A blanket of snow - ALS and dying

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “The death of a dream?”

One small email changed the course of my life for now. Since my cookie shop closed seven months ago, I have been devoting myself to my photography. I have been scouring the internet for articles and videos to help me advance my skills. I have learned so much and have been applying that knowledge to my photography. I eat and breath photography pretty much 24/7.

That abruptly changed when Paul got an email stating that his consulting job basically will come to an end. He still has his regular job which pays the everyday bills, but we are in debt partly because of the cookie shop and need money to pay off those bills. We also invested in land that is basically worthless because the neighborhood went under. We are going to have to foreclose on the property, take our house off of the market, sell the lot we are going to build on, majorly change our eating out habits, but most life changing is me getting a job.

During the course of the seven months, I stared to see myself moving towards being a professional wildlife/nature photographer. I would love to travel the world taking pictures of lions in Africa to seals in the Artic. It was a dream I was focusing on which for now is no longer. The passion I have for photography will now be set to the side to hold a regular day job.

I have no idea what the Lord wants me to do for a job. I know it will all work out, but I cringe at the thought of doing something other than what I am passionate about.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Uncle Jim’s funeral (part I)”

My husband’s uncle Jim passed away in December. He was like an uncle to me. His doctor knew he had a limited time left to live because of his heart. The doctor said it could be a day, a week, or a year. They knew it was coming, but hoped it would be the latter.

I tried to remember all the things I have learned about death until now and apply them. The next morning when I found out he passed away, I thought it would be nice to bring Aunt June and Elizabeth, her daughter, breakfast. On the way back home from taking Ashton to school, I stopped by Chic-fil-A and got some breakfast for them.

When I arrived at their house, the door was locked. I did not want to wake them up, so I hung around outside. Her neighbor walked up, and we talked for a while. I went back to their door and saw Elizabeth in the kitchen. She thanked me for bringing breakfast.

I knew it would be important to do whatever Aunt June asked us to do. The first thing she wanted us to do was to finish decorating the Christmas tree. The night before their family was putting on the lights. Uncle Jim was tired and retreated to go to bed. When he went to his bedroom, he had a heart attack. I knew the task of decorating the tree was very meaningful to her as it was the last thing they were doing before he died.

I helped Elizabeth put the ornaments on the tree, and Elizabeth and Aunt June told me stories about special ornaments. There were boxes all in the living room, and I knew since people would be coming over she would want everything tidy. Evelyn also came over, and we finished decorating the tree and house and put the boxes up.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Uncle Jim’s funeral (part II)”

I did not want them to worry about lunch, so I told them I was taking care of lunch. They decided on a restaurant around the corner that served good home cooked meals. Elizabeth and I got several to go boxes, and we had a nice lunch.

I knew they would be getting a lot of food so I talked to Elizabeth and told her I would clean out the fridge. If anything was past the expiration date, I threw it out. There were several items that I did not know how old they were and Elizabeth would tell me whether or not to throw them out. I was later told when I get to Heaven, Uncle Jim would get on to me about throwing out perfectly good food (the ones that he would have thought were still good even though they had expired.)

As Aunt June was cleaning up, she was walking towards the closet with his jacket. I took it from her and hung it up. It was weird hanging up the coat he probably wore the day before. I thought to look in the pockets to see if there was anything in them. I found a receipt and handed it to her. I can’t remember exactly what it was, but it seemed like he was going to take the receipt and get something a store did not have in stock. Maybe it was a rain check. She put the receipt up and said she would get it for him.

I asked if there was anything else I could do. Elizabeth asked me if I would vacuum the house, so I did. I wanted to help as much as possible but did not want to be in their way. I felt they needed time to grieve and be by themselves too. That is a hard issue to figure out.

I noticed the day before that her back deck was covered in leaves. So, the next day I came over, I got the blower, blew off the deck, and straightened everything. I was just trying to think of things I could do to help.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Uncle Jim’s funeral (part III)”

Matt, Elizabeth’s husband came in town, and I went outside to talk to him. I wanted to tell him the difficult time ahead of figuring out what to say or not say to Elizabeth. I remember just bottling up all my emotions from my family and releasing those emotions by crying in my bed at night. As we were talking, he got choked up and told me how much it meant to him that I was there for Elizabeth; at the time he was out of town. I told him it was a privilege for me to be there and minister to everyone!

Claudia, a cousin, came over and mentioned she wanted to see Uncle Jim at the funeral home; she wanted to say her goodbyes. He was going to be cremated and there was not going to be a viewing. Elizabeth and I also wanted to go. Aunt June and Kimberly did not want to go and Elizabeth explained to her mom that it was important for people to be able to see him if they wanted to.

