I am at my wits end!
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Green Queen
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Brad! Snap!
It's what my mother in law says/does to me. I took her little boy from her 16 years ago and even though he's happy and I've given him two beautiful children...I'm still not good enough!
The positive to a bad attitude is that I know EXACTLY what kind of MIL I WONT be!
I wonder if your MIL and my MIL are related...
God bless, Janelle x
It's what my mother in law says/does to me. I took her little boy from her 16 years ago and even though he's happy and I've given him two beautiful children...I'm still not good enough!
The positive to a bad attitude is that I know EXACTLY what kind of MIL I WONT be!
I wonder if your MIL and my MIL are related...
God bless, Janelle x
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I'm so late coming in on this because of my internet issues.
Paulette - you are NEVER responsible for another person, not even a little bit, and that goes for Tim too obviously.
So many of us have some incredible stories to tell about the amazing variation of responses from the kids/stepkids. I had an 'evil stepdaughter' and I really had to learn quick how to simply ignore her and not be drawn into her crap.
I love this saying, you and Tim should take it on board - if you aren't going to be a part of my solution, you sure as hell aren't going to be part of my problem!
David will have to live with his decisions on this, you made an incredibly generous offer with no thought for yourself. I hope the massage did a good job in bringing you back to a centred feeling.
Paulette - you are NEVER responsible for another person, not even a little bit, and that goes for Tim too obviously.
So many of us have some incredible stories to tell about the amazing variation of responses from the kids/stepkids. I had an 'evil stepdaughter' and I really had to learn quick how to simply ignore her and not be drawn into her crap.
I love this saying, you and Tim should take it on board - if you aren't going to be a part of my solution, you sure as hell aren't going to be part of my problem!
David will have to live with his decisions on this, you made an incredibly generous offer with no thought for yourself. I hope the massage did a good job in bringing you back to a centred feeling.
gooseberry
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Notbrad and janelle, count my deceased mother and my mil in there. 2 of the most toxic people you will meet. My mom could be just evil and steves mom is oblivious if it isn't about her. She has actually cried because we didn't have a birthday celebration for her not long after steve was diagnosed and we were all a.mess.
Green Queen
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Oh good lord Steph, seriously? No birthday celebration...wow. I think you just won first prize.
Yes, it would be fair to say the has to be a relationship there with them all...
My FIL has Alzheimer's and has been in a nursing home for 18 months. My mil has a lot going on, obviously. BUT, around the time I joined here (March maybe?) she was out to lunch with a friend of hers I also know through my mil. I was there and hobbled over to say hello. The friend was so upset because she had no idea I was unwell.
So I'm hearing you Steph, if the world doesn't revolve around them, it just doesn't revolve.
To this day, my mil has to work really hard to find out how I'm going.
J x
Yes, it would be fair to say the has to be a relationship there with them all...
My FIL has Alzheimer's and has been in a nursing home for 18 months. My mil has a lot going on, obviously. BUT, around the time I joined here (March maybe?) she was out to lunch with a friend of hers I also know through my mil. I was there and hobbled over to say hello. The friend was so upset because she had no idea I was unwell.
So I'm hearing you Steph, if the world doesn't revolve around them, it just doesn't revolve.
To this day, my mil has to work really hard to find out how I'm going.
J x
notBrad
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I'll just give you the tip of the iceberg - Shortly before I was diagnosed, while we were in the fearful stage, my MIL's partner was in the end stage of dying from a variety of old age related issues. So my wife goes down to SoCal for 3 weeks to help her with her partner's passing and getting all the affairs in order, etc... All the time with her mother berating her for everything under the sun (literally every night I'd get a tearful call from Vicky).
So after all that Vicky is back home and we get my diagnosis and she of course calls her mother in tears and on the second call her mother tells her "it upsets me when you call so I don't want you to call me any more"... I was like WTF!
But wait there's more...
So then the MIL calls me and says "be sure you get on food stamps and welfare" - The woman has 2 million dollars in liquid assets and her help to her ONLY child when her daughter finds out her husband is terminal is to advise her to "be sure and get on public assistance"...
The rest is uglier and even more unbelievable...
It reminds me of something a friend of mine said once - "The shear number of people who have made me wish there was a hell for them to rot in has forced me to re-examine my atheist beliefs".
So after all that Vicky is back home and we get my diagnosis and she of course calls her mother in tears and on the second call her mother tells her "it upsets me when you call so I don't want you to call me any more"... I was like WTF!
But wait there's more...
So then the MIL calls me and says "be sure you get on food stamps and welfare" - The woman has 2 million dollars in liquid assets and her help to her ONLY child when her daughter finds out her husband is terminal is to advise her to "be sure and get on public assistance"...
The rest is uglier and even more unbelievable...
It reminds me of something a friend of mine said once - "The shear number of people who have made me wish there was a hell for them to rot in has forced me to re-examine my atheist beliefs".
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That's amazing, Brad, but totally believable. Something somewhat similar happened to me. When my mom was literally deathly ill, I suddenly moved my family totally across the USA to live next door to mom and feed her. We nursed her back up to good health. As a result of the sudden unemployment, my own family of four reached welfare status, defaulted on debts, lost our house, and got food at churches. Coincidentally, my wife died of ALS shortly thereafter. My mother, however, was in good health for the next few years.
When my mother died, I discovered she had a couple million stashed away. But she had pointedly decided not to put us in the Will, because she didn't like my "uppity" wife, who had the audacity to be a career woman.
Not complaining. Just b****ing.
Regarding all the stories I've seen here: ALS does weird things to families.
When my mother died, I discovered she had a couple million stashed away. But she had pointedly decided not to put us in the Will, because she didn't like my "uppity" wife, who had the audacity to be a career woman.
Not complaining. Just b****ing.
