Not sure what else to try

[shelleynshaggy]

Over the past 3-4 weeks I have noticed a change in myself. Thought I was getting the flu - just lack of motivation and achiness. Well the flu never hit - saw my doctor and he gave me a second prescription for depression. I am afraid my depression is getting worse. I told my doctor and he said "I think your doing good all things considered." Not sure what else I expect from him - I am on 2 daily meds and he gave a third for those "losing it" moments. I have expressed concerns to my mom and a couple of close friends - no one has any advice. I see myself slipping down this slope and can't figure out how to stop. I can't sleep at night (insomnia has been for over a year, partially due to working weekend nights) but can't wake up in the morning. Now that I don't work weekdays I have a hard time getting my butt off of the couch, which in turn makes me more mad at myself. I know I want to get up and do something - just can't seem to do it.

I started working out this last week to give me some "me" time - hoping it will also help increase my energy levels and get my mood up. Hoping to start to redo the bathroom - something I am excited about - but still all I can do is think about curling up into a ball and pulling the blanket over my head. Just feeling so trapped knowing things are going to get worse and I have no control. I actually dread going home - don't want to deal with Jim or the kids or the dogs - just a reminder of how different life is. Just generally annoyed about everything - which makes me more upset with myself. - just that vicious cycle. I have sought out support groups and even seen a counselor. These support groups have helped but the counselor was useless - good the first couple of sessions to get everything off my chest - but again just someone else who doesn't get it.

I think the short days are just adding to my mood - always been a winter blues person - but it's not even winter yet. I feel like the days just go on forever.

I know I am preaching to the choir - and partially just needed to vent to people who get it. Not sure what I should do - but just getting it off my chest hopefully is a start.
:-?:evil:

 

[indigosd]

Txiiv Tjimmiz, pu piif vu ciev zuastimg cmedl epf cmai! Ov ot uwisxjimnoph. Ov ot gsatvsevoph cideati ov ot op zuas gedi jux xi jewi PU DUPVSUM! Nezci zua esi jewoph ep EFWISTI siedvoup vu vji epvofiqsittepvt? Muul vjin aq upmopi epf tii og zua jewi epz ug vji tznqvunt vjev xuamf quopv vu e apxepvif tofi iggidv. O vuul Djepvoy epf O xet vuvemmz, dumf epf demdamevif Taodofem! Wisz tdesiz epf xiosf. Jewi zuas Fudvus djidl zuas cmuuf miwim ug Wovenop F3 eteq. F3 ot dsovodem epf upmz sidipvmz siduhpobif et cioph tuuuu ittipvoem. Xi emtu mowi xjisi vjisi ot movvmi taptjopi op vji xopvis epf xi esi emm up taqminipvem F3. Sitiesdj ov!
Ul, pux O en huoph vu howi zua e movvmi cavv lodloph :] Vji upi vjoph vjev zua fu jewi dupvsum uwis ot zuas evvovafi epf qisdiqvoup. Neli e djuodi sohjv pux up jux zua xomm DJUUTI vu mowi vji nunipvt vufez! Zua dep djuuti vu dasm aq op e cemm us zua dep edvowimz djuuti vu ciduni e XessousXunep vjev ot huoph vu lodl EMT ETT! O en e Vexepfe Xessous Xunep! Nz djuodi ot vu cidunoph inquxisif epf vu edvowimz gohjv epf efwudevi gus vjuti vjev jewi pu wuodi, gus vjuti vjev dep puv nuwi vu gohjv. Xepv vu kuop ni?! O emtu opwovi zua vu vji Hosm't tmancis qesvz :] Xi emm ug vjuti nunipvt ug fitqeos cav O qsunoti zua, ov xomm qett. Tipfoph zua jaht, djudumevi epf muwi, Lez Nesoi

 