We decided to see him the next morning before the family met with the funeral home to go over the plans for the funeral. Elizabeth, Claudia, I, and two family friends (Missy and Ashlee) came. It was very informal; Elizabeth told the funeral home that he did not need to be in a casket. They told us before we went into see him that he was laying on a table with a sheet up to his chest. They did not want us to be surprised.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Uncle Jim’s funeral (part IV)”

I asked Elizabeth if she wanted me to be there when they talked to the funeral home, and she said yes. All the details were all discussed, and Evelyn brought a list that Tom wrote down of things to put in the obituary. The family decided to do the burial themselves having an informal meeting of family and close friends. Tom was going to dig a small hole for the urn the day before. There would be a memorial service at the church after the burial and money to their church would be given in lieu of flowers.

The funeral home did a very thorough job, and it was nicely and discreetly done. I thought of one thing that was not discussed which was getting the flowers transported to the burial. They said they would do that. When I started thinking about it, there would not be any flowers there because there would only be a small group at the burial; it was early in the morning before the memorial service was held.

I was torn whether to do flowers or donate money to his church as they desired. Kimberly mentioned about having all white flowers, but that could not be done as there was not a place to put their wish on the website as people ordered. So, I decided to get a nice arrangement of white flowers and take them to the burial before anyone got there. I thought about how nice it would be for the family to see flowers when they arrived. Evelyn had everyone over to eat the night before the funeral, and I took the flowers over there for everyone to enjoy.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Uncle Jim’s funeral (part V)”

We got to the burial site early, and I was very glad to get there early because there was a black tarp over the hole and bricks holding the tarp down. Lauren mentioned how we were there first. I told her I wanted it that way so I could put the flowers out before they got there. I rushed out to get the tarp and bricks up and place the flowers at the burial site. When the family arrived, someone came up to me and mentioned about getting the urn out of the car. I got it out then did not know whether to put it in the hole or sit it at the top of the hole. What would they want me to do? I came back and asked Kimberly, but she had not thought about it either. I placed the urn in the hole and would get it out if Aunt June wanted me to. Kimberly had a wreath made of magnolia leaves and placed it by the hole.

***What small details can you think of to help the grieving family?

The service was simple but just what Uncle Jim would have wanted. Their family loved to sing, so of course we sang! Each person was given a chance to toss dirt in the hole or use the shovel to cover the urn. Their grandson Simon helped in filling the hole too. After the service, we went into the fellowship hall of the church where they had coffee and hot chocolate because it was a cold day.

Kimberly mentioned everyone wasn’t crying. I told her I was trying to be strong for them. She told me she was crying a lot. I told her that was okay for her to feel that way and for her to express her emotions.

We then went to Aunt Polly’s house. It was the house Uncle Jim’s sister lived in a long time ago. It has a huge magnolia tree in the front yard and everyone has fond memories of visiting Aunt Polly and climbing in her tree when they were younger. “Kids” young and old climbed the tree that day and since no one was currently renting the house, the owners let everyone visit inside the house. I took pictures of everyone in the tree.

The members of the church fixed a wonderful meal for the family before the memorial service. The service was special as it was a celebration of Uncle Jim’s life. Music was abundant and there was even a time for people to stand and share a story about him. After the service, a reception was shared in the fellowship hall with a video showing photos of Jim and also a video clip of him singing in a quartet.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “The things I learned from Dad”

I sat down with Dad and Claudia to try to glean any more valuable information I could pass on to you. I knew it would not be easy for Dad to talk about these issues, but knew I should.

He stressed you should not put something off whether it be discussions, decisions, or major things.

Don’t put faith in the doctor’s time frame. They just don’t know. God is the only one who truly knows. Mom died twelve days after she got her feeding tube.

He mentioned calling the social security office to claim a disability especially with Mom having ALS. It took two to three months to get her first check. She only got one disability check even though she could not work for a long time. From her diagnosis to her death it was only about nine months. You can look it up on the web and search under social security disability.

He got information from the ALS Association of Georgia concerning resources and information.

He got a power of attorney because Mom couldn’t sign her name. His financial advisor suggested they get joint accounts because it makes it much easier.

If there are investments, you need to put on it a POD (Payable On Death). A POD is basically any account, investment, etc. when you die it is given to a specified person. You don’t want to go through a trustee, or a banker to disburse money.

