I did not see your message, until now because I did not get any notification in my e-mail-account. I understand you. You are probably going through hell right now. In this time – where I did not know, what happens next and what exactly my future is about – I felt very alone and I hoped so much every moment that I was awake, to wake up from this horrible dream. It was like, it cannot be real, that they are playing this funny and relaxing music in radio. Do you know what I mean? I feel good right now, but I have some light disabilities, that most people do not recognize in the first time. I have problems with stairs, sports, biking etc. I have also some kind of cognitive coordination problems like I cannot say anymore how to do certain things.
I think it is very important that you take your time and that you feel sad about yourself. Most time it does not help to act always strong, inside as outside. It is totally okay to feel some kind of very mad at the universe for a time.