Such a naive cals

[ruthiep]

Thanks to all of your amazing responses.....yes, I've opened my drawer and put my big girl pants on----just hoping I don't have to keep yanking them up as it's gonna get a lil tough on the boob area (or maybe not)! You all give great advice which is much appreciated! Even though I have wonderful friends and family, there's nobody that understands this journey and offers advice like those who have been there and/or who are going there! Again, hugs and love to you all-------you are SO VERY APPRECIATED!

Ruth

 

[caldona]

Medicare will pay for someone to bath him it would give you about an hour break plus it gives him a chance to someone else my husband didn't realize what a relief it was until home health started giving me my bath. He may not like it at the first time or two just request the same one ever time here the workers work the same area the only time I have someone different is when she is sick or on vacation. I made this clear that I was not on display that is when they told me it should be the same person. He will get over being mad he has too.

 

[caldona]

Ruthie- I can understand completely what you are going through. My mom was diagnosed a little over 2 years ago and it was pretty aggressive. She lost her speech first and the physical part has deteriorated to the point where she can't do anything for herself anymore. We have to lift her from the wheelchair to go to the bathroom (she will not use a catheter) and everything else. We hired an aide through an agency, but the three that we found so far were horrible. I don't know what to do. I am at my wit's end. My mom was the one who took care of the yard and everything else. My dad is here, but he works from home and seems to be out of town more now than ever before. That leaves me and my aunt to take care of her when he isn't here. They hired me to work for the company but it seems like he really hired me to take care of her because he is never around. I don't know what to do. I have a brother but he has a wife and 3 kids so he doesn't seem to have to do as much as I do. I love my mother and I know she would do the same for me, but I feel so guilty when I take the day off for myself. It is really taking a toll on me and him. If there is anyone in the MD area that knows of an agency that does home aides, I would love to get the number. The agency we got can't even find aides that can lift my mom. Kind of a necessary thing at this point!

Why do you have to lift her don't you have a hoyler lift go under search to see different methods

 

[caldona]

Ruthie, I am so glad you posted this. I was just lamenting a few days ago how far Dean has progressed in the past year. We are getting ready to move and I'm doing it all. He sits in his recliner and watches TV and naps. I know he would like to be helping me but he knows he can't. We have professional movers coming to move everything. After reading your post, I'm going to make some changes. I'm going to quit doing it all myself! First priority is maid service every other week (thanks Katie). I'm going to hire a LPN one day a month (has to be LPN because of feeding through the tube) to give me a day to just get away, shopping, hair, nails, movie, whatever! Ruthie & Katie, you inspired me! Thank you. Ruthie, I hope you can follow through and do for yourself as well. As fulltime caregivers, we deserve it! Don't let anyone ever tell you we don't.

You should not have to hire LPN one comes to see me every week and a cna baths me three times a week this is not based on income Medicare pays for it.

 

[Iloveocean]

I have to say the only reason the yard got done is because our home is a condo and they did it. Otherwise FORGET IT! Now that I have been looking back at all the things that I should have done I can tell you honestly that I should have gotten more help sooner. I almost killed myself doing it all. There really is no glory in it!

 

[momap53]

Get extra help sooner rather than later for whatever needs doing around the house. You'll both feel better.
I was the "doer" for a lot of home maintenance, including the gardening details that our HOA landscape crew didn't take care of. (cooking and cleaning too) my KK just doesn't have the skill sets to do some things and is too busy trying to keep up the basics as well as attending to my increasing needs. It's so frustrating to see things go undone or the delays that come about in getting things done because our "work" styles and priorities are so different. It has been so very difficult to adjust to the decreasing ability to "do stuff" around the house. These days even folding the towels from my PWC wears me out. As my strength and stamina decline I've decided that it's just best to save my energy to maintain as much independence in my ADLs as I can.
Good luck with making the transition to having hired help. It's great to have things taken care of but the process of accepting that you have to pay someone to do things that you were once capable of doing and even enjoyed and took pride in is a difficult road.

 

[panguinjen]

Deb,
That is so true, I put off hiring a housekeeper for years! My MIL, SIL have had housekeepers for a long time as well as a lot of my friends.... I fought it and fought it until Rog was diagnosed and I realized something had to give...and now I'm retired I still don't have time to do housekeeping to my standards so we are keeping the service. I just can't do all of it and be a civil human being...

Jen

 

[momap53]

Undone makes me crabby too!

 

[vzandt]

Yep...undone makes me crabby. but cant really afford someone regularly so i guess Ill just be crabby.

 

[dragonflydi]

Everyone who advised getting help has been there and knows how important that is. I agree wholeheartedly. Tom would love it if I cleaned the garage and car weekly, edged the driveway and all the flower beds and did everything else (not necessary to enumerate--you all know what I mean!) plus work part-time. I tried to "do it all" for a couple of years, but as his care needs increased, so did my stress, frustration and annoying stress-related ailments. We created a webpage through the MDA's Lotsa Helping Hands organization and it's been a godsend. I think we've talked about this before on this site. You invite people to join, create a calendar, post whatever help you need and people sign up. Boy do they sign up! People really want to help but they don't know what to offer. Sometimes we have people "fighting" over who is going to help us. It's been wonderful and I couldn't exist without it. Good luck! --Diane

 

[Fiancee]

I hired two ladies to clean the house a long time ago. I knew and felt that my energy is more valuable than the amount that I am paying them. He use to take care of the pool, but eventually, I know I will need to hire somebody to tak care of that too. Hope this helps you somehow.

 

[Barbie]

Ruth, I just want to say that you are a hoot! Your husband is lucky to have you on his side. hire the yard guy and the cleaning lady and pour yourself a big glass of wine...

 

[panguinjen]

Diane,
I think you posted earlier about lotsahelpinghands and it is a godsend! One of the best things I ever did!

Jen