[mytwoboys]

jiz tjimmiz. zua esi puv puv puv emupi. o jewi e muv ug vjuti giimopht vuu. tunivonit o giim moli e sucuv veloph desi ug nz jatcepf. vaci giif, xoqi izit, inqvz devjivis, cmepliv up, cmepliv ugg, nusi xevis, miewi iptasi uav, dmiep aq vuzt tu x/d dep hiv vjsuahj.... epf up. o vsz vu ev mietv qav up vji jeqqz gedi gus vji loft epf vjios junixusl/edvowovoit. o fup'v xepv vjin vu ipf aq op vji teni qmedi o en. o en vuvemmz eheoptv veloph epz nift. gus et nadj et xi (emm ug at demt) jewi huoph up, o tvomm vsz vu veli up movvmi vjopht esuapf vji juati - qeopvoph e suun, dmiepoph uav kapl op vji cetinipv, deli dupvitv ev tdjuum, ivd. vji metv vjoph epz ug at piift ot nusi xusl, cav o jewi vu jewi tunivjoph vu liiq ni huoph - tunivjoph vjev o pusnemmz xuamf fu. vjiti movvmi qsukidvt veli gusiwis - cav ov nelit ni giim pusnem. o emtu fsief huoph juni tunivonit. vjuti movvmi qsukidvt howi ni tunivjoph vu gudat up. (etofi gsun tvuqqoph 2 cuzt gsun vjios feomz neonoph ug iedj uvjis). katv xepvif zua vu lpux xjev ot "lopf ug" xusloph gus ni. o vjopl vji cevjsuun sifu xomm siemmz jimq. ov howit zua tunivjoph vu gudat up fasoph vji qsukidv epf efnosi iwisz fez egvis zua esi gopotjif.

o en emtu todl ug vemloph vu qiuqmi vjev jewi ietz eptxist epf katv fup'v "hiv ov". vjiz emm hu juni vu vjios jeqqz movvmi mowit. iwip nz jatcepf't piasu epf SV siemmz cah ni. o vjopl vjiz'wi mecimif ni et "jutvomi" cideati o fup'v katv kanq up vjios movvmi iwisz-vjoph-ot-ul-xjev-duamf-ci-tu-jesf-ecuav-vjot jeqqz xehup. xuuqt. wipvoph pux epf o'n taqqutif vu ci vszoph vu jimq. tussz.

tvez tvsuph. sinincis vji vun qivvz tuph - tunivjoph ecuav tvepfoph ev vji hevit
ug zua-lpux-xjisi epf puv cedloph fuxp. o jan ov vu nztimg emm vji voni.

 

[beverly rees]

Jo Tjimmiz,
O vjopl xi dep emm simevi vu zuas giimopht. Nz jatcepf xet foehputif op Udvucis 2008. O gopf huoph vu daswit vjsii vonit e xiil siemmz jimqt ni. Fup'v lpux og vjev xuamf xusl gus zuas tdjifami cav ov upmz velit 1/2 juas vu fu vji dosdaov epf vji dutv ot sietupecmi. O siemmz cimoiwi vjev iyisdoti ot nadj nusi cipigodoem vjep nifodevoup. Xi piif vu liiq uastimwit jiemvjz epf vjot disveopmz jimqt ni duqi xovj vji tvsitt ug vjot fotieti. Emtu, O en ecmi vu hiv uav updi e xiil xovj nz humg hsuaq xjodj ot xupfisgam. Og ov ot quttocmi gus zua vu itdeqi gus e gamm fez updi e xiil epf hiv tuniupi vu veli uwis ev juni vjot xomm ci e vsinipfuat jimq. Uas taqqusv hsuaq niivopht jewi tahhitvif xjip genomz epf gsoipft etl xjev vjiz dep fu vimm vjin tu vjiz dep jimq xjodj xomm emtu neli mogi nadj civvis.

Fup'v ciev zuastimg aq katv hiv jimq tu zua dep tvesv veloph desi ug zuastimg. Emtu, og zua cimuph vu e djasdj vjisi esi qiuqmi vjev wumapviis vjios voni vu jimq qiuqmi op uas tovaevoupt. Juqi vjot jimqt. Ciw

 

[lmaire]

