Pity... Party for one, your table's ready...

[LizT]

WARNING- THIS MAY COME OFF AS SUPER WHINEY

I am so completely overwhelmed right now that I want to just thrash something and then curl up and die. I dont understand why when it rains, it pours. Some folks say that God never gives you more than you can handle-wel im really starting to doubt that. Even if it is true, does it mean that He has to throw a million things in my direction all at one time, over and over again?
I dont really even know where to start...

My 29 y/o step- sister was recently diagnosed with cervical cancer. She has decided not to tell anyone in the family, except for me. She made me promise i wouldnt tell anyone. So not only do I carry the weight of my sister having cancer, Im not allowed to discuss it with anyone. And she is refusing treatment... a whole other story.

My best friend, who is 24, just found out that she has cancer- again. 3rd time. She had a very small spot in 07, chemo took care of it. Had some more last summer, and chemo took care of that as well. Now its back, and she too is refusing treatment. I also cant talk to her about any of it, because she likes to keep alot of her health issues to herself. More like she is pretending its just not really happening.

And, of course, the love of my life has the wonderful ALS beast.

I just cant do this anymore. it seems like everyone around me is going to be dieing off soon. why even have relationships with people if all theyre going to do is die?
I understand this is life- but my sis and my best friend are in their 20's. And Ive got nowhere to put all this pain. everything is a damn secret. why did i have to be told then?

And now i feel guilty for even complaining. I should be thinking of them and what they are going thru, not how i feel about it. its must be alot harder living it than just knowing someone who is ill. but the thing is- if all these really special people are going to leave me shortly, then what is the point of living myself?

Im sorry you guys. i have had such a horrible day today and i had to get this off of my chest. its all really starting to kill me. sometimes i wish it would.

 

[abbas child]

Liz, I'm so very sorry. I wish you could go and whack something (nothing living, of course) and get some of this anger out. It does sound really hard. In fact, when you feel up to it, I'd suggest the Christian thread. People say "that God never gives you more than you can handle" is a weird thing, Liz. People do indeed say it, but it isn't in the Bible. In fact, we are given more than we can handle, and the Lord wants us to let Him bear the burden.

Again, I can feel your distress and am so sorry. I'm sending you a big hug, and as you're in WI, a mug of hot chocolate.
Love,
Ann

 

[joelc]

I am so sorry for what you are experiencing lately. I wish I had words of comfort for you but all I can say is we are here for you! Hang in there, I pray it will get better.

 

[joelc]

Ann, actually it is in the Bible.

1CO 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.

The key here is there is always an out if it becomes too much.

 

[Al]

Hi Liz. Sorry the way things are going for you. God can be an as-hole sometimes and he has a warped sense of humor. I was raised Catholic but I'm not a fanatic as you might be able to tell. You should call the people that have shared their secrets with you and tell them that they should start telling because you are stressed and just might blurt out the news. You're under enough stress already and they're jerks for unloading on you and swearing you to secrecy. If you lose them as "friends" well, so be it. You're still the better person.

AL

 

[Al]

By the way Liz. Get a 2x4 or any piece of wood. Get some 3 inch nails. Hammer the nails until your anger and frustration are gone. Very theraputic.

AL

 

[abbas child]

Joel, thank you. I stand (sit) corrected. Is the "way of escape" universal, I wonder.

Al, great advice regarding telling her friends that if they don't tell, she's going to crack.

 

[Sequoia]

O liz, I wrap my arms around you and hold you with unconditional love! Hey, its ok to be human! Getting really mad at God only means that you have a real realtionship with him. The older i get, the less I understand about how God "works". There are all kinds of theory but i think none of really know. Suffering is a mystery and anyone who has a simple answer for it, hasn't suffered themselves. My Sister, is going thru what you are going thru, as it sinks in that she wont always have me to turn to. We are as close as you can get without sharing one body! But I have a different view then most. Im not so sure God is arranging every little detail in our lives, but rather He knows every little detail, "every hair on our heads". The Gospel can be summarized from this shorest scripture: "God is love" Well if God is love than He wouldnt let awful things happen: like ALS, or rape, or destitute poverty. Love is kind, love is gentle...My own experiences tell me, usually when I look back on them, that God gives me what I need to get thru..like this Forum Family. You are not alone. We are here for you. Your pain is our pain, and we want to hear about it. I have taken a plastic baseball bat( wooden one shattered me and hurt!) and wacked at trees in the deep forrest, yelling at God. And when i am all thru and colaspe into a heap of tears, I feel God's arms wrap around me. God can't take the suffering away or the pain, but he gives us one another to hold on to, so we can experience his love for us thru others. You have me as a sister, any time, and I will love your anger and your pain, and let my heart break along with yours.
I hold you in prayer!
Sequoia