**What have you learned from reading this book?** You don't have to answer this question. It is a question I ask in my book to my readers. Feel free though to answer the question on the forum if you would like to

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Comments from Dad”

“Brenda was so helpful. She was an angel. She made things so much easier. Elaine was so comfortable around her. She looked after her so well.”

“Elaine was happy until the day she died. We thought she was going to last a long, long time. She started feeling a lot better with the feeding tube. She went down so fast; we did not have a clue. We were planning on things months down the road.”

“She was worried about the girls (my sisters and I) for a long time, getting the things all sorted out. I was just doing what she wanted to do.”

“She wanted to die at the Hospice place. (They would take her over there as things got worse.) If she would have known she was dying, she would have said something. She did not want to put a stigma on the house; this is where she died. She is buried out yonder, because she did not want us to visit her grave all the time.”

"I wish she would have had a dog. I think it would have been very comforting to her to have a dog.” He commented that he thought people with a terminal illness should have a dog because they would be comforted by it.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Dad the caregiver”

I asked Dad what were some of the special things he did for Mom while she was sick. These are the things he told me:

She enjoyed going in her wheelchair to the Coast Guard Station at the beach and sitting on the end of the wooden ramp. She enjoyed watching the tide come in and out.

Mom enjoyed eating breakfast in a restaurant at the pier. She would sneak biscuits out of the restaurant to feed the seagulls while in her wheelchair.

Mom liked to go to the grocery store because she liked to see her friends there. It was a social gathering.

She enjoyed sitting on the back patio while watching the bird feeder and listening to the chimes.

They drove near the base of one of the bridges and sat in the car out at the pilot boat dock so she could look out. It is beautiful there. Pelicans and seagulls sit on top of the old wooden pylons, and the sun sets behind the pylons.

On one of the last trips to the Mayo Clinic, instead of taking I-95 back home, they took A1A up the Coastal Highway. They also rode on the car ferry. They went to Fernandina and ate at Spanky’s Restaurant on the water on the marsh side. They sat on the deck for a long time.

She loved watching the squirrels eat the sunflower seeds he placed on the window seal by her bed.

***What can you do for your loved one that they can no longer do?***

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “The final chapter?”

I have cried a lot as I have edited this book because as I re-read, it brings back so many hard times. There are so many events which will forever be etched on my mind. Mom’s final breaths and her final moments are etched on my mind as they just happened yesterday. The moments I prayed over her as she slept and prayed for her to be healed are also still vivid. The comments she said to me like, “Breathe for me,” get played over in my mind. I can’t look back yet to reflect on the good times, the good moments. It is as though they have temporarily vanished. Only time will continue to heal.

The one thing that is forever etched on my mind as well is my favorite verse, NLT, Romans 8.28. “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” It helps me through the hard times because God is still in control and loves us very much.

Before I read the devotion that spoke about me being, “Only one little insignificant person in this great big world,” I commented to my sisters and friends that I was just a p.e. teacher. Writing a book is “out of the box” for me. Then I remember the quote again from the January 8th, devotion, “Don’t ponder over the what-ifs or whys, neither question your abilities.”

In the book, Can One Person Make A Difference? it states, “When God uses individuals, He doesn’t leave them alone to perform their difficult tasks. He’s the strength in their arms and the voice on their lips. If God is in it, anything is possible!” This is where Satan wants to jump in and convince me I can’t do anything. He would love nothing more than for me to listen and for me to not do the will of God. My God is greater.

As I wrote earlier, I felt honored the Lord chose me to do this work, and in the last devotion it stated, “What do You see in me that I could be used to serve You, Lord? I feel honored that You called me.”

In the last couple of days, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The hardest part of finishing this book, especially the tedious work of editing, is almost done, and I have begun to get excited. I am excited what the Lord will do with this book. I read a confirmation of those feelings last night in the devotional. “How exciting it will be in this venture as I obey Your call and see great things happen in Your name!”

***WHAT IS YOUR STORY OF HIS GLORY?***

***CAN YOU WALK BY FAITH?*** 

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Afterword (part I)”

The true intent of the publishing of this book only God will know. I have felt bombarded through sermons lately as though Jesus was speaking to me personally about publishing this book. One of the last sermons I heard spoke of Simon Peter and how Jesus got in Simon Peter’s boat then pushed the boat into the water. Jesus told Peter to let down his nets after he fished all night and did not catch any fish. Peter responded, “But because you say so, I will…...” (NIV, Luke 5.5). He cast his nets, and they were so full of fish, the nets started to tear. Another boat came to help, but the nets were so full, the boats started to sink. This book was written because I am being obedient to what I feel the Lord wants me to do. “Because you say so Lord, I will.” God has accomplished His will in ways I will never know through this book.

