Self Guilt over ALS

[MtPockets]

There is some minor evidence for head trauma in men over the age of 55 to have a higher chance to develop ALS. In my case I had a head injury about 15 years before I developed any symptoms of ALS. I'm now 60. This type of ALS onset takes a long time, not just a few weeks or months.

So there is no way you could have gotten ALS that quick from a fall. There is no one listed in all the studies of head related injury and ALS that has an onset of symptoms that fast. It just does not happen, so be at peace my friend.

You can relax about your fall causing ALS. You need to look at other diseases and get the tests that will make you feel comfortable about what is going on with your body.

I hope you find out soon what is going on and get some help.

God Bless
Capt AL

 

[Peg B]

HI Troy,

I hope I have not been too hard or cold with your cancer question. It is a terrible blow - this DX. At first DX, I did ask the same question in your later post. = "Is this the worst disease?" So I went on the website ask.com = "The worst diseases" ALS was not even listed. If you want - try it. In a twisted sort of way it made me feel grateful. I never heard of any of the diseases listed and they are super awful.

I did ask my sister about your question re:cancer vs. ALS. She is a 10 year suvivor of breast cancer. She quickly responded "It depends on who has it." I think it was a wise answer as it all depends what we do with what we got.

In my family the motto is: "be grateful for you have as it can always get worse." I know that sounds pessimistic but it really isn't. I hope you feel more peaceful soon. Did I help or make it worse? Sincerely, Peg

 

[troy]

Thanks to everyone who took the time to console me. I am sorry to say that, as much as I would like to believe you that this is really not my fault, I cannot write it off my mind. I know the link can't be so coincidental. I mean, what are the chances of getting ALS? Probably 3 out 0f 100,000. There has to be a trigger and the head bang is it. I might have gone a bit too far in saying that the symptoms started 2 weeks after the fall. It was my speculation that it probably started around there as I get beginning symptoms about 2 months after the fall. I tried to trace back the build-up and arrived at 2 weeks. I probably should have said it started about 1 - 2 months after the fall. And, I have read quite a number of posts of others' onset about that time range after trauma too. I read about a guy who seemed to get it a few months after a bang on the head after a slip in the wet pool during a sunny outing.

Another case involved trauma when forehead smashed into windsreen and ALS developed months after that.

This is about an officer who got ALS after head injuries sustained in a fight with criminals.
http://www.abbotsfordpolice.org/nm/publish/news_414.html

I really feel the guilt so much that the first thing that strike my mind when I wake up is a sense of utter despair on my ALS diagnosis, and then followed by overwheling guilt on my role in causing all this. I hate myself for being so careless. I would scream to allow me to turn back the clock. I repeatedly ask why punish me so much for a small mistake? How do people live with such guilt? I remember reading the news of how Cristopher Reeve was completedly paralysed from a riding incident, and asked if I could forgive myself if I was in his shoes. I remember sympathising with him so much because he had such great future and a great wife for him and an able body to enjoy all he can, and all it took was a fall for him to be a quadriplegic instantly. Little did I know then that I would face with such mental torture years later.

I probably should have at least 30 - 40 years of productive years ahead of me. Just when things look so good, and I am at a stage of prime of my life, my kids and wife are wonderful. Thing could not have been better. And all it takes, is just a slip of attention, and the rest, they say, is history......

I feel like dropping from the top of heaven straight into the bottom of hell..in an instant.. the superman way....

And feeling like that does not help me with the uphill battle ahead. I know. But I couldn't help it. Sometimes, I feel like blowing my brains off, to turn it into a real blunder, a real blunder that deserves grave punishment like crippling and death..

I just cannot accept or rationalise how one's life can change in one second...

Tell me, how do I deal with? Should I just take it as my own fault and move on? Can you do it? How can I forgive myself?

 

[puzzled36]

Troy,

I think you need to put things in perspective. have you ever smoked or been around a smoker? If yes, your at risk for cancer. Ever drive a car? You could have wrecked. Life is full of risks, if you tried to avoid all of them, you would not have lived - only existed in fear. You are at the right age for ALS. You are a male, making you higher risk. There are lots of people who can think back to a head injury (I myself had a machine fall of the shelf in the closet) before their symptoms began. Thats because bonking your head isnt uncommon. There are hundreds of thousands of people who suffer minor head trauma and dont get ALS - why not? Because its not the link.

Get past 'why did I get this' and get on to 'how am i going to make the best of it'.
Good luck.

Gina

 

[MtPockets]

How about a little SHOCK threapy TROY?

Ok, it's all your fault. I'll join your little pity party. "There has to be a trigger and the head bang is it."

How could you have been so stupid as to "slip" and fall? Yes anyone who does something stupid, like go through an intersection and get hit by a drunk driver, running the red light, deserves to be injured for life.

Maybe they are stupid enough to go to the mailbox in the rain and get struck by lightening, yes it's ALL their fault. I guess they too can never forgive themselves. I guess if a meteorite fell from the sky and hit you, it too would be your fault. I think not, because no matter what we say, you are determined to blame yourself for something that you did not and cannot control. I could go on and on, but do you get the picture?