 

[Pat Paine]

Dear Liz,
You must be a very special and kind person
to get to hear these secrets,sounds like your trustworthy too.
Who else in your life could carry some of the load? You may need to tell
your friends and family that your hands and heart are overfull right now.
That you have all the sadness you can bear. Sending you prayers.
Venting here is good. Pat

 

[LizT]

Thank you so much you guys. Like I said, its all so overwhelming and I feel like i might explode. Ive never been good about finding appropriate ways to let it all out. Have to admit, I really like the nail in the 2x4 idea! Even hitting trees with a bat (though i might feel bad afterward, since i have a deep love for trees). Pat, you said it just right- I am overfull right now and have been for a long time. Everything bad hurts me, it always has. Even with complete strangers, my heart will break for them like it was my own family. Some say that is a good thing- but let me tell you, it is not. Not when you dont know how to turn it off. Or maybe you know how to turn it off, but feel guilty when you do.
Being screwed up sucks. I really appreciate all of you so very much and i honestly dont know what i would do without you. I try my hardest everyday to do good for others, but it almost always goes unnoticed. after awhile, it wears on a person. i must be surrounded by a-holes. But not you guys. You guys are the greatest support group ever and I wouldnt trade in even one of ya.

 

[glfredrick]

Liz,

I don't think that God hates you, or that God is testing you, or even that God is giving you more than you can bear, for what I and millions of other humans have discovered down through the ages is that we humans can bear a whole lot...

As a pastor, who's son has just been diagnosed with what is potentially PLS, I know that we can have some things laid on our plate that we certainly would never ask for, but perhaps that will grow our faith as we watch God work through the problems in ways we might never expect.

I also know that, in this world, we may never see the relief or healing that we desire, but if we are mentioning our issues in the same sentence as the name of God, then we also have to realize that God is not of this world, and that our "perfect cure" may not be realized until we pass from this world of "pre-life" into the new world of true life to come.

That doesn't sound like that great a prospect to a good many people, but there is a lot to that life to come that makes a lot of us wish to get there. For instance, the picture of a perfect garden, where we work without pain and without the curse of sin, is the very same picture that God paints of the world to come. He originally desired for His creation, including we humans, a place were all was "very good" and where loving relationships never hurt -- a place where we could love each other and love God with reckless abandon! I believe that one of the messages of the Bible is that God will not be thwarted in His ultimate plan to give us that sort of perfect world, and much more! The Bible speaks of a place where there are animals, children, love, relationships, trees, roads, commerce, travel, kings, cities -- virtually all the things that we have in this "pre-life" but without pain, suffering, tears, or difficulties. We won't have time to be bored, nor will we just sit around on a cloud playing a harp -- heavens no! God has SO much more in store for us than that!

It is knowing that this is God's plan that helps us to march forward, knowing that whatever gets laid on our plates today is worth the effort to see that sort of tomorrow.

I'll be lifting you up in prayer and don't hesitate to ask questions. Hopefully, I've not violated any forum rules by sharing this message of hope. That is not my intention.

Blessings all!

 

[Kirk]

Liz - my heart goes out to you. I read a great book that has helped me in this area: "Plan B - what do you do when God doesn't show up the way you thought He would?" by Pete Wilson. oh and chunking a bunch of glass stuff against a wall is kinda fun too...but too many dangers there...so just stick with the 2x4 and nails or plastic bat

 

[TedH5]

Liz I am so sorry that you have so much going on. It is certainly a lot for a team of people to handle let alone one person. Please do not try to bear this entire burden yourself. As many people have mentioned it is not fair to have to carry the weight of secrets and your sister is going to need help from people besides you. Sometimes you must do what you know is right even if it makes someone upset with you. I am glad that you feel comfortable enough to come to this forum for comfort and advice.