I feel like i'm doing the two step.

Two steps forward, two steps back.. So we've been researching her trip and it has been very exciting for her to plan and talk about going to France. It's all she does now. We spent the whole day last sunday budgeting and planning and trying to figure out how much we'll need to take out. (I'm dipping into my 401k to do this.) But there's been a darkness with it all. Mom has gotten to the point where she can't eat anything that isn't the consistency of mush. And what is frustrating to me is that while it's obvious that shes lost weight and that the swallowing is getting steadily worse.. she refuses to do anything about it. Communication has gotten harder and harder too and after a couple family members started emailing me to find out how she's doing (because she wasn't returning emails) I got fed up and set up a family forum email. My rationale for it was that we needed a place for her to discuss things to the entire family and she could take as much time as she needed to express them. My intentions were good.. but she blew up at me. Told me she's not interested in participating in a 'medical hotline' as she put it. She has no interest in talking about her condition. She wants to talk about her trip and anything else be damned. Its so frustrating.. especially since she really does need to think about her nutrition and how she can't really eat anymore. We have 3 months before we are supposed to go on this trip and i'm scared to death she'll deteriorate before then. In desperation i wrote the neurologist who diagnosed her when we went to UCSF and asked her if she would be doing any of her clinics soon. She operates out of the hospital in UCSF but twice a year she runs a clinic in Monterrey which is a lot closer to my house. She wrote me back and said it sounds like my mom definitely needs a PEG and i should get her to her clinic which is on July 15! But how? How am i going to get her to go when she's sworn off doctors? The support group leader called my house today. Apparently she got a referral from the neurologist and the group leader talked to my husband for 20 minutes. There's a group meeting tomorrow.. so I think i'm going to go. I need help. She had a great suggesting about getting a referral for a speech therapist as a guise to get her in the habit of seeing support people.. but i honestly don't know if it's going to work. Once my mom digs her heels it's really hard to move her.