Update on PALS Krissy

[pepsiman]

I've been following this thread since yesterday. Reliving those final days with Liz. It helps to write it down. It helps to put it into words here, in a place with an understanding audience. I didn't cry either, until those final moments. And so many times since that I've lost count. Hang in there Atsugi.

Dick

 

[dian_na]

Thinking of you and Krissy, hope you's got some sleep. Thinking of Liz and Dick, too it must hurt and help to bringing it back. I hope it make you feel closer to Liz by reaching out. You guys are so brave.

 

[susanf]

Thinking of you and Krissy, me and my box of kleenex. Maybe family could come down to help with the kids and support you. Could you give ALSA a call for respite services? You shouldn't have to do this by yourself.
Your a good man.
Praying for you both.

 

[lms9258]

Mike, thank you for telling us what is happening. I started using morphine about a week and a half ago. My mom is not really able to express what she wants, so I've been having to make a lot of scary decisions as we are nearing the end. Hospice is just not there like I need them to be. Friday, August 5--we were allowed the 24/7 crisis care. On Monday they pulled out, and I had to have her regular nurse replaced with one who has more experience. I guess they think it is possible for one person to stay awake 24/7, and do this. You have really been extremely helpful to me personally as we are in a very similar situation. Describing Krissy's stats, how much they gave her, how she felt afterwards...makes me feel less in the dark...less alone. Expressing what you are experiencing during this time, has been extremely informative, and timely in our case.

Your narcissism (lol), HAS done the world...me personally, a favor. Thank you. I sure will be thinking about you both...

Laura

 

[Atsugi]

Notme, I think you're right. I better call the family. And concerning the adult hour, I might actually do that sometime.

Dian_na, I'll always be excited to hear your ideas and experiences about living on a boat.

Or maybe I got excited thinking about ep's chest.

Speaking of nursing, the Crisis Care nurses from Hospice of the Comforter are taking 12 hour shifts from 8-8. They're RNs. Much better.

I took a Lunesta and 4 Mirapex and slept from 4:30-6:30. Woke up with the usual apnotic headache. There was a new nurse I didn't know.

Waking up on the floor with a headache and a strange woman in the room made me feel like I was back in the military again. I spent almost all of my life either at sea or overseas. The US was just too boring.

God I loved that life. Overseas there were bad guys and spies and enemies and good people who needed our help. Anything could happen at any moment. I got a good paycheck and had only fun things to spend it on. Constantly seeing new places and learning new languages. I had a mission, a feeling that my work was important. And when you met a nurse or a fellow female warrior, the relationship didn't waste time and wasn't scrutinized for moral propriety--you just enjoyed life for a few days off together, and got back to the mission.

I did my part to kill some people, and did my part to help some people. I directly saved lives with my own hands or with my own words. With that kind of raison d'etre, I didn't mind the long days or the muddy sleeping bags.

Krissy understood that part of the job, that way of life. She was always willing to sacrifice herself for others. And lord knows she saved a lot of lives as a medical doctor.

If it weren't for her, I probably would have died in the 90s in a ditch in some 3rd world country, choked on whiskey and laying in my own vomit. As it is, now she's laying in my most comfortable bed I could find, dying of some disease as a result of some high ranking government official whose job it was to kill some people to save others.

And so it goes.

 

[susanf]

Mike,
Don't forget to take care of yourself too.
You sound like my Dad regarding military life. He's 86 year old warbird. Battle of Okinawa veteran. He tells my 11 year old if it wasn't for old guys like him she'd be goose stepping and talking Japanese.

 

[dian_na]

ATsugi, are you a writer? If not you'd make an excelent one. Your post are serious, yet fun, complex, yet simply written.
I When I got out of the army I purchased a 50ft houseboat named Ris-kay. I owned a Chris Craft before the houseboat. The name of the Chris Craft was Lady 'D'. I kept the houseboat on the Mississippi River and became a real life Huckaberryfina. The traquility of the water is beyond any decription of words in my vocabulary, and the gentle rocking of the boat eased years of on the edge routine I had become accustomed to. In the winter it was one of few places I am aware I could sit on the upper deck of my boat and the American Bald Egles flew all around me landing in trees and fishing of course, but mostly stealing fish from seagulls. Never knew the egle to be so lazy until then. Did you know they float down river on huge chunks of ice eating chad who are not strong enough to survive the cold water so they lay on top barely alive and these Eagles get em. If they aren't doing that, they will fly and take the food out of a seagulls mouth. For some reason I had always invisioned them swooping down picking up their prey fierlessly, it might happen like that somewhere else but not on the Mississippi.
Your getting good training with your housework for when you buy your boat to live on. A boat is constant cleaning. inside and out.
My dreamboat would be a Bertram
Bertram Yacht | Models

But the smartest is to buy a house that has been built on a barge, I have seen those in Florida they are nice. Then buy a really nice runabout with a decent cuddy cabin. Best of both worlds and more economic if you want to take it out, My boat got less then 2 miles per gallon of gas .........