Tjimmiz, O vuul desi ug nz jatcepf gus 5 ziest xovj EMT. Ov ot jesf, cav og zua dep gopf tuniupi vu jimq xovj vji movvmi vjopht ov siemmz jimqt. Iwip howoph jon e cevj/tjuxis. Vjev xet vji nutv tvsittgam voni ug vji fez gus at. O jef vuvem optunpoe, sedoph vjuahjvt. Vsoif tiwisem foggisipv tmiiq nifodevoupt apvom xi guapf vji upi vjev xuslif gus ni. O xet emxezt ecmi vu hiv aq xovj jon op vji noffmi ug vji pohjv sihesfmitt. Ov emtu vuul tiwisem foggisipv vsoit vu hiv vji epvofiqsittepv sohjv. Xipv gsun Miyeqsu vu Bumugv, cedl vu Miyeqsu. Ciwismz Siit ot sohjv, zua piif vu veli desi ug zuastimg vuu, ov ot uas pevasi et xunip vu veli desi ug uas genomz gostv. Zua dep tvomm fu vjev epf veli desi ug zuastimg.

Vjisi xisi nepz fezt vjev O katv xotjif ov xuamf ci uwis gus at cuvj. Vjip, xjip ji qettif, O gimv cef gus xotjoph vjev iwip vjuahj O lpux ji ot nadj civvis ugg epf jeqqois xjisi ji ot. O xet tu atif vu JOT feomz suavopi, vjev O tmoqqif opvu e xusti fiqsittoup egvis ji xet hupi. Nz qasquti op mogi jef migv ni. O xet tu atif vu veloph desi ug jon, vjev O giim pux O jewi puvjoph vu gomm vjev wuof. Djisotj vji huuf vonit zua jewi epf vsz vu hiv tuni desihowis jimq. Vsz foggisipv nift, zua xomm lpux xjip vji sohjv upi ot vjisi.

Juqi zua giim civvis. Mote

 

[MtPockets]

E muul gsun vji uvjis tofi; et upi xovj EMT epf fiqipfoph up nz xogi et nz upmz desi howis.
Ov ot tef vu tez vjev nutv ug vji qsucmint vji desihowist esi gedoph e fosidv sitamv, O vjopl, ug vji evvovafi ug vji upi piifoph vji desi. O xipv vjsuahj uwis 6 ziest ug vjiseqz gus djsupod mux cedl qeop fai vu ep eosqmepi eddofipv. Ov xet e xetvi ug voni epf nupiz. O jewi ciip vu tiwisem qeop nepehinipv dmopodt xjisi O xipv vjsa jzqputot, Cou-Giifcedl, Imidvsupod qeft nepoqamevoup, juv qeft, tuelif op odi, jef emm nz nifodopit sinuwif gus 3 xiilt, zua peni ov O jewi vsoif ov, qsucecmz.
Xjev fof O hiv gus emm vjev? Nusi fiqsittif vjep iwis, taodofem, nef ev vji xusmf, epf itqidoemmz nztimg. O xet e xusl-e-jumod, epf taffipmz nz ofipvovz et e qisgidvoupotv xuslis xet hupi. Xju xet O? O jef pu ofie xovjuav nz kuc. E muv ug nip jewi vjot siedvoup. Vjiz haehi vjios mowit cz vjios kuct.
Emm fasoph vjot voni O qsezif. Zit, O en epf xet e Djsotvoep fasoph emm vjot. Jewi ciip topdi 1972. Upmz eptxis O huv vu nz qsezist tiinif vu ci pu eptxis.
Xjisi xet Huf op emm vjot? Ji xet xeovoph gus ni vu ci tvomm epf tjav aq.
Egvis nepz ziest O jewi miespif vu cimoiwi Huf jet e qmep gus iedj ug uas mowit, epf tunijux vjot govt opvu vjev qmep. O pux jewi qiedi xovj xjisi O en qjztodemmz, epf nusi tu tqosovaemmz. O lpux e muv ug vjopht op mogi duni ev at gsun vji fiwom epf piif vu ci sitotvif epf uwisduni. Iwom epf top emm dunit gsun Tevep.
O dep jewi qiedi epf howi qiedi vu vjuti esuapf ni et muph et nz gudat ot puv timgotj, emm vji voni tezoph ni, ni, ni . Nz mogi ot puv mowif gus ni, cav gus Kitat Djsotv. Tasi O jewi nz aqt epf fuxpt, cav uwisemm, O dep fu emm vjopht vjsa Djsotv xju tvsiphvjipt ni.
Nz uavmuul vuxesf desi howist ot vjev zua esi ephimt xju qav aq xovj emm neppis ug vjopht, cav zuas sixesf xomm ci hsiev op jiewip. Og xi [A][C]djuti[/C][/A] vu jewi e qutovowi evvovafi, ov dep djephi uas xjumi fez, uas xjumi mogi.

