diagnosed - I've heard floats are relaxing, I just wonder if I would feel claustrophobic in those little pods, (dark/small/enclosed). I'll look into it though, thanks.
Jlynn - thank you for your kind words. I hear you on the flood gates, seems safer to keep them closed tight and locked up sometimes...who knows what is on the other en. I too will let it out sometimes at home, alone, after everyone is asleep while going through this forum, then cry to sleep and then wake up looking like a puffy mess, lol. I want to ask you, hope it is okay...do you feel that the anticipatory grief and sadness you went through before has helped ease the pain after he was gone? I often wonder that by feeling so horribly sad now, that it might be a different/maybe easier grief. I know it will be different, but maybe alot of tears have already been shed so it wont be so bad. Just wondering what it is like on the other side.
Mike - I appreciate your move on and live life attitude. I definitely plan on that as guilty as it feels sometimes. Just picture travelling again or simple pleasures like eating in a restaurant or sitting in a park. I can picture giving myself some time for myself and kids to just be in our pj's and be a mess for a bit and then try to work with a new normal and hopefully move on to living with the living. My PALS has little empathy and has told me that there should be no issues for me to do everything on my own and honestly thinks that he has very little impact on daily life for us. Obviously, we all know how physically, emotionally, mentally taxing this stupid disease is and it indeed time and life taxing. He also is private and wont let anyone else but me help with changing, bathroom, shower, etc. I have thought about just getting the help and see if he could just get used to it but I'm really trying to respect his wishes and let him have some control over his situation (as hard as it might be for us on the other end). Maybe I'm making a mistake, I'm not sure.
Kim - thanks for the helpful suggestions. My PALS doesn't want any visitors, doesn't like anyone visiting/sitting with him, so babysitting help is hard if he doesn't want them in the house. He almost can't talk and me and the kids are really the only one that can understand him, so I think he feels the pressure to say something back when people sit with him and talk. I told him they can just hang out, be here if you need anything and just watch tv with you. He won't drink much and be thirsty just so he wont have to pee and all around is more stressful for him. Not sure if its worth asking people for help and I find it really hard to assign or think of specific things people could do (within my PALS parameters).
