Old 03-14-2008, 12:17 AM #1
The Sass The Sass is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: 2007
City: Frisco
State: Texas
Country: US
Interest: I am a caregiver for someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 21
The Sass is on a distinguished road
The Sass The Sass is offline
New Member
Join Date: 2007
City: Frisco
State: Texas
Country: US
Interest: I am a caregiver for someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 21
The Sass is on a distinguished road
Default When does it get easier

Hi all,

I and my dad (81) was my mom's caregiver. She passed away Feb. 14th. Though we knew she was going down we nor hospice knew it would be so soon. We knew 5 minutes before she was gone she was going. Anyway, it has been a month and I just cannot seem to find any this grief getting better. How long does it take and is it normal to be a basket case after 4 weeks.

sass
The Sass is offline  
Old 03-14-2008, 08:33 AM #2
witzz witzz is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: 2007
City: New York City
State: NY
Country: US
Diagnosed: 06/2007
Interest: I am a family member of someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 19
witzz is on a distinguished road
witzz witzz is offline
New Member
Join Date: 2007
City: New York City
State: NY
Country: US
Diagnosed: 06/2007
Interest: I am a family member of someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 19
witzz is on a distinguished road
Default

Hi Sass,

My mom died Feb 25 and I keep going up and down like a yo-yo. I'm guessing that this is normal...that is, any way you are grieving is normal. You suffered a huge loss and it's going to take a lot of time for you to get over it (as much as any of us ever do). Especially since you didn't have any time to prepare for your mom's death - I imagine that just makes it all harder. Hang in there, and don't be hard on yourself. If you can even manage to get up in the morning, that's a huge step.

Best wishes,

Witzz
witzz is offline  
Old 03-14-2008, 09:51 PM #3
CindyM CindyM is offline
Moderator
Forum Moderator
 
Join Date: 2006
City: Anytown
State: New England
Country: US
Interest: I am interested in learning about ALS/MND.
Posts: 3,546
CindyM is on a distinguished road
CindyM CindyM is offline
Moderator
Forum Moderator

Join Date: 2006
City: Anytown
State: New England
Country: US
Interest: I am interested in learning about ALS/MND.
Posts: 3,546
CindyM is on a distinguished road
Default

As a nation, we place such huge respect on youth and vitality that sometimes people around us do not know how to support a great loss such as this. And when our friends and loved ones are quiet, we begin to second-guess our grief. But it does take time, and it is completely natural. Four weeks seems like a long time when you miss someone you loved, but in reality, you need to give yourself more time.

It helps if you do special things for yourself and above all take extra care of your health. In other words eat all your vegetables, exercise every day, and get plenty of rest.

We are here for you, too. Don't forget that!
CindyM is offline  
Old 03-21-2008, 10:07 AM #4
MamaSara6 MamaSara6 is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: 2007
City: Alpharetta
State: GA
Country: US
Interest: I am a family member of someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 24
MamaSara6 is on a distinguished road
MamaSara6 MamaSara6 is offline
New Member
Join Date: 2007
City: Alpharetta
State: GA
Country: US
Interest: I am a family member of someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 24
MamaSara6 is on a distinguished road
Default

I'm so sorry about your mom. I think any way you grieve is "normal"----I guess there are different stages everyone has to go through, but we all do it differently. I was the one who had the hardest time right after my mom died---a lot of bad days, not being loving enough with my own family because I didn't have the energy or any joy, a lot of tears. But 6 months later, I'm much better. I miss Mom a lot, but I can think of her last days and I can think of the good times. My sister, OTOH, is having a nervous breakdown and panic attacks. She held it together after mom's death while she rested and looked for a new job (she was the caregiver); now she's finding out that she hasn't dealt with it and going to the grief counseling offered by Hospice. My brother is going through it in his own way. He put a lot of his grief into building Mom a beautiful casket---she wanted just a simple pine box, but he made it beautiful.

So, we all do it differently. Give yourself time and permission to grieve. Take advantage of grief counseling services if life is more than you can handle.

