has anyone thought about suicide?

[foxmedic108]

today she wrote a note saying that if she dies in july we should still get her social security check in august. she wants me to check that out. i am shocked and numb. part of me doesn't believe she is going to do it.

she is wrapped up in this that she doesn't care about how having all the medics and firemen in the house will affect them. she's never asked if i'll be ok. what's going to happen to us.

 

[Dusty7]

Just to clear up erroneous info in this post--

"Social Security payments are made... as payment for the previous month. Thus, a Social Security recipient must have survived the entire month to be entitled to the payment. For example, if a recipient dies on June 24, the payment made on July 3 will have to be returned. Consequently, in most cases the estates of decedents must pay back the Social Security Administration (SSA) for the last payment received."

 

[foxmedic108]

thanks dusty, that's what i thought. not that it matters really. she just doesn't understand that this is going to effect my children. they watched their father bleed to death and now this? she is so self centered right now she doesn't care about anyone else. every single day she says something about killing herself. the stress is more than i ever thought i could take. i am stressed and exhausted at the same time. i'm afraid all the time. i will tell the kids to stay away from her room and when the time comes i will have to try to get them to a relative's house. i wish there were a book out that explains what to do in this situation.

 

[Nikki J]

I am sure you are telling her all this. Is she just ignoring everything? I do support a PALS's right to end things on their own terms but this seems like something else is driving this. Was she emotionally fragile before? It almost seems like she has lost touch with reality in which case maybe just maybe you should consider a psychiatric intervention? I don't know of course. You know her you are there....I am so sorry

 

[GilWest]

Yes. If I am ever diagnosed with this disease, and there is still no effective treatment, I fully plan to end my life. I will NEVER put my own family through what I am going through and have been dealing with for the past two years. There is no hope only misery with this disease...

 

[Atsugi]

today she wrote a note saying that if she dies in july...she's never asked if i'll be ok. what's going to happen to us.

This is other posts make me think your mother really wants attention more than anything else. Just a thought.

 

[foxmedic108]

thanks everyone. she has wanted to die since my father died. so this is a perfect reason to do it.

if i am ever diagnosed with this disease i will end my life. i don't disagree with the decision so much that i am not sure of her decision is what she really wants. she has refused psych evals in the past.

one thing i know is that i want off this ride. i feel like i have failed her as a daughter because i can't help her with this. i feel like a bad mother because my children have to go through this.

 

[GilWest]

thanks everyone. she has wanted to die since my father died. so this is a perfect reason to do it.

if i am ever diagnosed with this disease i will end my life. i don't disagree with the decision so much that i am not sure of her decision is what she really wants. she has refused psych evals in the past.

one thing i know is that i want off this ride. i feel like i have failed her as a daughter because i can't help her with this. i feel like a bad mother because my children have to go through this.

Right there with you...

 

[Atsugi]

I partly disagree. (So I guess I partly agree.)
I wouldn't off myself right away.
As long as I have six months left, I could find some goal that would keep me going. Maybe I could raise funds for a school, write a book, or a build a museum.
Then I'd revisit the places that hold my fondest memories.
I'd certainly go to the Trocadero Restaurant in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower where I first told Krissy I love her.
My ego is just big enough that I would want something named after me.
I'd move to Oregon and enjoy watching the great outdoors grow around me.
Then I'd call Compassion and Choices to get my final medication.


__________________________________________
(Now that I think about it, I should do these things now!)

 

[foxmedic108]

today i got a note saying that she was going to her current doctor to tell him she is leaving his practice because he won't give her medicine so she can sleep. she called him cruel and unchirstian.

she wants to find a new doctor. i can't think straight anymore.

 

[gooseberry]

Perhaps you need to find an alternative living situation for your mom. I dont mean to be simplistic but.your stress is.palpable.

 

[foxmedic108]

that may be the best idea if she goes for it.

 

[Atsugi]

Or if she doesn't go for it. We ended up sending my mother to an Assisted Living Facility against her will toward the end of her life, when she became just too unmanageable for the rest of the family to attend to. We needed to carry on with our lives, and she was not taking care of herself as a normal adult person would.

It's a really hard decision to come to. There's a lot of guilt and accusation.

We all have to come to an end sometime. The last year of our lives is usually really resource intensive, using medical and family resources trying to stay vertical when our bodies or minds are trying to quit naturally.

Not sure if any of this is relevant, but that's the thought I had.

 

[Barbie]

Wow Fox, awful situation. Suicide is a horrible thing--not on the person committing it, but on the family left behind. I would never deny the right to make a choice and carry thru on it for any reason, but not to demand assistance. She asked once, you said you could not help. she needs to be a grownup and get on the internet and figure it all out. and she needs to think of her grandchildren and be careful what she says and does infront of them. there are plenty of ways to kill yourself--people do it everyday. it gets harder and requires assistance as you become more disabled. if she can still function fairly well then she needs to figure this out now. but how unfair to ask you to participate.

my husband has also considered it. in the early days he threatened to jump off a balcony at a hotel. that was a horrible experience for me--thinking of our 4 kids . happily he did not and those thoughts faded away just like Greg. but yes, I know he does think about it some what. He is completely disabled and he recently told me that when he got to a certain point he wanted me to help him and he told me how. I let him know that I would not be able to do what he asked, that I could not live with myself if I did. I told him that we would just have to make sure hospice got involved and that they could give him meds to help ease his suffering.

 

[nebrhahe53]

After my diagnosis, I contacted all the assisted suicide organizations, got the peaceful pill handbook etc. This was when I was mobile enough to actually commit suicide. I did not do it because my wife told me it would hurt her and my daughter more if I did it.
still not sure I understand why that would be harder than watching me die slowly, but that what was said,

> I've always thought that suicide is a selfish act because it causes so much suffering for the loved ones you leave behind. And, in so many cases, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary issue.

I agree with the first part of this, I guess that's what my wife was saying, but for our select group, I don't agree with the second part. We don't have a temporary issue, its permanent and its gruesome and it only gets worse day by day.

And in any case, I don't know of too many successful suicides done by rolling off the bed onto a rug 2 feet down. That's about my capabilities now.When I was looking I was shocked how hard it is these days to commit suicide with pills. The medications that you could do that with have been pulled from the market. With today's meds you'd wind up in the ER with your stomach pumped.

I actually asked my GP, who I have been going to for 30 years, if he could help me when the time came-he said that they could give me morphine so that I would die in peace, it just has to be done slowly so that there are no legal consequences, but you dont know that-you are asleep.