DreamsEnd
Distinguished member
- Joined
- Jan 24, 2014
- Messages
- 449
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 01/2014
- Country
- US
- State
- AZ
- City
- Cottonwood
I cried a little the day he was DX'd and last week at Arlington National Cemetery as he was so beautifully interned. That's it but I'm surprised at the anger I feel over little and big things. I'd been mostly numb, doing paperwork only enough to deal with "must dos" but mostly just trying to keep my head above water, sleeping, avoiding and then sicker than a dog for the past month. Until two days before my flight I wasn't sure I'd be able to go. I was still coughing 24/7 and very short of breath in spite of 2 ER visits and 3 more to my primary. Walking to gates was hard as I had to stop and catch my breath but I made it.
The Navy did him proud and it was a warm, tender honor. His children and many grands, siblings and friends attended.
I was angry at the obese woman in the seat next to me on the plane. I'm angry at my three adult sons. I asked them to attend and said I'd pay all expenses but one had spring break plans with his family in Phoenix, one had to work, have no idea about the third. I feel selfish as they buried their own father just 6 months ago so I'm guessing it is fresh for them. But my PALs was their good friend and step father and my love.
I've always been the strong, supportive one who mostly raised my guys and their severely disabled sister by myself. I've been the "I understand, it's ok" one but not now. I am ignoring their calls and texts. Normally one cals maybe once a month, one weekly and the other maybe returns a call 3 times a year. They all knew, mostly after the fact, how sick I was. I've lived in AZ for 8 years and I've/we've traveled to visit them often. One has been here twice for one night only. One would come for one day after a week long fun plans in Phoenix. The third would add on a day with business trips to see me but has never brought his family although he's a million miler. I know they have families which is why I've gone to them but their choices have been trips to Italy, DisneyLand and DisneyWorld, Hawaii, cruises, etc. that is their priority.
I think the service at Arlington opened me up and now I'll start the grieving. I have a counselor appointment next week.
I know I sound bratty & self centered but I can unload here.
Sherry
The Navy did him proud and it was a warm, tender honor. His children and many grands, siblings and friends attended.
I was angry at the obese woman in the seat next to me on the plane. I'm angry at my three adult sons. I asked them to attend and said I'd pay all expenses but one had spring break plans with his family in Phoenix, one had to work, have no idea about the third. I feel selfish as they buried their own father just 6 months ago so I'm guessing it is fresh for them. But my PALs was their good friend and step father and my love.
I've always been the strong, supportive one who mostly raised my guys and their severely disabled sister by myself. I've been the "I understand, it's ok" one but not now. I am ignoring their calls and texts. Normally one cals maybe once a month, one weekly and the other maybe returns a call 3 times a year. They all knew, mostly after the fact, how sick I was. I've lived in AZ for 8 years and I've/we've traveled to visit them often. One has been here twice for one night only. One would come for one day after a week long fun plans in Phoenix. The third would add on a day with business trips to see me but has never brought his family although he's a million miler. I know they have families which is why I've gone to them but their choices have been trips to Italy, DisneyLand and DisneyWorld, Hawaii, cruises, etc. that is their priority.
I think the service at Arlington opened me up and now I'll start the grieving. I have a counselor appointment next week.
I know I sound bratty & self centered but I can unload here.
Sherry