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starente15

Senior member
Joined
Oct 27, 2014
Messages
809
Reason
Lost a loved one
Diagnosis
10/2017
Country
US
State
NJ
City
Northern
things can't possibly get worse. My mother is now sick with a respiratory or sinus infection. She's on antibiotics but last year she took so many for pneumonia and other respiratory issues she developed c-diff FIVE times and was hospitalized for a long time.

She has refused to get help in here and as soon as my aunt and I arrived, she dropped. Now my aunt has a cold and I have a sore throat. It was hard enough to care for my father, now we have to quarantine my mother, make her take meds, eat and drink and keep Lysoling and bleaching everything.

Tomorrow I have to call a service about getting an aide in here for more than a few hours. Even once she she feels better she can't do this anymore. My aunt and I went down after two days of no sleep, not eating right and constant stress and anxiety.

Both her and my father are so stubborn it adds to the challenge. My mother is crying because she can't be near him, especially now as things are progressing but we can't risk him getting pneumonia. What to do. What to do.:cry:
 
I'm so sorry you have to handle such a difficult situation. But, I think you're doing the right thing in keeping your Mom separated from your Dad. I hope you get some rest soon!
Audrey
 
I am so sorry. Is your mom taking a probiotic with the antibiotic? Given her c diff history I would do that at least.
 
Yes Nikki. I called yesterday to find out what pro biotic is best for people who get cl-diff and ran to get it immediately. Totally unbelievable situation.
 
hugs star, what a nightmare :(
 
Thanks Tillie!
 
Dealt with c-diff before. Did no realize that my mom had eaten a rotting corpse before...that is what it smelled like. At the hospital they actually catheterized her bowels to control the mess. Is the doctor keeping her on the antibiotics long enough. Some doctors do 28 days of oral vancomycin or flagyl...
 
I just bought whatever had the highest bacteria count and gave her double what the label said and chased it with a serving of Greek yogurt...please keep YOURSELF healthy...CDIFF is a nightmare...we are dealing with some superbugs here now...proteus and pseudomonas....
 
What about a monitor or computer program of some kind where she can see him and he can see her until she is well enough to be in the room with him. If they can still communicate skye (something like it) or walkie talkies. She could even read to him and feel a little bit closer. I am new here and quite lost with my husbands issues so I am not a lot help with others issues but I do think how this effects her. We are the caregivers and know our time is limited with our partners so minutes away from them, let alone days is its own kind of torture for us.

You are a great son to both of them so know this is also a heavy burden for you. Thoughts are with you.
 
Good point Scared. The program is Skype and is pretty easy to setup and use.
 
Well, the Hospice nurse came today and said three days on antibiotics is enough for her to be around him. She took that as the go ahead to going back to doing everything for him even though she was told to be his wife now and not his caretaker. Spend time, talk to him, etc. She's not 100% and has a skin condition that prevents her from using hand sanitizer and repeatedly washing her hands. I'm giving in at this point. They both will do what they want and there's no stopping it.

Before dinner she said she was in the room with him and he got up from the commode himself. He knows he can get away with it with her and is now saying he doesn't want rails on the bed...sigh
 
Star, my impression has been that at least some of you think your dad's in a final phase. At that point, separating him and his wife doesn't seem to make a lot of sense anyway. Keep yourself healthy, too.
 
It's honestly hard to tell. It's a roller coaster for sure. I'd like them to be together but wish she would wear a mask and gloves. Today he said he had a scratchy throat. My brother is coughing, I'm now sneezing and coughing and my aunt thought she was catching it.

My fear is she hasn't rested enough and is jumping right back in to doing everything. She won't allow us to open windows because she thinks you get sick from the cold air (it was in the 70s). We're living in a Petri dish!

I went out this morning and got a get well card for her and had him sign it. She got "well" immediately! ��
 
It's honestly hard to tell. It's a roller coaster for sure.

And THAT sums up this monster indeed.

Some PALS go up and down seeming to be at deaths door and rally back for ages. Others seem fine and are suddenly gone. Yet others take a steady dive and it's obvious they are in end stage.

Hindsight is the 20-20 vision on what you thought at any particular point.

However, I feel the best strategy is to understand he may well be in the end stages and spend all your energy on making things as good for him and your mum as possible. It seems from what I'm reading that's pretty much exactly what you are doing.

Try to think of what your mum is doing as her way of coping, and look for as many ways to support her as you can. Her way of coping is enormously important to her. You have spent hours here asking questions and doing so much and it's been your way of coping and has been totally valid and important for you.

Do stuff around the house, make and then give her meals and lots of fluids and if she wants to fuss over him and do his care, take all the pressure off her for anything else so she can. When he does pass she is going to want the comfort of knowing she did everything she possibly could for him. She may wear herself down achieving that, but at least now you are there you can support her. Both of you will draw a lot of comfort from this after he passes whether it is tomorrow or sometime later in the future.

I think this is what counts at end of the day. We all make some kind of bargain with ourselves about what really counts and we try to meet that to deal with the anguish of the monster we are watching take all our real choices from us.
 
Thanks Tillie. You are so right.

I'm now sick. Sinus infection turning into bronchitis. :(
 
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