As if the possibility of ALS is not enough now you speak of considering suicide, now that would be your fault.
I have read everything I could find about the cause of ALS and after years of researching, I do not find one piece of evidence where any doctor or scientist knows what causes ALS. But you know more than any of the scientists and doctors, right? Because you have decided to be miserable and blame yourself for your condition.

It does not matter what any of us say, because you are happy being miserable, or else you would consider other possibilities.

Now, I'm leaving your pity party. I hope you enjoyed the company.


Back to reality.
Been there done that does not even come close to what we all have experienced when we learned we had ALS. We have gone through all these weird emotions, and learned to live one day at a time with our bodies just the way they are. You have a choice to make.
Do I focus on the past?
Or do you focus on the future?
Which do you chose?

I know it's not easy, but you will be surprised what you are capable of doing if you will focus on living life to it's fullest, while you have the time. Get your mind off your illness by traveling, doing something that you have always wanted to do, but never took the time. Think about how your attitude is affecting your family.

Yes, this is an awful disease, but there is nothing you can do about that except, change your outlook on life. Be thankful your not dead from a heart attack, car crash, or shot by a mugger. Many people never get time to prepare for the future. To spend quality time with their family. Use the time you have left wisely, not sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.

I would not have been so blunt with you, but I care about you and want to see you enjoy the time you have left with your loved ones. Please do not make their lives miserable by continuing to live in the past. You cannot change the past, but you do control how you face the future.

God Bless
Capt AL

 

[liz]

Amen!

"It's random."

 

[CindyM]

You cannot change the past, but you do control how you face the future.

Ditto, AL and Liz. Cindy

 

[Peg B]

Thanks Captain Al. You said it well.

Troy,

It does not sound like you have much support. Get yourself to a good therapist to help you with this. Your wife and kids don't deserve to be punished either and your ideas are not helping them. Stop now and get some psychological help to deal with this crisis please. Peg

 

[troy]

Let's assume that my head bang has led me to developing ALS. It's not proven and it can never me proven, but let's assume that head trauma leads to ALS for argument sake.

My question is: if you were in my shoes, or you actually had a head trauma, and subsequently developed ALS and your neuro told you that you have caused the ALS upon yourself by being careless, ignorant, whatever...

How do you reconcile your emotion? How do you accept that your slip of attention for 1 second, rob you of at least 30 more years of good life? Can you forgive yourself? Please think of the question seriously before you answer. Can you still carry on? You know that, had you been more careful and averted the fall, you are out there enjoying life right now without even knowing that disease like ALS even exists. I always thought to myself......"what if I had averted the fall......" It's the severity of the consequence of this fall that I can't accept. A naive and simple mistake, but GRAVE deadly consequence.

I am still very disturbed by this whole thing. I hope for sincere help. I thought of seeking psychological help from professionals, but I would like to hear from forumers here, as we have first hand experience of ASL.

I do accept the views of some of your posts that accidents do happen. I know, shit happens. But I just find it hard to accept. There is no sense in the punishment.

 

[Icanmanz]

Having trouble.................

Hi everyone! I am having problems replying to posts when using "Quick Reply" I wonder why. I could still reply to posts by clicking on "quote," but when I click on "quick reply" it does nothing. It just started doing that tonight. Has anybody had this problem before? Thanks!

Irma

 

[Al]

Posting

Some of our software was changed tonight. There may be a few days of glitches to be ironed out. Bear with us.
AL.

 

[John1]

Some of our software was changed tonight. There may be a few days of glitches to be ironed out. Bear with us.
AL.

Al,

I noticed that sometime during the past day all the locations of members have disappeared. I guess this is one of the glitches. I find the locations the single-most helpful information when trying to respond to queries. I think it should be mandatory to include this when becoming a member. At the very least identify your country of residence.

John

 

[Saubier]

Troy,
Don't think of it as a punishment; it may be the gift that gets you living in the present instead of the future or the past. Above all, don't let the people who love and respect you see you falling apart. One day they may need the strength that you can show them now.
Pappy

 

[emjoi]

Troy,
Don't think of it as a punishment; it may be the gift that gets you living in the present instead of the future or the past. Above all, don't let the people who love and respect you see you falling apart. One day they may need the strength that you can show them now.
Pappy

Yeah. I've got agree with this.
You have a choice how things proceed from here. Positive or Negative.
This sickness can wreck your family, if you choose that path. Anger and guilt and blame and frustration.
Or it can help bind your family together. Bring them together to spend time with you, help you out.

Increase the Love or destroy the Love.

 

[emjoi]

As for the Question....

Okay, so you know you are just the victim of random crap.
Logically that makes sense.

Just in your heart, you wish you could rewind the tape, do things differently, take a different path. Everyone wishes that... unsay cruel words said to someone we love, say "Yes" to a job offer that we rejected... but of course that aint the way things work.

I don't know how you slap down the "I wish I had..." moments in your head. Maybe even literally slap yourself, tell yourself to "Oh stop it!", and find something else to think about and do.

Lame advice. Sorry.