Regarding all the stories I've seen here: ALS does weird things to families.
gooseberry
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It is hard to believe family can be so horrid to each other. But as we have noted, there are many fine examples. Hopefully Paulette, Tim's son comes around....in a good way.
Green Queen
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Oh. Wow.
Brad that has to be a very big iceberg.
Mike...very very speechless.
Paulette if this thread has, in the long run, shown anything...it's not your fault. Whatever is going on with David is...sad...but I somehow get the feeling it's not really a fixable problem.
Regardless of who's there, I know you will make it an awesome Christmas...for Tim.
God bless, Janelle xxxx
Brad that has to be a very big iceberg.
Mike...very very speechless.
Paulette if this thread has, in the long run, shown anything...it's not your fault. Whatever is going on with David is...sad...but I somehow get the feeling it's not really a fixable problem.
Regardless of who's there, I know you will make it an awesome Christmas...for Tim.
God bless, Janelle xxxx
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There are some mind boggling stories on here. Family, what does it really mean? I told earlier about my mother who lives with us and his children who say they are coming to visit and don't show up. We are so lucky that his dad and brother are helping us. They live in the Northeast so Steve hasn't seen them in years and only talks to them on the phone on holidays. The brother is coming down to stay with us and his father have helped us financially. He has talked to them more in the past few months than he has in years. His father and him talked a long time on the phone and that has not happened in years. Steve was laughing. My daughter came through for us today from five hours away and dealt with the contractors. They were fired today which is six weeks after they started. Totally messed up our bathroom. My best friend/ sister came running to our side and also dealt with the contractors and helped me figure out what to do. I am happy to say that family has came through for us the past couple of months, Never thought I would type those words.
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I was finally getting use to the fact that his kids were not emotionally equipped to be of any help, except his youngest son who is just 16. It was the blatant disrespect that floored me, not only from my step-son but by my oldest son. My oldest son has been quite helpful up until about a year ago and then I started noticing that he was more and more angry with the world. When I say helpful I don't mean that he was here all the time but did fly to Texas with Tim and a friend so that they could drive Tim's truck and a few more belonging here. When they got back, Tim was unable to get up the stairs to the bedroom anymore, so my son piggy backed him up the two flights of stairs and helped me get him cleaned up and into bed. When he came over for special dinners he always helped and did the dishes afterward and Tim and I were very vocal about our appreciation of his help. I just don't know what has gotten into him, it is almost like how his father got when he had his mid-life crisis. My ex's personality changed so much that I questioned that he might have a brain tumour, but now I know that he was going into a depression. I am very close to calling my ex and talking with him about our son, as he did about 5 years ago when he was shunned by the same son. I just can't take any more rejection, and although my ex and I have a decent relationship, I have found his fiancee funny about things. She can't be jealous because I haven't spoken with him for about 2 years, and that was only after they came to see the house. My son's girlfriend is living with them while she is doing her first welding course, and I think I would be opening a whole other can of worms.
On a better note my youngest son and wife have been amazing, visiting every couple of months from 300 miles away. When they are here my DIL is like a working machine, and she keeps my son busy as well. Our last visit was probably the best visit that we ever had and I have to say I was close to tears when it was time for them to go. My DIL calls at least once a week and our relationship is getting closer and closer. The first couple of years of their marriage was quite difficult and last year I thought I was going to lose my relationship with my youngest son because of the behaviour of my DIL and her disrespect. But she ended up in the hospital with an emotional breakdown of sorts and was placed on an anti-depressant and the change is amazing. After that she called asking for my forgiveness and apologizing for her "temper tantrums." She has worked so hard on keeping things stable in her life and I have been able to encourage her to stay on her medication when she is getting flack from other family members. She had been abandoned by both of her parents as a child of 3 and has a tendency to run away from problems, but she has learned that this family does not give up that easily.
I pray that Tim's oldest can see that his behaviour is the reason that this split has happened, but it won't be easy with his wife and mother really pushing the wedge in when ever they can. Oh well it is what it is.
Paulette
On a better note my youngest son and wife have been amazing, visiting every couple of months from 300 miles away. When they are here my DIL is like a working machine, and she keeps my son busy as well. Our last visit was probably the best visit that we ever had and I have to say I was close to tears when it was time for them to go. My DIL calls at least once a week and our relationship is getting closer and closer. The first couple of years of their marriage was quite difficult and last year I thought I was going to lose my relationship with my youngest son because of the behaviour of my DIL and her disrespect. But she ended up in the hospital with an emotional breakdown of sorts and was placed on an anti-depressant and the change is amazing. After that she called asking for my forgiveness and apologizing for her "temper tantrums." She has worked so hard on keeping things stable in her life and I have been able to encourage her to stay on her medication when she is getting flack from other family members. She had been abandoned by both of her parents as a child of 3 and has a tendency to run away from problems, but she has learned that this family does not give up that easily.
I pray that Tim's oldest can see that his behaviour is the reason that this split has happened, but it won't be easy with his wife and mother really pushing the wedge in when ever they can. Oh well it is what it is.
Paulette
gooseberry
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Scaredwife you asked what family really is? It is those that have your back, the people you call in a crisis, who help without thought to what they might gain.it surely isn't all biological in our case. For us, its friends from my work, people Steve has known since a child that are in their 80s, golf buddies, childhood and college friends, and some blood relatives. Its the neighbor who has mowed our lawn all summer while the renovations have taken place, its the friend who was off work that I called Friday who picked up my son from school because he was sick.....its the people who matter to you in your life.
gooseberry
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Paulette it may be your son simply can't deal with the changes in Tim. It may be since he saw first hand how fast things can change he doesn't know how to process it. Has he asked about or have you guys talked about it? Does he truly understand als and what the progression can be like?
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