Stress

Sometimes like now I feel a kind of inner desperation, like I am hanging on a thread and at the same time I continue on, hanging on that precipice but holding on, going on operating from that higher up resource of strength, closing my eyes to my inner depletion. I just feds my PALS. These days every time I feed him through his feeding tube, he started silently crying, the motion pushing the liquid food back up. I took to laying towel around so he would not get wet. He does not want to know what he has. Sometimes I feel it easier if he knows what he has then he would not feel badly laying in bed - or feels he has to force himself to get out of bed and do something. I told him to move with his body, to stay in bed if his body feels like it. This afternoon, he still forces himself to go to his computer then to his den to read and a couple of hours later gave up, moving back to bed and crying. I am sneezing, oh lord, not a cold. I hope not a cold.