I wrote this book because I felt the Lord’s prompting to do so. It was not the Lord’s will that He physically heal Mom. So, here I was with my journal and I did not know what I was supposed to do with it. I asked my Sunday school class, the faculty, staff, and students at my school to begin to pray for the Lord’s wisdom in His prompting me to write this book. The answer has been clear to me within the last week. Walk by Faith: Tackling the Tough Questions Concerning Death was written for His glory and to bring others to know Jesus as their personal Lord and Savior. The book will also minister to people going through the death of a loved one or having a loved one or friend with a terminal illness.

I have tried not to “mask” certain issues, so you could see the “whole picture.” If I would have “masked” the book, I don’t feel you would have gleaned enough useful information. I have omitted certain comments said by family members in order to try and not upset them. I did not want to step on anyone’s toes. Also, I have tried to be careful what information I thought should be included and took out information I thought was not necessary.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Afterword (part II)”

I have very few regrets. A regret I have is I did not get to tell Mom everything I wanted to tell her. Nana has also cried as I was talking with her because she did not get to tell her everything as well. Because Mom did not want to talk about her feelings, I did not get to tell her how much I loved her and tell her how she has been an awesome mom.

Jennifer sent Mom a card a few days before she died. The card got to Mom’s house a few days after Mom passed away, so she never got the chance to read it.

In the card, Jennifer told Mom that she was the best mom and in her constant thoughts. She also told Mom she was an awesome example seen by others. Jennifer wrote about a friend that told her our family has always been an inspiration to her with Mom leading the pack.

Jennifer told Mom she was so very thankful for her and wanted to tell her again. These were thoughts written down that were important for her to be able to tell Mom.

She said the last time she talked to Mom on the phone it was real hard for Mom to talk. Mom was dehydrated and struggled to talk, so it was awkward because Jennifer had to carry the conversation. She did not get to tell her all the things she wanted to, nor did she at the last visit to Mom’s house. It was so difficult with Jennifer having to stay up with Mom most of the night.

***If you have a family member, friend, or a loved one that is dying, if you can, can you tell them all the wonderful things you want to tell them?***
***If you are terminally ill or dying, if you can, would you let your family members tell you all the wonderful things they need to?***

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Afterword (part III)”

Another thing I regret is that when times were real hard, like the night I described under, “This night,” I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world now because as hard as the night was, at least she was still alive. At least, she was still there with me. As hard as times are, lean on God for your strength, and ask Him to help you through and give you peace. Cherish the moments, as hard as they are, while your loved one is still with you.

If you are reading this book because you have a loved one or friend that is terminally ill or a loved one that is dying, I grieve for you. I got teary eyed even writing that sentence. I know what you are going through is hard, and I don’t have the answers, we have only trod down the same path. The one person that does have all the answers is Jesus. Be comforted by God’s words from (NLT, Philippians 4.13), “I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” (NLT, Deuteronomy 31.8) states, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Tonight, I feel like Mary, Jesus’ mother because I am experiencing the same feeling I think Mary went through. Why did God choose me? I am just an ordinary girl. Can I do what You want me to accomplish? How will I get it done? What will people think?

Then I feel honored. Honored is not a strong enough word to describe the feeling I had tonight. What an indescribable feeling that I have never had before. I am just in awe of how God would choose me to accomplish such a great task.

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “Afterword (part IV)”

Mom loved Jesus with all of her heart. In talking with Aunt Julie, she said our Christian legacy goes back a long way. Our family legacy won’t get us into Heaven. It has to be each person making a personal decision to ask Jesus into their heart as personal Lord and Savior.

(NLT, Matthew 7.24) “Anyone who listens to my teaching and obeys me is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rain comes in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse, because it is built on rock. But anyone who hears my teaching and ignores it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will fall with a mighty crash.”

We are that house. Christ needs to be our foundation because the winds are going to blow and beat upon our house. Life is tough, therefore we need Christ as our Lord and Savior, so when the storms of life come (like death) we will stand firm.

***WILL YOU WALK BY FAITH?***

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn

 

[judyroyalglenn]

In this thread: “For Now…”

For now, this is my last post until I go through another death. I have enjoyed writing everything down as this is what I felt the Lord wanted me to do. Thank you for following along. Hopefully, you have benefited and what you have read will help you in the future ~Judy

Blessings!

Judy Royal Glenn