Barbie
Extremely helpful member
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2007
- Messages
- 2,684
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 01/2007
- Country
- US
- State
- FL
- City
- orlando
Well, hard to believe it is almost 5 months since my sweet husband died. I still hate ALS just as much. don't really think about it too much though...don't really want to. I hate to look at pictures of him from the last few months of his life. I can't believe that I didn't see (at the time) how frail and weak he was. I was immune to his physical suffering I guess because it had gone on so long. I think of him everyday with love in my heart and say out loud that I love him at least a couple of times each day. I would love to hear it back... I feel a deep sadness about everything and not really a sharp pain from grief. that is a little disconcerting. Over all I am happy and my children are happy. Our family is starting to thrive again as a unit. we are stronger. he isn't gone from our family--he is like a huge beam holding us up together.
I was able to get off anti depressants. I took my time and eased off over two months. I was open to continuing them if needed but did fine. Christmas day was tougher than I thought it would be. I lied to my family and told them I was going with several different family members to celebrate and instead I stayed home. didn't plan this in advance--but started getting emotional in the morning and knew that I could not be with anyone. It was lovely--I sat at home and looked at pictures and read the sympathy cards from the funeral, watched the video and bawled my eyes out for about 4 hours until my head was splitting. then I got up, cleaned my house from top to bottom and felt a lot better.
I felt my husband's presence a couple of weeks ago. I was not thinking of him or doing anything--just waiting for a friend to finish getting ready to go out. I was standing in a doorway just mindlessly and suddenly I felt like a warm blanket was wrapped around me for several seconds. I sensed Lonny so strongly it brought tears to my eyes. I was so happy.
I laugh a lot. I have fun a lot. I feel secure that he is with me forever and that is what he wants. I realize my grief is different that other people's grief, but I am learning that that is ok--we all walk thru this in our own unique way.
I hope that for all of you out there reading this, you feel peace like I do. don't be afraid of your journey thru grief--you have already faced hell on earth.
xxoo
I was able to get off anti depressants. I took my time and eased off over two months. I was open to continuing them if needed but did fine. Christmas day was tougher than I thought it would be. I lied to my family and told them I was going with several different family members to celebrate and instead I stayed home. didn't plan this in advance--but started getting emotional in the morning and knew that I could not be with anyone. It was lovely--I sat at home and looked at pictures and read the sympathy cards from the funeral, watched the video and bawled my eyes out for about 4 hours until my head was splitting. then I got up, cleaned my house from top to bottom and felt a lot better.
I felt my husband's presence a couple of weeks ago. I was not thinking of him or doing anything--just waiting for a friend to finish getting ready to go out. I was standing in a doorway just mindlessly and suddenly I felt like a warm blanket was wrapped around me for several seconds. I sensed Lonny so strongly it brought tears to my eyes. I was so happy.
I laugh a lot. I have fun a lot. I feel secure that he is with me forever and that is what he wants. I realize my grief is different that other people's grief, but I am learning that that is ok--we all walk thru this in our own unique way.
I hope that for all of you out there reading this, you feel peace like I do. don't be afraid of your journey thru grief--you have already faced hell on earth.
xxoo
