Life is funny...

[LizT]

Today marks the one month anniversary of Ray's death. I dont quite understand how its been this long, but the calendar doesnt lie.
I just had a really great weekend. I got away with a good friend and had some genuine fun. I had a good day today, but, just like that, now Im not.
What triggered it? Trying to support another young CALS who lost her husband recently. Something as simple as giving a few examples of how I truly understood what she was going through. Just like that... it all came rushing back to me. I get flashbacks of what happened the weekend he died. I can be in the middle of a conversation with someone, and out of the blue, I can see him lying in his caskett. This will haunt me for the rest of my days. And judging by the way its going, it will hit me when I least expect it.
One month ago today, the world as I knew it- ended. One month ago today, the love of my life lost his life. One month ago today, I lost my future.
I still dont know how its possible for me to be alive when clearly my heart has been dead for a month.

 

[Jason's Dream]

Even at almost 6 months, its still like that for me as well hon. As much as I would like a break from it... it haunts me every waking minute. I wish I could say it gets better with time, but for me, it hasn't. *hugs* my dear friend. I am so sorry you are hurting, and have lost your love to this beast. <3

 

[judyroyalglenn]

Sorry for the loss of your husbands and your grief! The death of our loved ones is tough. I lost my mom to ALS which is NOT like a husband I know. Liz, it may seem like you have lost your future, but it is waiting there for you when you are ready to find it. We were put on this earth for a reason, it is up to us to find and embrace it ~Judy

 

[tammyg]

I feel ya LIZ, my dad will be gone 3 years, June 15 at 1:35 am. It never goes away....Things trigger me all the time. I will never forget. My dad passed the on Monday early am, father's day was the following Sunday , a week later was my brithday (only child, dad alway's made it real special, now just another day) SOmetimes I think we may be lucky because we kinda know the time line and we are going to lose them, then on the other hand I don't think people realize how lucky they are to have a loved one pass in their sleep or an old fashioned heart attack....I just got to remember that he is no longer suffering or in pain.Everytime I hear a Raskell Flatts song, everytime I hear "Cowgirls Don't Cry" I cry.
Downtown Southern Man. I used to worl Banquets and every frickin wedding had to play Daddy's Little Gril, I would have to disappear for awahile...Going through My dad's stuff, he kept every father's day card, birthday card, postcard, ect that I ever gave him my whole life, I didn't know it til he passed. Blew me away, I didn't know how much I meant to him really, til it was toooooooo late...I miss My dad...Right now so fresh for you the pain in bigger then you, everyday the pain gets a tiny bit smaller and you get a little big stronger, it don't ever go away but tolerable. Just keep in mind he is no longer suffering, it helps. LOve you girl hang in there

 

[lesawithan"e"]

Hi Liz - I rarely ever post on here - acutally this might be my first real post, but I truly feel for you. Yesterday marked the four year sad-iversary of my sweet husband's death from ALS. He was a wonderful husband and father and I think about him every day - He was on my mind all day yesterday, but not in a sad way, and I was glad. I'm glad that you were able to have some fun with friends, no matter how short of a time it was. For your sanity, you need to do that alot - it reminds us that we're still here and that we have to keep going and living - even if we only have a short reprieve from grieving and then fall right back into it. My first year after losing Kenny was all about finding me again (for 6 1/2 years I was his caregiver) and reliving the last couple of years of his life and his death.

Hang in there dear Liz, time does lessen the bad/hard memories and lets the good ones shine through much more often. You'll see.

 

[Miss]

I'm learning that I will never get over it, I'll just get through it.

 

[Ms. Pie]

I'm so sorry Babe.

 

[brooksea]

Liz, it tears you up inside and you never know when it will hit you. It is a normal part of grieving to react the way you have. I think because there are so many variables involved with keeping a pALS alive, that we always wonder the "what if." I know I stay awake at night thinking about all the what ifs and that he might have lived longer if I had done something differently. If I do sleep, I have nightmares. I also think about what if he were still alive....... It is only natural that you would break down in talking with another cALS about the loss of your loved ones.

Anyway, glad you could do something with friends. That is really a good thing, keeping yourself busy with uplifting activities. (Ha! I give great advice and don't follow it myself half the time!)

 

[vzandt]

I lost my Dad six years ago on Mothers Day. A smell....a song.....a memory. They still make me cry. But now I can also smile at a smell.. a song..or a memory. I will always miss him. I will always love him. He can still make me smile.

 

[cervus]

None of us have a choice but to live through this pain and grief and loneliness. Such loss. But it's good to hear from you Lesa. It's good to hear the pain lessens and that perhaps we can learn to smile more when we think of our loved ones and not cry. I've mentioned this somewhere before. A good friend of ours died suddenly in a horse riding mishap just over six years ago. We have a good circle of friends of which she and I are a part of. She tells me that she misses her husband everyday and we get so teary eyed and more but she said the pain lessens and that you learn to "feel" again. I'm waiting and it's been 37 weeks today. I miss Bob more everyday. It gets harder all the time. I'm trying to do all the things that I can to get through each day but nothing means anything. Nothing is fulfilling in anyway. Yasmin.