God bless you and your Dad!
MamaSara6 is offline  
Old 03-21-2008, 11:47 PM #5
Lorie's Avatar
Lorie Lorie is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: 2007
City: Mobile
State: Alabama
Country: Uni
Interest: I am a family member of someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 546
Lorie is on a distinguished road
Lorie Lorie is offline
Senior Member
Lorie's Avatar
Join Date: 2007
City: Mobile
State: Alabama
Country: Uni
Interest: I am a family member of someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 546
Lorie is on a distinguished road
Default The Sass

Grief is a Normal but hard process. I would be surprised if you recovered in a Month. Please read the attached Link. I think it will help you alot.

http://www.uiowa.edu/%7Eucs/griefloss.html

Sorry for you loss, given time it will get easier to bare.

Lorie
Lorie is offline  
Old 03-25-2008, 10:38 AM #6
Paty's Avatar
Paty Paty is offline
Member
 
Join Date: 2006
City: Mexicali
State: Baja California
Country: Mexico
Interest: I have been diagnosed with ALS.
Posts: 194
Paty is on a distinguished road
Paty Paty is offline
Member
Paty's Avatar
Join Date: 2006
City: Mexicali
State: Baja California
Country: Mexico
Interest: I have been diagnosed with ALS.
Posts: 194
Paty is on a distinguished road
Default The Sass

Hi Sass:

It will take time to get over the loss of your mom; I am still grieving for my husband, sometimes I feel better and sometimes I cannot stop crying, specially when I am alone,
Saturday's and Sunday's; I say to myself I am going to go out to the movies or to go shopping and I finish staying at home, working on my computer (making graphics). I need to keep my mind busy this is
the only way I stop thinking all he went through with this horrible A.L.S.

Next Sunday will be three month's of his passing away.

May God bless you and give you the comfort you need.

Paty
Baja California, Mexico
Cals to late husband Jorge
Dx Oct. 17, 2005 Died Dec. 30, 2007
Paty is offline  
Old 04-04-2008, 05:42 AM #7
kirya2@hotmail.com kirya2@hotmail.com is offline
New Member (Say Hi)
 
Join Date: 2008
City: Alhambra
State: Alberta
Country: CA
Interest: I am a family member of someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 3
kirya2@hotmail.com is on a distinguished road
kirya2@hotmail.com kirya2@hotmail.com is offline
New Member (Say Hi)
Join Date: 2008
City: Alhambra
State: Alberta
Country: CA
Interest: I am a family member of someone with ALS/MND.
Posts: 3
kirya2@hotmail.com is on a distinguished road
Default

Hey Sass, I hope the messages here have given you some peace. There is no magic formula or set date when the grief process will be over, or even a little easier for you. But I am guessing that you have already began to heal by the fact that you have reached out for help. My Granddad had a wonderful saying that I pay heed to every day-No matter what today offers up, the sun will come up tomorrow. You take care...
kirya2@hotmail.com is offline  
Old 04-05-2008, 08:11 PM #8
paula-jane paula-jane is offline
Member
 
Join Date: 2007
City: Oakville
State: Ontario
Country: Canada
Interest: I lost a loved one to ALS/MND.
Posts: 112
paula-jane is on a distinguished road
paula-jane paula-jane is offline
Member
Join Date: 2007
City: Oakville
State: Ontario
Country: Canada
Interest: I lost a loved one to ALS/MND.
Posts: 112
paula-jane is on a distinguished road
Default

I agree... the first couple of weeks after my mum passed... I felt... okay. The past few weeks... I'm all over the board with my emotions. I'm clearing out her home.. memories of 37 years surround me in my childhood home and I'm shattered somedays to the point I think that my pain will never subside... other days, the sun comes out and the world seems a beautiful place. I think CindyM said something like... we can't place a specific time frame or way of grieving. I think she is right... we will all do what we think is right and grieve whatever way brings us peace of mind. We just have to roll with it and hope one day that it brings us to a better place emotionally. I know that I will get through this. I know we will all get through this. I remember when my grandmother died and I thought my mum's grief would never end... but, it did... and she learned to laugh and smile about her mum.. as I will one day for my mum.
paula-jane is offline  
Old 04-06-2008, 08:00 AM #9
fiddleplayer51's Avatar
fiddleplayer51 fiddleplayer51 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: 2008
City: Harrisonburg
State: VA
Country: US
Diagnosed: 03/2008
Interest: Husband dx'd with bulbar onset ALS March 2008.
Posts: 337
fiddleplayer51 is on a distinguished road
fiddleplayer51 fiddleplayer51 is offline
Member
fiddleplayer51's Avatar
Join Date: 2008
City: Harrisonburg
State: VA
Country: US
Diagnosed: 03/2008
Interest: Husband dx'd with bulbar onset ALS March 2008.
Posts: 337
fiddleplayer51 is on a distinguished road
Default

