Claire
Active member
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2010
- Messages
- 31
- Reason
- CALS
- Diagnosis
- 11/2009
- Country
- US
- State
- NJ
- City
- Whitehouse Station
My first outing for me was ruined – and I’m feeling so selfish. I finally hired a home health aide for eight hours a day. My husband Greg has very little use of either of his legs or arms, and he’s a pretty big guy. The agency told me that although the aide they were sending is short, he has taken care of ALS patients before, but if I have a problem with him to not be afraid to call the agency and they’ll send someone else. He started work yesterday, and I figured that I’d stay home the day just to see how things went. They went okay, but I found that every time he had to transfer Greg, I was around helping. Kind of defeats the purpose. Last night I couldn’t sleep - I was finally, after two and a half months of going out only to do chores, going to go out by myself to do something for me – a haircut and color. I’ve been like a lunatic dealing with getting ready to move, (probably two weeks away) overseeing all the details for a new septic system, taking with lawyers and engineers, and picking out stuff for our new condo, and taking care of my husband as well as trying to spend quality time with him. I figured I deserved this break and I was going to have a guilt-free couple of hours. NOT! Just before I was ready to leave, I heard Greg yelling from the living room. I ran to the room to see the aide holding on to the gait belt trying to transfer Greg from the lift chair to the commode next to the chair. Greg’s one leg was twisted and the more the aide pulled on the gait belt, the more the knee twisted – and both the knees are knee replacements. I ran to Greg, and the only option left to take Greg out of his misery was to lower him to the floor and straighten out his knees, which I was able to do. The aide called 911 and when the police arrived they insisted that Greg be taken to the hospital because his knee and back hurt. We spent the entire day in the emergency room – 10:00 to 6:30. Thankfully only the muscles around his knee were sprained. And now I’m having a pity party! I feel as if I’m becoming invisible – I’m losing me. And Greg’s the one with the horrendous disease, and I’m feeling sorry for myself - and there starts the guilt – again. I can’t stop crying. And I realized tonight that I needed to talk with my friends on this site – because only you can understand what this is like. So here I am. I’m not cleaning out closets, I’m not balancing the checkbook. I’m not doing anything that I should be doing, but I am refusing to let the guilt stop me. Thankfully, Greg got some good drugs, so he’s calmed down and sleeping peacefully. Oh, by the way – I called the agency and left a message telling them that this aide is not working out, and that they should find someone else who will be able to handle Greg safely. Unfortunately, I’ll have to see the aide tomorrow because he left some stuff at our house, but I’ve made up my mind that tomorrow will be his last day in our house. And he’d better watch out if he tells me again that it was Greg’s fault because he panicked, or if he chastises me if I scratch Greg’s nose, or if he tells me again how much more horrible this disease becomes even after I’ve told him that I don’t want to hear about his experiences, because if he says any of those things, I have made up my mind that I will ask him to leave immediately. Even though I think his intentions are good, for me it’s No more Mr. Nice Guy!
I truly hope all of you had a more uneventful day than I. It’s comforting to know you understand. God bless us all. Claire
I truly hope all of you had a more uneventful day than I. It’s comforting to know you understand. God bless us all. Claire
Qmieti vsz vu miv hu ug vji haomv. PZG!(puv zuas geamv!) Nesz
