Old 02-15-2008, 09:26 PM #1
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Unhappy Mom is dying

Hi all,

Thanks for your words of support and wisdom on the question of stopping eating.

My mom weighed all of her options and decided to stop eating. She hasn't had anything to eat or drink since Tuesday night. My partner and our little girl are here with me at my mom's, and my brother and sister have both been coming around with their families, and relatives and friends are all coming by to be with my mom. Hospice has prescribed morphine and other drugs for her to keep her comfortable, and the 2 home health aides that have been working with her all along are still doing their excellent job.

Today, she slept a lot but still managed to enjoy her kids and grandkids, listen to her favorite radio show, and "hang out" with us in the living room.

Bar nothing, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I will never be ready to say goodbye. I keep crying on and off and the rest of the time I just feel sad. But for Mom's sake, I make jokes and try to keep things upbeat. Her final moments should be good ones, and they are so far.

I have no idea how long this is going to take...no one seems to know. So we are all just taking it one day at a time.

I'm lucky to have the support of a wonderful family. And of course my mom is handling this final time with the same grace and dignity with which she's handled the whole disease.

I'm glad for her that she made a decision that was right for her, and that she will have her final rest soon. No one should have to suffer with this disease. Let's hope that one day they will find a cure so that no one will have to live like this again.

Best wishes to all.

~Witzz
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:29 PM #2
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Hi wittzz. This is not an easy thing to be going through. Hopefully for your mom's sake and yours and the family's it will not be a long process. Not taking fluids will speed things up.
My thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
AL.
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Old 02-16-2008, 01:10 AM #3
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I went through this twice last year. My mother had her last intake of food on a Sunday (with very little food or fluid for several days before that) and went peacefully on Thursday. Unfortunately I went through the same experience two months later with my father in law. Last intake on Sunday - peacefully went on Thursday. Both situations were made more bearable with the help of Vitas hospice. It is just not easy for the family no matter what you do - we aren't ready but they are. God bless you all.

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Old 02-16-2008, 01:15 AM #4
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Hi wittz! Just read your post. I will keep your mom, and the entire family in my prayers. Let's pray to God it's not going to take too long. I know what you are going through is hard. From what you have posted she will have a beautiful departure, sorrounded by loved ones. As I read your post it reminded me of my son's departure. It was peaceful, hard on the family, but we accepted what was taking place. Soon your sweet mom is going to be free of pain. I know it's hard to say good bye, but He will not let you down. He will be there for you, no matter what. My son started showing signs of departing on a Saturday evening about 7:00 pm, he was gone the next day, Sunday at 5:50 pm. We stayed up the whole time, until he left us. I will be praying for your family. It's going to be painful for a while, but with every passing day, He will give you peace and comfort. May God bless each one of you, and Dear Mom may you go in peace.

Irma
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Old 02-16-2008, 09:51 AM #5
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Prayers for a quick passing for your mom----surrounded by loved ones.
Peace to you in the coming days and weeks ahead.
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Old 02-16-2008, 10:13 PM #6
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I would also like to add my prayers for you and your familly and your dear mom for a quick and peacefull passing.God this disease is so hard and horrible for all involved.I lost my husband a month ago and I am so thankfull that he no longer suffers he is now at peace and free on the other side of pain and torment.....Gina
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Old 02-17-2008, 01:47 AM #7
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Default Gentle Reminder

It makes me think of the times I struggled thinking that I was going to leave my small children and the life that i had planned. Just thinking that I could have a fatal disease.
The idea that kept coming to my mind is that I had such a hard life that God didn't want me to suffer anymore He wanted me home. Whether or not you have had a hard life or not God has a reason for wanting you to be with him at this time. I know that we tend to think of it in terms of what about our family what about our grandchildren what about the plans I thougnt that you gave me? But the bottom line and most assuring is that God knows the perfect time for our exit. I do not want to go through one more bit of sufferingt on this planet than i have to. God's timing is perfect and in the end those who are left behind will learn something if we hav ebeen faithful in doing our job while we were here.
Dying is a season of life, we will all do it and let us embrace it gracefully.

This reminds me of something that i experienced where i work in the ER. I watched a women die while her daughter watched the monitor instead of carrasing her mothers head and telling her mom its okay go I love you. Another words. safe journey and I willl see you on the other side. Instead this poor woman died gasping and wondering probably if this would be her last breath looking at me, eye to eye. I was devestated.
Those 3 minutes that we aginul breath our last breath we waith our whole lifes to do. Death , crossing over....let it be peaceful loving and give the person permission to go in peace and with love. We waith our whole lives for that 2 t 3 minutes and thats it.
Sorry if I have gone on too long I work in ER and see it all the time. Just my opinion
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Old 02-22-2008, 05:14 PM #8
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Hi all, just a quick update...Mom is still with us but just barely. For the first few days, she was awake enough to be out in the living room receiving guests, and a lot of people came...but as she wound down, so did the company (which was a good thing) and now things are fairly quiet. Mom is sedated - we found the right mix of meds that would keep her that way after yesterday when she was clearly very unhappy - and today her body is showing signs of shutting down. This is just the way Mom would want it and we are respecting her wishes. It hurts so much to say goodbye but I also know that Mom is going to find release soon. Best wishes to all.

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Old 02-22-2008, 07:53 PM #9
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Hi Witzz! I just read your post. I am sorry. I know i will face it to down the road the only thing i can say is be strong for your mom. Spend as much time with her as possible. I will be praying for you and your family. May God bless you during this time!
Amanda
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Old 02-23-2008, 11:56 AM #10
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Our thoughts are with you, Witzz. Be extra good to yourselves during this difficult time! Cindy
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Old 02-23-2008, 01:52 PM #11
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My heart goes to you Witzz. Stay strong. My prayers are with your Mom that she doesn't suffer and God takes her peacefully.

Sincerely,
Mary Jo
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Old 02-26-2008, 04:36 PM #12
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Default You okay?

Just a quick prayer and thought for you and your family...my heart goes out to you...life can be so hard. How can we get through? This place..a place of love and of understanding for yor suffering..that's how. You are thought of and cared for and loved. And if at all let us help you carry some of your pain.
God love you
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Old 02-26-2008, 08:25 PM #13
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I just read your post and my prayers go out to you, your family & mother. May the Lord bless all of you and give you the strength to face each day.
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Old 02-29-2008, 08:33 AM #14
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Default Mom is gone 2/25

Hi all,

Thanks so much for your words of support, once again.

Mom did die, in the morning on 2/25. She was courageous to the last. By last Thursday sometime, she was sedated and then we believe she slipped into a coma at some point, but we kept giving her meds to make sure she stayed comfortable. She looked relaxed and stable and then suddenly Monday morning, her breathing changed and within about 20 minutes, she was gone.

If there's anyone out there with a loved one who really doesn't want to live anymore and doesn't want to wait for nature to take its course (for whatever reason), this is not an easy way to go, but it can be made gentle with meds and love.

I miss her so much but I respect her decision.

Best wishes,

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Old 02-29-2008, 11:29 AM #15
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Hi wittz, may God bless you, and your family during this time of mourning. May your sweet mother rest in peace. Thanks for letting us know. Take care of yourself.

Irma
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