Hello The Sass,
Grief comes and goes and the four weeks you mentioned in your post is such a short time. I'm so sorry for the pain of your loss. Our mothers were always there for us and losing them is very difficult. My mother died 7 1/2 years ago and I still grieve at odd moments as when I have a memory of something or feel grateful for the many valuable lessons I learned from her. I find that the cycle of a year after the death of a loved one brings much healing. The months preceding the anniversary of the death are filled with memories such as "he/she was still here then", but after the anniversary of a death we start thinking "Last year at this time..." and it's a different kind of looking at the bigger picture. It becomes looking back at the past instead of being still immersed in the grieving present.
I wish you all the best. We're alone in our grief, but we're also not alone. Everywhere people are grieving for someone. This forum certainly shows us that many others have daily grief to wallow through and it allows us to share our grief.
Take care and cry when you need to and also don't feel guilty if you find yourself laughing about something.
All the best,
Jane
fiddleplayer51 is offline  
Old 04-06-2008, 08:29 AM #10
CindyM CindyM is offline
Moderator
Forum Moderator
 
Join Date: 2006
City: Anytown
State: New England
Country: US
Interest: I am interested in learning about ALS/MND.
Posts: 3,546
CindyM is on a distinguished road
CindyM CindyM is offline
Moderator
Forum Moderator

Join Date: 2006
City: Anytown
State: New England
Country: US
Interest: I am interested in learning about ALS/MND.
Posts: 3,546
CindyM is on a distinguished road
Default

Well put, everyone. I am helping my Mom in the last stage of her life on this earth and sometimes it is a lonely task. These last five years of her Alzheimer's have robbed her of her personality, her ability to communicate, and just about everything else. I have grieved losing the Mom I knew, but there is much more grief to come. I will miss the part of her that her disease did not take, and I will miss her caregivers, fellow residents, and the time we all spend together.

A part of our life goes with the ones we love when they leave. Sad, but this is a part of life, too. Nothing is permanent, as Quadbliss llikes to remind us.
CindyM is offline  
Closed Thread

Tags
caregiver, dad, grief, hospice


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Falling doesn't get easier LouLou General Discussion About PLS 25 04-20-2015 01:34 PM
Easier cursor movement! Diane H Tips, Tricks, and Gadgets 1 04-15-2014 12:25 PM
breathing easier with abdomenal support jb63 General Discussion About ALS/MND 10 03-27-2012 06:23 AM
want to make it easier... jamorel General Discussion About ALS/MND 14 02-09-2012 11:14 PM
This never gets easier.. joni51 Current Caregivers (CALS) 8 08-22-2011 07:02 PM
Washing hair can it get any easier? Emz1985 Tips, Tricks, and Gadgets 19 06-18-2011 11:57 AM
wishing these things would get easier as time goes; elizabethkathryn In Memoriam/In Memory of 8 07-20-2009 04:29 PM
making life easier Jen Welcome New Members - Say Hello 4 12-22-2006 04:43 PM
Gagging : What can be done to prevent or make it easier? Pearl People With ALS - "PALS" 2 09-18-2006 01:06 AM


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:00 AM.

 

Who we are

"We are a volunteer-driven online community that originated in 2003. We are a resource for anyone affected by ALS and MND. We are a community of like-minded and compassionate individuals. Together we are the ALS Forum and together we build this online resource and online community."

 

Want to help?

Have you found our website helpful? Do you enjoy having a place to talk to people that are knowledgeable about ALS and MND? If you have found it helpful to chat with people at different stages of the ALS/MND journey we encourage you to get involved.

Copyright © 2016