Old 07-16-2017, 01:29 PM #1 (permalink)
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Default I Am Being Rotten Today

Well okay not acting on all my rotten thoughts but thinking them. I finally got some sleep last night. Today though Brian wants a shower now, wants laundry now, keeps acting like I need to do more and do it faster. How I dare I watch TV? Laundry! How long will you be at the store he asks. Mind you I work full time and he can still be on his own, he just wants me back on the double to get stuff done.

Doing stuff is all I seem to do these days. My life is worried and tired and angry too often. Yup, today I am just mad. He use to run around all the time like an energizer bunny so if I'm not I'm being a bum.

I know he is terminal, I know he is disabled, I know he has lost things I can only imagine. So, I feel guilty for thinking rotten things like "Sure, back in a jiffy for His Magesty's shower". I am in the car at the store writing this on the sly and feeling crabby. I'll get over it, it's just been a hard week.
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Old 07-16-2017, 01:34 PM #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

hugs Lenore xxx
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Old 07-16-2017, 01:41 PM #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Hugs from me too.
Am I a terrible person if I say I hope we all have those days and thoughts?

On the upside, it makes the 15? 30? seconds that you take to just breathe before jumping back into it that much sweeter. This week imagine a really cold, savory, perfect Bloody Mary, slowly sipped, during those seconds. Pool boys and palm fans are optional if you can add 2 seconds more.

--cee
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Old 07-16-2017, 01:51 PM #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Cee you are going to fit right on in!

A strategy that really helped me de-stress was that I used to walk along the hallway (where I could not be seen) and I would pull really exaggerated faces, shake my hands and punch the air - all things I would have hated to be seen doing. But it was amazing how much stress it released! I would play with how far long the hall I could get and how quickly I could return everything about myself to normal as I stepped out of the hall.

When I returned to Chris I would truly feel so much calmer and that whatever had been bugging me was no longer such a big deal. I could smile and continue on.

Sometimes I would 'pretend' to need something up the other end of the house just to go do a de-stress walk
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Old 07-16-2017, 03:19 PM #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Thanks

After complaining about lunch, he said he changed his mind on taking a shower and I said nope in you go, you need one. So he is now and I washed his hair and back, now he rubs for awhile on his own. The best part of him showering is even when he is having a day he gets out tired and is calm.

Thanks for the visions of bloody Mary's, cabana boys, and hugs
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Old 07-16-2017, 06:21 PM #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Right there with you ladies! The "you must do this on my timeframe" mindset. SOOOOO aggravating!

And I actually told him (OK, yelled at him) yesterday that I was going to sell the f&**ing handicapped van if he didn't stop the constant backseat driving!

Here's to palm trees, warm beaches and cold margaritas! Hugs!!!!
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Old 07-16-2017, 06:32 PM #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

I so get it Lenore. Doing EVERYTHING is ALOT! HUGS to you!

I keep thinking that SOMEDAY all of us CALS need to get together for a long weekend for those bloody marys, palm trees and cabanas... I REALLY want this to happen!

Tillie, I got a chuckle out of the de-stress walk. I soooo wish my halls were a bit longer.

I am sooooo glad you all are here with me.

Oh and by the way! I just had a bloody mary!
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Old 07-16-2017, 07:28 PM #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

OMG on the backseat driving! Yup, we don't have a van, he uses a walker and I told him the other day either he quit that or started calling Metro Mobility. Then I felt like a total witch because he just now fully stopped driving. I feel better now!
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Old 07-16-2017, 07:50 PM #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

This is totally my life right now too. Do everything, but make sure I do it to his standards and when he wants it done, never mind that I have three needy people who need things constantly as it is.
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Old 07-17-2017, 02:47 AM #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Sooner do you know how tiny you can make your steps if you try, or how much better the de-stress walk is if you take 1 step forwards then 2 steps back ... don't matter how short the hall is - you can even just stand in the bathroom and do it all on the spot.

It did truly calm me down so often, and I would laugh at myself and that all helped get through some awful days.

This and the pity party thread seem to be very much needed, so CALS blow off some steam here in these threads - the release really does make you a better CALS!
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Old 07-17-2017, 05:34 AM #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Stared reading this last night and fell asleep in the middle.

I agree sling all lines. Brian us a perfectionist and always has to do things the same exact way. If you don't he's already trying to remind you what you forgot. That really gets my goat. I've told him about it on numerous occasions, but it's him and doesn't change.

I too leave the room to destress. Many times I tell him I'm heading to the office. Most times I am as I do have work to do. Other times. I walk around the house. It helps.

Before he was sick I'd tell him, I am not one of your employees, I'm your wife. Do not treat me like that. Mr.. micro-manager. I always felt for the employees.

Hugs,

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Old 07-17-2017, 09:09 AM #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Lenore, we are all terminal, everyone on this earth is terminal all the more reason to be kind and loving to each other, he should know that. Him and I and all the others are in the same boat, there is never a reason to mistreat your wife who is also your care giver that is just plain stupid and ignorant and it angers me to hear that sort of thing. I am no angel but my wife is and I try to treat her as such.
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:22 PM #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Al, that's very kind of you. I think PALS & CALS alike have to cut each other some slack. But we're all human (maybe some are a little closer to saints, but I'm definitely not!) and that means we all have our "moments."

I sure relate, however, with thinking the wicked thoughts and making faces in the hallway. I talk to myself, too...a lot! My PALS ALWAYS has the TV on and since I can't stand to hear shoot 'm up westerns and Judge Judy all day, I got him (uh huh, me) headphones for the TV. So now it's only the neighbor who must think I'm crazy on the other side of the bathroom wall arguing with myself. Oh yes, and the dog gets an earful, too! Poor girl. LOL
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:36 PM #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Brian is usually pretty nice. However, his perfectionism gets the better of him and his own previous energy level was manic. Mine is high, but not crazy high and my mind sees big pictures and likes getting the task done. I don't worry so much about if it got done in numerical order!

He is actually pretty receptive to bluntness- you could never be too subtle or too sweet with a Brian when he got on a fussy roll. Sit down, shut up, knock it off... ALS changes everything and nothing all at once.
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Old 07-18-2017, 05:10 AM #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: I Am Being Rotten Today

Lenore I wonder if it has to do with the name Brian. Our sound so much a like

Hugs

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