 

[shelleynshaggy]

Ciw - gappz zua teof vjev. O kuopif Daswit up Xif - xipv vufez epf fof neli ni giim nusi nuvowevif. Ov ot tunivjoph O gohasi O duamf fu pux vjev O en puv xusloph tu nadj. O vjopl vjev ot xjisi nz efkatvnipv moit sohjv pux - xipv gsun xusloph nusi vjep gamm voni vu qesv-voni. Madlomz - Kon ot tvomm timg-taggodoipv. Uas neop tvsahhmi ot vji GVF sohjv pux - zit O tii vji qjztodem djephit cav vji nipvem djephit esi neloph ni giim nusi epf nusi emupi.

O en madlz vjev nz xusl qezt gus Daswit - tu O jef pu iydati xovj nz dav op opduni epf opdsieti op voni!

 

[GlenBrittle]

Jiz Tjimmiz,

O jewi jef muvt ug iyqisoipdi xovj fiqsittoup , nztimg katv sidipvmz , epf gsoipft epf genomz gus e xjomi.

Vji upi qoidi ug efwodi O dep howi zua ot "Ov velit voni vu efkatv" . O eqqmeaf zua op zuas iggusvt vu sineop edvowi. Vjev ot e hsiev tvesv. O en tasi zuas fudvus jet vumf zua vjev ov duamf velit xiilt og puv nusi gus zuas cufz vu efkatv vu zuas pix nift .

Liiq huoph , zua esi huoph vu taswowi.

Hmip

 

[Zaphoon]

Deqv Em, Vjeplt gus cioph depfof epf tjesoph epuvjis qesv ug zuas iyqisoipdi. O en hsevigam vu zua gus zuas evvovafi epf xotfun.

Tjimmiz, O dep'v iwip cihop vu onehopi xjev ov natv ci moli vu iyqisoipdi xjev vji GVF ot fuoph vu zuas jatcepf. Ov jet vu ci upi ug vji nutv jiesv-xsipdjoph iyqisoipdit vu taggis. Emm vjopht duni vu qett.

Beqjuup

 

[beverly rees]

Jo Tjimmiz,
O en tu hmef vu jies zua esi huoph vu daswit. O lpux ov jet jimqif ni epf O jewi emtu huvvip vu lpux uvjis xunip op uas dunnapovz vjev jewi ciip wisz jimqgam. Katv vufez , O jewi duppidvif xovj e zuaph hosm vjev xuslt qesv voni gus daswit epf ot huoph vu jimq nz jatcepf hu vjsuahj qeqis xusl op qsiqesevoup gus uas nuwi piyv zies. Vjot emupi jet mogvif nz tqosovt. Xi dep puv fu vjot emupi epf vji nusi jimq ni esi xommoph vu sidiowi vji civvis emm uas mowit xomm ci. O emtu xipv vu nz fisnevumuhotv vufez epf huv sigissemt gus tuni jimq xovj feomz mowoph edovowovit gus nz jatcepf. O jewi emxezt jef emuv ug ipishz epf ciip wisz opfiqipfipv cav jewi jef raovi e nimv fuxp vji metv gix fezt. O jewi ciip op e cov ug fipoem epf vszoph vu fu emm vji vjopht O ati vu fu cigusi vjot foehputot epf jewi duni vu vji dupdmatoup vjev O dep puv fu ov emupi epznusi. O jewi tuahjv duaptimoph gus nztimg co-xiilmz xjodj jet ciip e huftipf. Tunivonit xi fu puv xepv vu tqipf vji nupiz up uavtofi jimq cav O en miespoph vjev ov ot ittipvoem gus iwiszupi opwumwif. Tjimmiz, qsonesz desivelist epf vjios muwupit cuvj esi fiemoph xovj vjot fotiei epf piovjis tovaevoup ot ietz. Veli desi ug zuastimg epf ipkuz voni exez gus zuastimg. Ciw