How Does Time Seem To Go On, When My World Is Gone?

[Jason's Dream]

Hard to fathom I have existed a moment without you, doesn't even seem possible you have been gone 6 months (ago today). Seems like only yesterday, I snuggled in your arms, I touched your precious face, I saw your beauitful eyes, I heard your sweet voice and infectious laughter, I held your hand, and kissed your lips as you took your last breath... How can someone seem to go on, when thier world ended, like mine did, the night you died? I miss you terribly, my Darling... will always love you.... and will forever hold you in my heart. ♥

I so hate this horrible disease. Life doesn't seem fair when bas(#@&^ live long lives, see thier children grow up, get married, and have children of thier own, and watch thier children grow up.... horrible fathers seeming to suck the life out of everything.... when my Sweetheart was an amazing Dadda, who:

~ barely got 1 year with his daughter, who he will never be able to watch her take her first steps, go to her first day to school, experience her first crush, .... sit in the living room late at night waiting for her to come home from her first date.. her first prom.... walking her down the aisle.... embracing a new life... never knowing what career she will choose in life.. her favorite color.. her favorite food... her hobbies... her wants and desires... being there at the birth of his first grandchild....

~ Barely got 3 years with his son, the son that was his main reason for living .. his lifetime goal.. to be the father he never had, and here he never got to be either... to die knowing that he will not be there for his son, like his own father wasn't there for him... not getting his desire to watch him go to his first day of kindergarten.. never being able to play catch and watch him play little league, toss a football around.. shoot hoops with his son... never being able to teach him how to be the great man and gentleman that Jason was.. never help him buy and fix up his first car...watch him marry his sweetheart like his father did several years ago... watching his son become what his father dreamed about his whole life... a Dadda.. and be able to be an amazing grandpa, like he was a Dadda in just those few short years...

I hate:

That my children will never have any memories of thier amazing Dadda, and could possibly end up hating the person that loved them the most, because he "left" them...

That this disease was what took him. That he painfully was aware and knew every single thing he was losing, both physically, and futuristically, and was trapped in that body, without hardly a voice to scream or lash out at this beast.

I miss him soo incredibly much, my Love!

 

[Pandora]

I feel your pain becca! I cry for us. I cry for everything we lost, I cry all the time. Just know your not alone in the pain, I feel it too, every day, every moment, ....