 

[maryhahnward]

Mike - the biggest job you ever had to do is right now, being there for her, being there for you kids, and it is the most important. Loving and caring for you wife well at the end of her life is your gift to her, everything was a dress reherseal leading to now.

 

[notme]

Maybe YOU need a c-pap, Mike!

Feel free to take me up on a few hours away. I'd come.

 

[heymom05]

Are you kidding, we talk about the end of this all the time. Kevin wants a Black Gospel Choir to sing "As long as I got King Jesus"....know where i can find that?

Mike, my silly friend, are a fantastic husband! We can sleep when this is over!

 

[Katie C]

Gina's right...it's been a year and I'm still trying to catch up on sleep! We never got to 24/7 care with Glen.. he went really really fast at the end. But my mom was on 24/7 for 3 weeks. It actually turned into a bonding time for the family... me and my siblings, nieces, nephews.. the idea was we would take turns. The reality was we had frequent slumber parties. Found out how uncomfortable my brother is with death.. I was on my laptop working on readings,etc, for Mom's service... he got VERY upset... "She's not dead YET!" I just looked at him and said "Yup.. that's why they call it preplanning!" But it was an exhausting three weeks and I agree with what everyone has told you.... bring in whomever you can think of so you can get some rest when you can.

Hang in there...we're all thinking of you!

 

[minnesota]

Thank you for keeping us posted! Praying and thinking of you both! Your honesty bonds the forum family together. Appreciating your words and caring about you and Krissy! You are serving her in the utmost way--loving her with everything you have--

 

[brooksea]

Hoping Krissy is able to rest peacefully during this difficult time. Hope you find some time to really get some rest.

How are the kids doing?

 

[dian_na]

here's a nice link to help you dream
Living Aboard Forums • Index page
What kind of boat were you thinking? The least expensive way I have found boats is driving around to the harbors. My Chris Craft I found in one of those thirfty nickel paper oddly enough stored in the same harbor as my houseboat not knowing at time. The guy was kicked off the river for tieing to a Barge line. (That dude was a blade short of a windmill) He also had purchased the boat to take to Florida, He left Missouri in a wooden boat, which was fresh water cooled on 19 Dec. Made it 2 miles his son and himself were freezing so they tied to a barge line ready to pull out. Luckly the Captain saw this boat tied to him and located the Coast Gaurd. The guy himself told me his story and I told him if I were him I would never ever repeat that story to anyone. My 50ft houseboat I found in dry dock, the harbor took possesion after a bad divorce, I only paid $4000 for a boat worth $60,000 no joke.
I could talk boats for hours so I will spare you. I loved living on a boat and would do it again in a heartbeat. Its fairly reasonable living on a boat too.

 

[Atsugi]

Hard to type because I'm holding her hand.

I asked the doc to measure ABG (arterial blood gas) to measure CO2, to see if O2 is getting into the bloodstream, but the doc said no and also said some intelligent doctor stuff, so I thanked him for giving my request a thoughtful consideration.

Although I think a lab test would give more data on which to base a decision, all the hospice professionals are saying they need to treat symptoms. I don't think they understand that the ABG would give valuable data to explain _which_ part of the respiratory system needs fixing.

After sucking hard on the nebulizer and then sipping a Ginger Ale, she's mouth breathing faster, so the nurse stepped outside to call the doctor to get a "P.R.N." order (give as needed) for the morphine.

That would increase her overall morphine level. I could object. But then, I guess it's time to change my thinking. The morphine will both relieve her dyspnea symptoms and her emotional pain. So that's not a bad way to die.

Does the morphine work? You be the judge: when I woke up I noticed that her Oxygen line was disconnected, and no one seemed to notice, not even Krissy.

As always, Stephen (16) is doing World of Warcraft and Becca (13) is sleeping off a big show where her little church youth group did a rap at a very major church in the city. Normally they'd hide in their rooms all day, but I've told them now that whenever they are in the house, they are to sit where mom can see her whole family together.

Miscellany: I just massaged her feet. We're watching "Jumping the Broom." We installed two window air conditioners and a fan blowing directly onto the hospital bed, because Krissy is warm--even though I'm freezing. Our meals are delivered by The Grub Taxi service.

One of her sister's (a nurse) will fly down in the morning.

Boats! I gotta get a blog so we can talk about happy things.