After 3 and a half long years of battling ALS where all she had left was a little bit of swallowing and breathing, my mom passed away at home with hospice care.
We actually came back from the ER with a case of pneumonia earlier in january and she decided it was time to go soon and that in about a month or two after her friends and family can come say goodbye, she would stop eating and pass.
However it seems ALS waits for no one as her friends were on their way, one day before her passing she started vomiting's dark brown liquids and could not swallow at all, even little bits of water, as every time we gave her morphine via the mouth, it would leak out because she couldnt swallow but also couldnt bear to not have her head tilt to one side.
It was a terrible first 24 hrs as I thought was she going to go, suffering like this as well? hasnt she suffered enough? eventually after a whole day of suffering the morphine finally took and she felt more at ease.
Luckily her brother and one of her best friends were able to make it to see her and for the next 48 hours me and my dad her primary caretakers never left her side. I was able to express to her that she gave me an amazing life as a a mom and that she didnt have to worry about me as I have an amazing support system and so on I was able to tell her everything I wanted to say over the next few hours.
Even when we thought she passed and her pulse was barely detectable, I was able to facetime her brother again with his family and as they talked to her as she faded, she was able to open her eyes one last time and her eyes even looked a bit more focused this time and she faded again.
Its been about 2 weeks since she passed her funeral was last Wednesday and I honestly dont know how to feel. I am no longer a son or a caretaker, my life has been put on hold for almost 3 years and I almost feel guilty that I'm able to go out and enjoy myself again.
Luckily I've kind of processed and grieve slowly over the past year, where it was almost as if the day she started going already started over a year ago. However my dad isnt so lucky. It all hit him when she took her last breath and he cried for so long. Hes usually a traditional stoic chinese guy so this is the first time ive really heard him cry this hard.
At least shes free from pain as she always kept telling me for the past few months, I need to go to save you and dad. I hope her final thoughts were goods ones.
We actually came back from the ER with a case of pneumonia earlier in january and she decided it was time to go soon and that in about a month or two after her friends and family can come say goodbye, she would stop eating and pass.
However it seems ALS waits for no one as her friends were on their way, one day before her passing she started vomiting's dark brown liquids and could not swallow at all, even little bits of water, as every time we gave her morphine via the mouth, it would leak out because she couldnt swallow but also couldnt bear to not have her head tilt to one side.
It was a terrible first 24 hrs as I thought was she going to go, suffering like this as well? hasnt she suffered enough? eventually after a whole day of suffering the morphine finally took and she felt more at ease.
Luckily her brother and one of her best friends were able to make it to see her and for the next 48 hours me and my dad her primary caretakers never left her side. I was able to express to her that she gave me an amazing life as a a mom and that she didnt have to worry about me as I have an amazing support system and so on I was able to tell her everything I wanted to say over the next few hours.
Even when we thought she passed and her pulse was barely detectable, I was able to facetime her brother again with his family and as they talked to her as she faded, she was able to open her eyes one last time and her eyes even looked a bit more focused this time and she faded again.
Its been about 2 weeks since she passed her funeral was last Wednesday and I honestly dont know how to feel. I am no longer a son or a caretaker, my life has been put on hold for almost 3 years and I almost feel guilty that I'm able to go out and enjoy myself again.
Luckily I've kind of processed and grieve slowly over the past year, where it was almost as if the day she started going already started over a year ago. However my dad isnt so lucky. It all hit him when she took her last breath and he cried for so long. Hes usually a traditional stoic chinese guy so this is the first time ive really heard him cry this hard.
At least shes free from pain as she always kept telling me for the past few months, I need to go to save you and dad. I hope her final thoughts were goods ones.
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