Wife or Care Giver

[Georgia Peach]

The other day I posted on Caringbridge that I was his wife and caregiver.

A few days later were getting in the car and arguing at the same time. I told him to get in the $#%*& car and let's go. The he stopped in his tracks and asked me if that was the wife or caregiver talking. He said if it was the caregiver, he was going to have to fire her. And then we both started laughing and got in the car.

 

[brooksea]

Pretty funny! Pat on the back for him, for being able to fizzle out that argument! He sounds like my husband.

Hope y'all can keep your sense of humor! That's very important.

 

[LizT]

Thats very sweet! Reminds me- the other day my PALS was down and referring to himself as a vegetable ( I hate it when he calls himself that, or a cripple), but instead of getting on him about saying that, I just said "OK. You want to be my brussel sprouts or green beans?"
Made him smile.

 

[arkallen]

I think this is one of my big challenges: how do we stay truly married while our roles are shifting month by month?

 

[Atsugi]

I get to keep my same role, because it hasn't changed. I work, I provide, I solve problems, I fix stuff, I drive the kids, I set the tone.
Also, I listen to her, I love her, I respect her, I do everything she wants, I keep her safe, warm, comfortable, and happy.

She has always been an independent professional. So she has also always worked, provided, solved problems, loved me, respected me and kept me warm, comfortable and happy.

Now that she's got ALS, my role hasn't changed. And her role has only slightly changed. She doesn't work at a job, but she certainly contributes. I never have to worry about a thing, because she keeps track of everything in her mind and ensures we all keep up with our chores, appointments, due dates, etc. She is constantly smiling.

It will be impossible to replace her.

 

[joni51]

That truly made me smile

 

[Sequoia]

Your husband is quick on the draw...I love it! Made me laugh out loud, which always lifts my spirits.

Roderick, why don't you write about that...you are so good at words, it would probably help alot of duel role spouses!

 

[HelenL]

Georgia Peach , Thanks for the laughter, it is appreciated! Made my day...

 

[BarryG]

I thank my lucky stars that the government here provides funding to get me a caregiver from 8:30 am to 10 pm Monday to Friday. This allows my wife to continue to work and to continue to be my wife. I have two wonderful women that are well trained to what I heed and allow me to get out.

 

[arkallen]

I thank my lucky stars that the government here provides funding to get me a caregiver from 8:30 am to 10 pm Monday to Friday. This allows my wife to continue to work and to continue to be my wife. I have two wonderful women that are well trained to what I heed and allow me to get out.

That's a huge plus Barry. I am trying to access personal care more, currently up to 1/2 hour five days a week; but my goal is for my wife to also stay in the workforce as long as possible. Good for her, good for us. Im so glad you wrote that Barry, I like that approach.

 

[heymom05]

Awww, Atsugi, just when i thought you were a nutjob, you turn put to be a sweetie pie!
My Kevin is first and foremost, my husband. He has ALS, but ALS does not have him.he is now and has always been the head of our household. He does what he can, I pick up the slack. He is still my man. He will always be my man.

 

[Atsugi]

Thanks Gina. Nutjob and sweetie pie are not mutually exclusive. Call me sweet nuts.

You're right--husband and wife first, patient and caregiver are what we do, not who we are.

 

[epkennedy]

Man do I wish it were like that in my world. :-(

 

[llwlpn]

(((Ernesta)))

 

[pepsiman]

I get to keep my same role, because it hasn't changed. I work, I provide, I solve problems, I fix stuff, I drive the kids, I set the tone.
Also, I listen to her, I love her, I respect her, I do everything she wants, I keep her safe, warm, comfortable, and happy.

She has always been an independent professional. So she has also always worked, provided, solved problems, loved me, respected me and kept me warm, comfortable and happy.

Now that she's got ALS, my role hasn't changed. And her role has only slightly changed. She doesn't work at a job, but she certainly contributes. I never have to worry about a thing, because she keeps track of everything in her mind and ensures we all keep up with our chores, appointments, due dates, etc. She is constantly smiling.

It will be impossible to replace her.

Just this, Atsugi. Sounds exactly like Liz. I never realized just how much she kept in that head of hers. I have no desire to replace her. Anything that comes now will be with the understanding that in many ways she ran our lives. And that has both good and bad connotations. When she died, my role completely changed. Looking from the inside out, I had no idea what I was going to have to face alone. Looking from the other side now, I wish I had played a more active role in our lives before being faced with losing her.

Dick