Rough Couple Days

[snugd35]

I feel the need to get some things out. I've had a rough few days. My grandma had to go back to the clinic this past week and the night before she went she fell in the tub. I feel its time my grandparents get some help with them both being almost 80. At the clinic she went through a nerve test, breathing test of some sort and some other things. It was a two day event that they got done in a day because the clinic is 3 hours away. All day I was wondering how things were going. The same day she was there I found out my grandpa's sister and her husband aren't doing well and he probably wont make it till July. They think my grandma broke ribs from the fall, shes been in pain all week. She goes tomorrow to get a new brace I believe for her legs, a breathing machine, get blood drawn, therapy, and also to a respiratory doctor. She has a long day ahead of her...

Finding out I may be losing 3 people Im close to has been very hard this week. To make matters worse, every year for Memorial Day, the Sunday before my parents, grandparents, and I take flowers to the cemetery for our loved ones. While we were at my grandpa's fathers my dad asked me if I saw my grandparents headstone yet...They have my grandparents headstone already on their plot. I knew they had a plot but seeing that headstone just hit me harder than I ever expected. I had to fight back tears. It made it all too real for me. I know it was recently done because my grandpa said they were supposed to call so he could look at it and make sure it looked ok before they brought it out...well they never called. I was fine that day until I saw that and then almost anything made me want to cry. I cried on the way to meeting friends and friends could tell I was quiet. Im normally the goofball of the group. When they hugged me and asked how I was, again had to fight back tears.

I hate that Im on the verge of tears all the time. Im normally not a person who cries in front of people so its hard for me to keep it together. I know my friends understand and they are amazing and supportive but its still hard. All week I've just wanted to cry. Today I broke down a little a did...I was afraid I wouldnt stop. Is it normal to break down and cry so often? Should I be stronger than this? I feel ashamed I cant hold things together. Part of me wants to explain more to my friends that when Im quiet Im just having a rough day with things but dont want it to seem like Im doing it for attention. Sometimes its easier if they dont ask how things are...

Please tell me Im somewhat normal for all this..

 

[Atsugi]

Yes, normal. But not entirely necessary. If you can't function because of it, ask for an anti-depressant. Consider it an aspirin for the psyche.

 

[notme]

The one thing one should never feel 'guilty' over is their emotions. You have the right to them--and to be honest--sometimes a good cry is very helpful.

Memorial Day is a day that a lot of people look at as just another day off work--no mail that day--darn it, the bank is closed--some, with lost loved ones and ones that are terminally ill--don't find it a time for celebration.

An anti-depressant can help--especially if you're finding it difficult to function--but finding someone you can talk with might help even more.

Some positive things you can do--go with the grandparents to appts--make it an easier trip perhaps by driving. Offer to pick up the tab for a motel if it's too long of a trip for one day. Help your grandparents with in-home assistance if it's available (I'm assuming one of them has ALS if you're here) There is a lot of assistance out there.

If grandma is falling--express your concerns that perhaps it's time for a wheelchair rather than braces. Talk to the ALSA in your area.

Spend time with them now while they are all here. Value that time. Hugs hon--it's hard to deal with the potential loss of a loved one.

 

[bkbabe]

Hi,
I am a new caregiver. and new to this site. My husband was diagnosed in March of this year. I was touched by your poem and what you are going through. I am experiencing a lot of what you are.
I stay connected with my friends, go out as much as possible and cry. I'm finding that grief takes time to get through.
My thought are with you.

 

[Tom's Support]

Your grief seems a lot like mine. I have always been class clown, the joyful one. The one all my friends and associates can rely on to bring the mood up a bit. When we are where we are now it is hard to to and they really miss it. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to be yourself. Mostly I have found the friends are saying things like "it is about time, I thought you weren't human" mostly because they are glad to do the uplifting for me for a change.
Not being youself is very uncomfortable. 10 years running and now I am a little more comfortable with the 'not me' me.

Another note on the emotions -- they are there to protect you, and help you cope. Tears are great cleansers, as they flow they can carry with them your saddness, exhasperation, anger and a lot of other toxic matter that balls up inside. After a good cry it is like outside after the rain. Nature comes alive again. You may not want to sing like the birds, but you can feel lighter and that really counts for something.

We are fortunate that the rough days may come a few at a time, but better days follow. Do something for yourself that is not in your routine, like take a short stay away from it all -- no phones too. And make sure you occupy your time with something fun. A change is like a holiday and that too will comfort your troubled soul. No, it won't change anything except that it will give you new energy to cope. You may even be able to be your old self for a while.:wink:
There is nothing selfish about that, that is your gift to the world.

 

[tammyg]

There is nothing wrong with you but you love your family. My dad passed of Bulbar Palsy/ALS and I am an only child, daddy's little girl and all....
I am usually the life of the party, and always have a good time no matter where we go (me & my husband) always joking around, we get invited to parties just for entertainment. When my dad was going through this all I could do was cr, in the shower, in the car, after a visit with my dad I would be up beat and joke around because I did not want him to see me sad, that would make him sad. Then I would cry all the way home and all night. I would wake up out of a sleep crying. There is nothing wrong with you but you love your family. You can't hold it in. Sometimes I thought I was going to have a break down because no matter what I did I could not get him out of my mind. Being a Cancer sign I am emotional anyway, but this was crazy, I could not control it half the time. The smallest things would make me cry. Hand in there you have alot, and I mean alot on your plate,

 

[snugd35]

Thanks. I totally know what you mean Tammy...

 

[evansmom99]

Hello
Just wanted to let you know that you are doing just fine. I am the one in the family that appears tough and to the task and am very reluctant to show tears of frustration, fear, or sadness. For me I get really quiet and in the past found that going to a hotel for a day or two does the trick. I take along a huggable size stuffed animal and just take time for me. If you don't let it out when it does it will be a doozie. Your real friends and family will understand, those that think you are going for attention are not real friends or support.
Blessings and Peace
Connie