venting...... again.

[laurel]

I would just quietly tell her she is not welcome if she appears again. You have no grounds for a restraining order at this point, but you would if she tries to push past you and come in. At that point call the police. Your husband is ill and you are his wife and you can set the limits on who comes and goes into your home. I would not discuss it with your husband --even though he does have a right to know --she has caused at lot of misery in your life in the past so why bother to add fuel to the fire by discussing her with him. Just keep your lip zipped and don't let her in. My two cents. I'm sorry that she has re-appeared at this stressful time in your life. Try to not ruminate about her Pandora--just say no if she calls or attempts to visit. You owe her no explanations. Hugs to you.
Laurel

 

[Atsugi]

Wowee. Pandora, thanks for spicing up my day.

Everybody says such smart things, I agree with them all, including the mutually exclusive alternatives!

If she sees him once, she'll help him some more, then take him out for a show, and soon your life (and his) will become even more complicated.

Best nip this bud with a big grand slam! Get the restraining order, the visitor restriction, and don't feel guilty about shreadding her mail and deleting her emails/voicemails. As the caregiver, it's your responsibility to lie, cheat or steal as needed to ensure his/your best quality of life.

If you give her an inch, she'll become the ruler.

 

[brooksea]

Liz, I disagree! He has his mind fully functional, but not (perhaps) his thinking cap!

 

[Pandora]

Well guys thanks for all the good advice. To clear some things up, he is fully aware that she came by. He says he does not care either way if he sees her or not. He knows just how I feel about her, I have made no bones about that for years. I do not look at ALS as "his" illness, this is happening to both of us. Tho yes, it may be his body, it's my soul too. I am in just as much pain as he is, I am just a pissed off as he is, and I am going through the same feelings he does. We are taking this road together, and what happens to him, happens to me. I have decided not to let her into my home. I will be the one dealing with the emotions when her visits would stop. I do not need the extra stress. I refuse to let this ruin what time we have left in any way. Either 5 months or 5 days or 5 years, she is out. If she contacts us again, legal action will take place. I must protect him, and myself from any emotional issues. If he ever asks to see her, I will allow it, just as it would be his wish. I was asked the question, If he was not sick, would i allow his person into my home? Would I be alright with a outing if he wanted to? Well.... that's a big HELL NO! So this is not any different. Again, thanks guys for all the advice, I have taken it all to heart. I'm sorry if some of yall don't agree and think I'm being petty, but if she was a real friend and respected him (in any way) she would not put a married man in a situation like this. We have names for gals like that, where I come from. I'm just too much of a lady to repeat them

 

[abbigaill2]

I agree with you totally Pandora. Some people have a bent heart and go through life reeking havoc where ever they can . This is havoc neither you or your husband need at this time. As a nurse she is governed by a code of professional conduct. I as a nurse believe she has stepped over that line. Just food for thought. Time you or your husband kicked her to the curb.

 

[LizT]

Pandora- I am glad that you have decided what to do regarding this matter. Im really hoping that my post didnt offend you. Of course the two of you are going thru this together and you hurt just as much has he does! I understand that 100%. In your original post, you hadnt mentioned if your husband knew she was there or how he felt about seeing her. Now that you did mention all that, my view is with you.
Do what needs to be done to protect yourself and your hubby from her. Im not too much of a lady, so I will say it- she is a homewrecking tramp!

 

[Pandora]

@ Liz, Im so sorry i didnt mean for it to come off as snappy, in case i did. I just wanted you to know that. And your right, thats a less colorful , but just what we call them too.

 

[heymom05]

How far are you from Louisiana? I'll come over and show uou how we deal with women like that.

 

[Pandora]

i'm not that far, im in ft. worth... come on over, Ill make drinks after.

 

[HelenL]

Ah, come on, let her in and let Gina take care of her! Just be sure to post the video afterwards!

Thanks for the chuckle...

You definitely deserve better, as does your husband!

 

[heymom05]

I just plan on having her over for a little meal with my favorite seasonings, ipecac and emetrol....she wont know whether she is going or ...going, but either way, i can guarantee she wont be back!

 

[Marose]

I would not let her see him. You are married to him and I think it is more than unhealthy and unreasonable for her to be in your life. You don't need the added aggravation....you are going through enough. This could be a terrible thought but do you think she is capable of trying to get him to to put her in his will? I would never type something so terrible but I know it happens.

 

[LizT]

No worries, Pandora. Just wanted to make sure there werent any issues between us is all.

 

[jwife]

WOW, this is the best soap opera I've seen on this forum, but I don't know what to think. I agree that your husband might want to see her. I think everyone is right that she might use her visit to make all kinds of false claims against the care you are giving. Or she might actually be a help to you. Help that I wouldn't trust for all the tea in China. For sure, I wouldn't trust her alone with my husband. Since you know the history, I think you have to decide how to deal with this woman (don't think I'd call her a lady because a lady would ask nicely and be understanding of your feelings). She sounds a little looney to me (especially if she just shows up at your door without even a phone call). A restraining order might be your only resolution. GOOD LUCK!