Oh yes, yes! – did you read "Gödel Escher Bach"? It is one of the best books ever, if you are into mathematical paradoxa. Before I write my answer: Would you like to continue the conversation on Instagram or somewhere else? At least, we would not need to separate our answers in so many paragraphs. ^^
Yes, I am an atheist (too?) . And I wished at that time not to be.
I'd love to say something that could help you, but I probably can not because of my non-belief. I think - even if you're an atheist - it can still help to talk to someone who is a believer.
But our brains are so complex that every brain, from my point of view, is a small universe in itself. It could be as complex of the structure as the universe itself without violating the logic. I mean, the set of natural numbers contains subsets that are just as big as they are. Therefore, a subjective sense is not more valuable than an objective sense, isnt it?
Haha, the whole discussion has escalated quickly.
Oh yes, I am also actually interested in the topic of existence and the sense of existence since then. I have very different considerations. And I think that if you find yourself in a situation where you question the meaningfulness of your remaining life, it is important to consider what its purpose was before things changed. I came to the surprising conclusion that my most essential life goal was still the same. My motivation - as pragmatic as it sounds to someone else - has always been gaining insights. To recognize things, to read and to understand as much in my lifetime as I can.Unfortunately, I have not read anything by Sartre. But I also think that the meaning of existence can only be subjective. That makes the meaning no less real or unimportant. The abiological components of the universe are meaningless because they can not make sense to themselves.
Maybe the whole process can be described as disillusionment or derealization – which one you choose is probably in the end depending on your own interpretation. The whole world seems so strange and that led to my loneliness, why I had the feeling no one could reach me through this border. Fear can be the worst of all feelings, especially when you have or you are about to loose hope.
The paragraph has so much truth and I know what you mean with meaningless.
I think, it is a kind or stage of suffering that is hard to explain to someone, who did not experience it. It is like you belong to a morbid secret club which is anonymous inside, so that you often think you are or were the only member. But you immediatly know that Caio Abreu was one of them. Or Franz Kafka. He was in some way also one of them, although the nature of his suffering was different.„Never let me go“ and „The remains of the day“ from Kazuo Ishiguro are also one of those books, where you can find this level of desperation between the lines, I guess. In „The remains of the day“ it is very discrete, because the thoughts of the protagonist are marked by a strong denial of reality.
Thank you for your kind words. But you can probably guess that I was in a awkward way happy in the moment I got the diagnosis neuro-borreliosis. So it is not really anymore hardly worth mentioning, particularly to you. I think what I had to deal with and you have to deal with can not be compared and I have very much respect for you.
I did not see your message, until now because I did not get any notification in my e-mail-account. I understand you. You are probably going through hell right now. In this time – where I did not know, what happens next and what exactly my future is about – I felt very alone and I hoped so much every moment that I was awake, to wake up from this horrible dream. It was like, it cannot be real, that they are playing this funny and relaxing music in radio. Do you know what I mean? I feel good right now, but I have some light disabilities, that most people do not recognize in the first time. I have problems with stairs, sports, biking etc. I have also some kind of cognitive coordination problems like I cannot say anymore how to do certain things.
I think it is very important that you take your time and that you feel sad about yourself. Most time it does not help to act always strong, inside as outside. It is totally okay to feel some kind of very mad at the universe for a time.
How are you now?
I started following you on Instagram a few days ago.
I am not that often in this forum, but I felt with you when I read your post. I suffered from neuro borreliosis and had some unspecific but typical symptoms for MNDs. Still feel very related to people who went through the process of diagnosis either. :-/
I feel so sorry for you, because we are in the same age and specialized in a similiar field of science. I really hoped that you would have an other diagnosis finally. I know that is not very helpful but I just wanted to send you some thoughts.
Hey mate, so sorry to hear about the bad news today, I will have you in my thoughts and hope for better news.
With your twitches when you say everywhere does that include scalp, feet, hands, face etc? Do they ever stop for even a minute? How long did it take to go from twitches to weakness for you? I really hope you find a better answer my friend.