Struggling

[starente15]

No worries Deb! It's been clear for some time that my mother isn't capable of making good decisions and I've had to work around this. I want her to have what she she wants but don't trust that she understands the possible consequences of this either.

 

[BlueandGold]

From a PAL's perspective; I will be cremated as well but will also make it very clear that my family will not be present during the cremation. When I take my last breath that is when I will leave this earth and my family will say their goodbyes. My body will be nothing more than a vacant home, no longer occupied.

Vince

 

[poppies]

Star, I am so sorry for your loss. I am so glad that you made it to your dad's side on time and that he had you with him when he passed. His passing must have been traumatic for you, but it sounds like it was so peaceful for him. What a relief that he could go quietly with his loved ones at his side. I'll be thinking of you as you all start this new chapter in your lives and wishing you much peace, love and light.

 

[scaredwifetx]

Star. I need to clarify that I realize after looking over this thurs that I misunderstood and thought you meant his service. I would not want to view my husband being cremated and think it would not be a good idea. I meant everything else I said. I learned a lesson tonight. Do not post opinions on something so personal or important when you have had no sleep in two days and we're to tired to read or write. I must apologize to you. My thoughts will be with you and your family.

 

[affected]

goodness me, I don't know if they offer that here, I didn't have it offered and didn't even consider it.
the funeral director phoned me to let me exactly what time it would be done so that I could do anything in remembrance at that time, but not there.

If you all decide to agree to go with her Star, what about putting together a bunch of photos to take, and maybe pick some music to have playing in the room?

I like the idea of saying to her - well no it will be too much for ME, I have comfort from seeing his peaceful body. You know, you can simply tell her that she can go but that you are not. You do not HAVE to bow to everything she wants. That does not mean you are not supporting her, but you have given above and beyond already, you are grief stricken and you have your own rights to grieve your own way.

Maybe you can start healing and truly grieving if you start stating what you will and won't do. Talk to your brother, and he can decide to do the same or not.

I'm so heart broken that you just get more piled on you every time you turn around.

You know that we have the past CALS section to continue supporting you, you are part of a big family here.

 

[starente15]

No apology needed Deb. I understand how much stress everyone here is under and hesitated to even ask because the idea bothered me so much.

I have decided that I will go with them but not into the viewing room. My brother will be here shortly and I'm hoping we can avoid going altogether but if not I'll be close by, just not witnessing it as I really do not want that memory.

 

[affected]

good for you Star, I hope you stuck to it. huge hugs

 

[starente15]

So it turns out, once you walk in the door from the outside, bam!, you're in the viewing room and the window is right there. I took a seat in the corner facing the outside, put on meditation music and went to another place where I could be calm. My mom, brother, sister-in-law and boyfriend viewed him one last time and at the last minute my mother decided she didn't need to see anything else. I was SO relieved. After that my brother and I went home, had a drink and passed out for a few hours.

Tomorrow is the service which will really add finality to this and I suspect will be an extremely difficult day for her but she has us here to go through it together.

 

[scaredwifetx]

I am so relieved for you and your family. She did make the choice which is a good sign. She is surrounded by love and you have a loving family that will help each other through. Hopefully together you can heal and share the good memories you have all built together. A prayer for tomorrow and the days to come. my heart and thoughts are with you.

 

[starente15]

Thank you again everyone. I can never express how much I appreciate the support and love I've received from everyone here even while you are dealing with and processing your own situations. It's wonderful to have a place where can feel you are not alone in this.

 

[affected]

You are a true Star and I'm so glad you did not have to go through that.
You are family, we will be holding your hand tomorrow xxx