julialee23
Member
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2014
- Messages
- 12
- Reason
- Loved one DX
- Country
- US
- State
- Oregon
- City
- Jacksonville
I am not sure this is the appropriate place for this post, but I really have no one to talk to.
My aunt was diagnosed with ALS over a year ago. She is my mother's sister but they have been estranged their whole lives and so I have only in the last few years, been able to form a relationship with her - in secret since my mother would consider it disloyal.
around a year and a half ago, my aunt began to pull away - not answering emails or calls. I have complained to my Great Aunt and my cousins who have something of a relationship with my aunt and they all encouraged me to keep trying. Finally, a month or so ago, I told them that I thought Jeanette was no longer interested in a relationship and that is when my great aunt told me that it was because of this diagnoses. I was not supposed to know - no one in my family was supposed to know and my great Aunt who is 93, has had to be her only support.
My cousins are physicians and so they are trying to counsel her a little, but the only person she is really attached to is my great aunt who is far too old to be dealing with this on her own.
she finally managed to get Jeanette to agree to me being told (which had already happened) but at least i was now able to reach out directly. She is not returning any phone calls however despite my assurance that i will deep her secret and will not let my mother or siblings know.
She lives in a very remote part of the county and when she drives, it must be along curvy country roads. My great aunt is very concerned for her being out there all alone, but since she won't allow anyone out to see her (we suspect she cannot take very good care of her property or her house and doesn't want anyone to know), we only get updates when she manages to come out to see my great aunt.
Apparently, she is not doing well this week - being too weak to drive due to GI troubles from some self styled medications she is taking that she feels are her only hope. they are causing severe diarrhea though, and she has lost a lot of weight and was never big to begin with.
After being shocked at the news, i am now finding i am becoming detached again, since she is not willing to reach out. It can't be good for her to be so far away even if she hasn't deteriorated so far that she can no longer drive. That day will surely come.
She won't listen to my Great Aunt who wants her to sell her property and move closer in and has talked obliquely about suicide.
I don't know what to do. Should i break my word and tell my mom? i am not sure how she will react, but it could be worse keeping it from her since she will find out eventually and likely question why i didn't let her in on the secret before.
We have all suffered from their dysfunctional relationship - no family thanksgivings - secret lunches and now this.
At a time when all stupid childhood fights and feelings of being favored (they both think the other was given more) should be put aside, she is continuing the dysfunction, and in the process hurting herself and the rest of us. And yet, I know the depth of dislike is fierce and I am not sure my mother would do the right thing if she knew the truth either....
help!
My aunt was diagnosed with ALS over a year ago. She is my mother's sister but they have been estranged their whole lives and so I have only in the last few years, been able to form a relationship with her - in secret since my mother would consider it disloyal.
around a year and a half ago, my aunt began to pull away - not answering emails or calls. I have complained to my Great Aunt and my cousins who have something of a relationship with my aunt and they all encouraged me to keep trying. Finally, a month or so ago, I told them that I thought Jeanette was no longer interested in a relationship and that is when my great aunt told me that it was because of this diagnoses. I was not supposed to know - no one in my family was supposed to know and my great Aunt who is 93, has had to be her only support.
My cousins are physicians and so they are trying to counsel her a little, but the only person she is really attached to is my great aunt who is far too old to be dealing with this on her own.
she finally managed to get Jeanette to agree to me being told (which had already happened) but at least i was now able to reach out directly. She is not returning any phone calls however despite my assurance that i will deep her secret and will not let my mother or siblings know.
She lives in a very remote part of the county and when she drives, it must be along curvy country roads. My great aunt is very concerned for her being out there all alone, but since she won't allow anyone out to see her (we suspect she cannot take very good care of her property or her house and doesn't want anyone to know), we only get updates when she manages to come out to see my great aunt.
Apparently, she is not doing well this week - being too weak to drive due to GI troubles from some self styled medications she is taking that she feels are her only hope. they are causing severe diarrhea though, and she has lost a lot of weight and was never big to begin with.
After being shocked at the news, i am now finding i am becoming detached again, since she is not willing to reach out. It can't be good for her to be so far away even if she hasn't deteriorated so far that she can no longer drive. That day will surely come.
She won't listen to my Great Aunt who wants her to sell her property and move closer in and has talked obliquely about suicide.
I don't know what to do. Should i break my word and tell my mom? i am not sure how she will react, but it could be worse keeping it from her since she will find out eventually and likely question why i didn't let her in on the secret before.
We have all suffered from their dysfunctional relationship - no family thanksgivings - secret lunches and now this.
At a time when all stupid childhood fights and feelings of being favored (they both think the other was given more) should be put aside, she is continuing the dysfunction, and in the process hurting herself and the rest of us. And yet, I know the depth of dislike is fierce and I am not sure my mother would do the right thing if she knew the truth either....
help!
, cav EMT tvomm tadlt!
