How do they do it?

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Mattydejr

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CALS
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Texas
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League City
I am diagnosed bi-polar disorder husband of an ALS wife! She is going in to the third year of diagnosis. While its been a challenge. It is of ate that my failings are apparent. We have our Oder daughter take care of her during the day, hole I attempt t night. My patence and temperment have been lacking. My question is does it just get worse and worse. Now, I have nt been perfect but I do know my shortcomings and attempt to pay others to o where I can't . She tells me nw I have put her in hell, and she is disappointed in me and because I'm I'll we should not be married. I'm telling you isn't feel this deserved, I've ways read that ALS die nt affect the mind, or am I that bad? Are these the memories I'm to deal with or do do my best Mther Theresa and just move forward.
 
Pardon my iPad grammar issues hopefully the point came across
 
Matty,
ALS can affect the mind. You may not have changed at all or be doing anything wrong. When there are major changes, it is called FTD and there is a separate forum about that on this site. It's not clear from your description if this is what your wife has. However, it is now felt that many people with ALS have at least some cognitive changes. If your wife goes to an ALS clinic or academic medical center, there should be a neuropsychologist around who can do testing. S/he can also track change over time so you and your wife can see how things are going. At least you can get an outside view of whether you should really consider ending your marriage.

But apart from dementia, mood changes are common. A person who is losing physical abilities and may well be in pain is more likely to be depressed, angry and everything you might imagine. Sometimes PALS can benefit from an antidepressant. Sometimes just talking honestly about what expectations you have of each other (everyone in your family) can help. Sometimes what comes out of a PALS' mouth is sheer fear and anger, not true belief.

Take care of yourself, too, keep up with your meds and whatever pastime helps you get through. Though your wife may not always express it, you are still everything you have been to her these past years.

Best,
Laurie
 
Thank you I will look into the FTD. Although I have aways been a self responsibility person. I would hate to blame her fr my shortcomngs as caregiver. And apparently caregiving is profession not just something anyone is capable of. Especially when its someone close.
Thanks again
 
I agree with Laurie about the neuropsych evaluation! It's possible some psychiatric medication will help, and at the same time maybe it will help ease your mind that it isn't you. Also, keep in mind that even mild dementia symptoms can be worse at night.
 
How do you do that without them consenting. She believes we re all the problem and all of are slackers. So please let me know what to do if anything, I am losing my mind.......
 
Matty, as a bi-polar ALS patient I know how important it is to keep yourself healthy. As long as you are doing that you will know that the difficulty is with your Pal's emotions not yours. A neuropsych evaluation would be helpful for her. As for yourself try to get enough sleep (I need to) and keep in touch with your mental health worker to discuss how this is affecting you.
 
wrongMatty, I hope with you being a ALS patient that you are seeing a good psychiatrist for yourself and if you are on any medicines that you take them regularly and as prescribed. You need outside help also in taking care of your wife. A person who is bipolar has emotions that are all over the place. A bipolar person has a hard time just dealing with everday living. It intensifies 100 x's worse when stress occurs. What could be more stressful then a loved one having ALS and also being their caretaker. All this is definitely not your fault Matty. But, your illness is a big part of it. It is worth getting her evaluated but I doubt it is her mind being affected. Please get some outside help rather it be caretakers, friends, or caregivers. You can't for your own help deal with this all alone. You will be in my prayers. Kim
 
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