I don't think I will ever regret the time I give her.
 

califsand

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I had regrets at the beginning and decided that wasn't going to be an option... I feel guilt very easily, even when I shouldn't. Determine what you need to do in order not to have regret and put it into action. Do it for her, do it for your sister but even more, do it for yourself. Try to remember we all have different things we can handle, different threshholds, different strengths and things we can give that others cannot. Having someone that you love be ill is hard and priorities need to be rearranged sometimes so that you end up with something that YOU can live with.

No matter how hard I have tried I have not been perfect and I haven't always been patient or as I think I should be. But that's how it is, and I can look back on a one of the MANY moments I lost my cool and feel bad for a minute but I can't take it back... it is not worthy of being something that can cause me regret. It is something to remind me that I'm human. You're human, we all are and all you can do is try your best and expect that you may disappoint yourself sometimes. That's life, we fail sometimes and we succeed sometimes. The goal is to succeed at least half of the time and your heart is in the right place.
 
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