Thoughts about bad days
Having bad days? What's that? Facts verses what my friends see:
Just a THOUGHT When friends or family ask how you doing?
Oh just great, Sure I'm dying but everything is fine, wonderful, and how about you. Ever feel like asking someone that? Don't answer.
I know how you feel. We all go through this. Some get mad at the world, God, friends, family , everybody and just make themselves a pain in the butt basically.
You get to chose how YOU will react.
I usually try to put on my "I'm ok your ok face" when around others. I try as much as possible considering all that may be happening to have a positive approach and outlook to live every day to it's fullest. And it's amazing how many people believe I'm doing great, when inside I'm ? who knows. It changes all the time. Some days I do not know from one minute to the next how I'm dealing with this, it's overwhelming. Then other days I'm managing it very well.
I do that mostly to help my loved ones, to be a source of hope for others, yet like tonight I can't sleep because of pain, spasms, and having a pity party, but no one came to the party.
Well maybe God came. I think he understands when I get in these moods, swings, bad times, and just have to let it out and vent. I laid in bed crying for awhile, but could not sleep so got online instead.
But somewhere deep in my heart I know God loves me and you, and this will work out, I will make it through with God's help and strength. After it is all over I will be with him forever, no pain, no fears, no mood swings, no spasms, no pills, finally complete PEACE, believe me it will be worth it all, to finally see my lost loved ones and walk in the presence of Jesus Christ.
That is my rock that I hold onto, to get thru the lows, and to make me truly believe I WILL BE ALRIGHT
THIS DAY. Not tomorrow, next week, next month, just this one day.
I can only live ONE DAY at a time and make the absolute most of that day to help myself and others. There is no second trip around. This is it folks.
Do you have anything to use as your rock? Your strength? To get you through this.
Have you given thought to how God fits into your life? Now might be a very good time. You have some time left to consider it, before it's too late. Please, I'm serious, God really does love you and He said if anyone comes to me I will in no way cast them out. I respect your choice, but remember you will live with it forever.
I feel your pain, may God Bless and keep you and I pray you stay on the high mountain top instead of the valley.
AL
MtPockets said:
To give you an idea of what happened with me:
I started with fasciculations, atrophy (wasting) and weakness. over 2 years ago and just chocked it up to no exercise and old age, (59). It progressed to full muscle spasms that I call "Charley Horses", at least in the south we call them that. I began to lose muscle tissue due to constant muscle spasms, my CPK count would go very high (6000) and I would stop urinating. My family doc said the creatine cpk was blocking my kidneys and would put me in hospital and flush out my system with high flows of saline solution from IV bottles, until the cpk came down to acceptable levels, 250-350. The spasms never stopped only got worse over time. Was in and out of hospital about 5 times for this flush routine over 2 year period, when I was referred to a wonderful neurologist.
By this time was spending lot of time in wheelchair due to loss of balance in leg muscles and weakness. My neuro ran the nerve conduction study and then the emg. The technician left the room to go into another part of the hospital to get the doctor to look at my emg. My Neurologist ran the emg all over again, due to terrible results in all muscles from the chest down. She immediately ordered a biopsy of large thigh muscle, and after 4 weeks of extensive testing and sending to another lab for confirmation, she gave my the ALS DX. She was 3rd doc that said I MIGHT have it, but first to run the biopsy.
My Neuro also ordered a swallow test that showed the left half of my esophagus is paralyzed. I have some trouble talking at times but if I take it slow can make it alright for now. My main trouble with swallowing is with pills, they have a tendency to go the wrong way. And just went to see Doc about feeding tube due to swallowing getting worse. I also am on a Bi-Pap due to losing 30% of lung capacity due to diaphragm not working 100%.
I don't know if my history helps you or not, but seems mine started from the bottom and worked it's way up, others start right at the top. There are just so many variations it's hard to get a handle on the DX.
I hope and pray you do not have ALS, and all works out for the best for you, but just in case it is ALS, try to prepare yourself for anything. I know it's hard we have all been there. You are not alone. Feel free to come back here for support or questions anytime.
God Bless
AL
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