Personal space

[ShiftKicker]

I ran into something the other day that made me think a little and I'm wondering what others' experiences have been.

I was at an appointment with the ALS clinic physio to try to sort out some form of exercise that helps spasticity without causing my muscles to go haywire. So far, I have yet to find any solution. But that's another matter entirely.

While I was there, and we were speaking about stretching, etc, she just reached out and grabbed my leg to, well, I have no idea why- but I startled. I startled to the point where I flailed and did my Steve Martin impression. I was not hanging on to anything, but managed to catch myself against a wall. She just kept going and grabbed my leg again. I didn't think much about it, but walked away from the appointment feeling disquieted. I realized, upon thinking about it when I got home, that not only was she very much in my personal space while talking to me the entire time, but she did not "check" first before moving my body. Like "I'm just going to have a look at your leg to see what's going on" would have been enough warning for me.

Am I wrong to feel unsettled by this? Have others run in to situations similar? Or am I just trying to pin my disappointment at the futility of the appointment on discomfort at personal space invasion. How would I address this in a diplomatic way in the future?

Fiona

 

[lgelb]

You are not wrong, Fiona. If you're just in "conversation mode," a health professional should give you fair warning before touching, either by asking, "Can I..." or at least announcing, e.g. "Let me see if I can straighten this."

If you're clearly in exam mode, e.g. you've just hopped up on a table, or someone has said, "I'm going to take your blood pressure," fair warning does not apply the same way.

If you see her again, I'd say as you sit down, "Can you give me fair warning if you're going to touch anything? It's unsettling to be grabbed," or whatever fits your style. Most HCPs should not require this caveat and she should know she was wrong.

 

[ShiftKicker]

Thanks Laurie- it was during our initial conversation and not a clearly defined examination time. She was close enough to grab me with no notice, so she was being a bit of a close talker as well.

It just prompted a conversation with a friend, who also works in the health field. She figured it might have been a case of lack of boundaries, or where I was being viewed as less of an individual person and more of a medical puzzle. Something she'd experienced while she was a cancer patient. People ceased viewing her a complete person with boundaries and she became a "patient". It was something she had not been aware of before being on the "other side" and caused her to be more aware of it when she got back to work- in herself, and in observing her coworkers.

 

[skipper66]

I would try to find a way to bring it up next time you see them. I have a feeling that they have absolutely no clue that they made you uncomfortable at all. They need to be made aware of it so it doesn't happen again.

 

[ShiftKicker]

Yes. I absolutely will, Kim. It's something I will address the next time I'm back (not till April). I hate any sort of confrontation, and wasn't sure if it was just me being a bit sensitive. I've had some trouble at this clinic with another member of the team. I now refuse to bring another person with me to take notes any more because they just turn all their attention to my partner and give them any important information and I end up a piece of the furniture. I'm not really sure how to deal with it, as I feel a bit dependent on them for care, and I don't want to be considered difficult or be dismissed as a nut.

thanks again

 

[chally]

Hey shiftkicker, when that has happened to me and it's not often I just kindly say please git the f-- k out of my face and that works well! Ha ha lol Love ya chally

 

[ShiftKicker]

I should pull up my old "on the track and in the locker room" language and use it, hey? Although I can't say it loud anymore, I bet I could still make an impression!

 

[bigmark1954]

uummmm......I recommend that you b!tch slap her upside the head if it happens again!......just my 2 cents

 

[notBrad]

I'm with Chally and Mark. Next time kick them and blame it on hyperreflexia...

 

[ShiftKicker]

It was a close thing, Brad. Totally involuntary, of course.

I would like these people to be my friends! I wasn't sure if it was something others had experienced or not. The more I speak of it to others, the more I realize it should be addressed next time I'm in.

Thanks for the funny replies. It makes the situation seem a little ridiculous. My husband also had a few choice words along the lines of what chally said. Nothing for public consumption, of course, but totally satisfying. Mostly I'm bummed that aside from offering to get me a handicap placard and botox (and not in the cosmetic way), the appointment was a bit of a bust.

cheers!

Fiona

 

[CGARS]

LOL! I laugh because we have all been there.
Once you have been "poked" for a couple of years, you'll get your ***** on!
Remember your touchy-feely, close talking friend wouldn't have a job without pals like us.
They go home at the end of the day and won't thing about you, while you have to be upset.
Please enjoy your day, and next time, don't let it bother you.
cheers,
Casey

 

[affected]

Fiona it is worth noting that the startle reflex seems to heighten often with ALS - many reflexes are exaggerated, though they often then reach a point where there is no reflex.

That's quite aside from her lack of professional approach to you. It might help you though if you address it by saying something like - I may well jump and punch you without warning if you grab me suddenly, sorry ALS is a b!tch eh ...

You do have the right to be treated in a way that is comfortable for you. It doesn't have to mean a fight, just an asserting of your needs. Sometimes health professionals become rather dulled to thinking about how stressful it is for their patients because they are doing their side of it every day and it feels like normal stuff to them. It is nothing like any normal that we have experienced or ever want however! It helps them to be reminded they are treating PEOPLE not illnesses.

 

[twitchykitty]

Tillie I love how you said to put it to them, it would definitely make them think twice before touching you without warning. I also agree from my nursing days that sometimes we need a gentle reminder. Being a patient now myself there's a lot I would change about my nursing practice.
You definitely have a right to say something Fiona , I know in my nursing training we were warned not to touch a patient without permission otherwise they have grounds for a assault charge , even if we were just doing vital signs.
I'm new to reading all these posts, I have to say I love the replies!!!

 

[chally]

Hey Fiona, thanks for this post, I ain't good at this but I try not to give to much " rent free space" between my ears to outside morons. Love ya chally

 

[Diane H]

A little off from the topic, but my wheelchair is part of my personal space. Touching it is touching me! I have wished I could put a car alarm on it or set it to give an electric shock when someone touches it with no indication of permission given!