Assisted Suicide

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Blackeyes

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Because Larry has ALS they have waved the 2 drs gave their immediate approval and the 10 days period was waved. They are coming to our house Wednesday night. Our children will be there and a nurse who is also a very close friend. He is at peace with his decision and even has some colour in his cheeks. His nightmare will be over Wednesday and he believes in God so he has no fears.

He spoke to our grandchildren yesterday who are 12 yr old twins snd they know grandpa is being given a drug to help him to heaven. One of the twins asked him if he was afraid. And larry told him no. It made the boy’s feel better. They each told a special memory they had. Said I love you and after they hung up my son called a little while later. He’s on nights out of town working and they called him to make sure he was hanging in there. Such sweet boys.

I don’t believe in god so I have many fears. I feel like there is a ticking sound in my head. A countdown and it’s so friggen surreal that tomorrow they will call with a time they will be here Wednesday night. An appointment they called it. Like he’s getting his tooth pulled. I don’t think we should know the time or day ever. That’s for something like christmas or birthdays. This feels so wrong on so many levels and I just want to scream please don’t leave me. But I know he would stay and I know it would hurt him and he would suffer.
thanks for letting me vent and for all the kind words and support.

cindy
 
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lgelb

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Cindy, I'm glad you will have love and support around you Wed. night. I'm not going to tell you to ignore the ticking, but try to see it as Larry (my husband's name also) does -- marking the steps to his own best peace. I know that he will pass thinking of your love and the way that you are expressing it now.

Sonne, thank you for sharing in your painful memories the reality that life is a journey to death, and at the end, no two people can see it quite the same way, when one is dying and the other not. That is part of what makes the support of a CALS or friend such a wonderful gift. In the same way, the law supports a choice -- it does not make it.
 

Krismat

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My partner also wants this. And I have agreed to support him. I agree with the other person who responded that said it is the last thing we all (should) have control over. Who am I to judge how much a person wants to tolerate and when they feel ready to go? He has put his brother as his medical power of attorney...he said because he didn't want me to feel the pressure of it. But I will support whatever his wishes are when the time comes.
You both are brave. No one wants to be in the position that either of you are in and hopefully you feel support from this group in that regard. I would be curious to know more about what legal options exist and where.... We are aware of some of this, but I'm curious what people are doing when they are not in a right-to-die state.
 

lgelb

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Kris, I've posted several times about what you're asking, including here and here. You can use the search bar to find more, or ask. --Laurie
 
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Sonne

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<religious content removed; feel free to post in Religion> Know that no one has the right to judge you about the decisions you have made and I also know that there are people who will try to. They have even greater fears than you have so don't take anything they might say to you to heart. Be confident in the love you shared with your husband remembering they did not know him as you do. It is only because your love is true that you have had struggling thoughts.

While people will carry us through the first few weeks after the death of a loved, as time moves forward they may not always be there. People move on but it takes us longer to do so. I found the first anniversary was more difficult than my husband's death. Please make a point to reach out to friends and loved ones some time before that because they may not always be aware of this. Closure to me is far too over rated. I don't believe in it. I use to but in trying to find it I have realized all we get is resolution when we accept what has occurred.

When in those dark places and moments please don't beat yourself up. We can only do what we can- nothing more.
My thoughts are with you.
 
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KimT

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Cindy,
You are the best CALS. You are honoring his last wish and, I believe, it will give you peace in the future.
 

nona

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Cindy, you are very much in my thoughts and I'm grateful that you shared your thoughts with us. As a PALS who wished I live in a right-to-die state, I appreciate hearing your perspective on your PALS's decision. I don't know if it's been said, but I imagine that part of his decision is driven by his love for you. I know that one reason I would choose to depart early would be to ease the constant worry and strain on my family. From my seat, every incident is at least as tiring on them as it is on me. His leaving is an act of love.

I also don't believe in God. I kind of like the mystery of it all. One of my favorite songs, Let the Mystery Be.

Sending love and strength for Wednesday.
 

affected

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Oh Cindy I hope you find your own peace in this.
I don't believe in organised religion or the gods they depict.
But then, that always made it easy for me to believe in quality over quantity.
But only you can work through your own feelings and beliefs and I want you to know that here, we will accept whatever that is and however you have to work through it. There is nothing harder than this, and you are showing the greatest love possible by putting aside your feelings and wants, to ensure he can have what he wants and needs in the face of this horror that is ALS.
Lean on us however you need 💜💜💜
 

Vincent

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A fellow Canadian here. All of this is completely legal and available upon request. I was struck by your comment around the Covid 19 pandemic and his decision making at this point. Have you thought of building a team of family and/or friends who can come in for visits. I had to do that with my daughter. I live in a condo that has gone to no visitors allowed. So far so good, nobody in the building has any COVID. However my daughter still comes over regularly. She just describes herself as my emotional support human. It is hard enough with ALS on its own, your world becomes smaller as things move along, add the pandemic in and people are in forced isolation.
We need others in our life to have it make sense. Anything you can do to make his world bigger will go a long way to dealing with his mood. And if he is looking into medically assisted death what does COVID have to do with anything?
 
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