Sigh, I need to vent a little...
Some days, ok most days, this consumes me. I cant get it out of my head, its all I think about, and despite my efforts it is all I talk about too. I know how annoying this can be, when someone does that, but no matter how hard I try it still happens. I feel guilty because of how much it consumes me. It is like being afflicted with ALS is becoming my identity, and that is not who I am nor who I want to be, I want to just be me and enjoy what time I do have left with my friends and family. But my mind won't let me. I feel that if I continue down this path, I will just push everyone away. I can tell by the looks I get from my wife it is wearing on her badly. I do not know what to do, I just feel lost right now. When I talk about it, it is not really feeling sorry for myself, it is more about the frustration with trying to do things... but I talk about it constantly, and honestly I am tired of hearing myself talk about it too, but I cannot stop.
Sorry I am rambling but I gotta get this out.
I want to be the same strong person for my family I have always been, but right now I am failing miserably! Which then turns some of the frustration into anger. luckily I am able to keep the anger internal so others do not see that part. I just wish I could do the same with the rest. I guess I just have more practice holding anger in, as I have done that my whole life. I have never been one that was able to show emotion very well, but apparently I am not equipped to handle this. Well at least I got you guys to vent to, I do not want to burden my wife, family or friends anymore than I already do.