Old 07-05-2016, 03:20 PM #1
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Default He's mad at me so he won't eat or drink

Sunday he had a bad day - I guess he did because he cried but he won't tell me why he cried. I have no clue because he will not talk to me. I came home from work today and all of the bills were on the couch. Well clearly he didn't do that on his own. He had the caregiver get all the bills and read thru everything! I was late on two bills so he was nasty. I apologized and said they were paid but over a month late. I explained that everything is so overwhelming and I'm having a hard time keeping up with everything. I started to cry because I'm overwhelmed and I feel underappreciated. I'm tired of him not talking to me. I told him that emotionally I have so much going on in my head and I can't talk to him and that i wish he would talk to me or talk to someone about his feelings. He said he's fine. He's dying and he's ok with it. Of course him saying that made me practically hysterical. He wouldn't look at me so I went outside and then into the other room to work. I keep going in there trying to make him drink because he's always dehydrated but he's refusing just saying he's fine. He's barely eaten today and he's refusing that as well. I know he's doing this to spite me and it's making me so mad. I guess I should ignore it? He'll eventually eat. It's just so hard for me. I told him that my dad is bringing us a pizza from a pizza place we love and asked if he's going to eat it and he said no pizza is too hard for him to eat so I said I'll cut it up to make it easier and he said no, it's not that same that way so he's not eating. OMG I want to scream. I just don't have anyone to talk to this is all too much.
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Old 07-05-2016, 03:29 PM #2
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Default Re: He's mad at me so he won't eat or drink

Is there anyone from your family or friends who can come in and give you a few hours out? Get a massage, get your nails done....anything to make yourself feel better. You probably could use some counseling and some rest. Talk to your ALSA representative.
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Old 07-05-2016, 03:55 PM #3
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Default Re: He's mad at me so he won't eat or drink

yep my Chris would deliberately refuse food, fluids or care tasks when he was mad at me.

He knew the thing that would upset me most was him not being cared for well.

Even with FTD my Chris was able to remain very cunning

The only way I coped really was by recognising it was the disease process and venting to other CALS privately who understood. It was NOT EASY so I'm hugging you hard.
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Old 07-05-2016, 03:56 PM #4
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Default Re: He's mad at me so he won't eat or drink

Oh and "I'm fine" used to drive me nearly hysterical inside as it was his favourite response when he was just shutting me out. I learned not to react outwardly, but inwardly I hated those two words more than anything
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Old 07-05-2016, 04:02 PM #5
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Default Re: He's mad at me so he won't eat or drink

Jayswife, I understand where you are coming from. While Tom is never abusive and always asks for things politely, saying will you or can you and not demanding, he is not one to share his feelings. So I am left not really knowing what he is thinking or feeling. He either cannot or will not take in enough calories even with the PEG tube. He will not use the Bi-Pap either. Yet he says he is "not ready to go yet". I am by nature a control freak so it is very difficult for me but I am letting him make his own choices. He knows the ramifications of not getting enough calories and not using the bi-pap so if that is his choice so be it. I think that if I were in your situation and Tom were acting like a child and not eating to spite me, I would just ignore him and go about my business. Would I feel guilty? You betcha! Would I let him know that? Not a chance!
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Old 07-05-2016, 04:32 PM #6
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Default Re: He's mad at me so he won't eat or drink

Jays wife - I agree with everyone here. Brian too can be cunning and now I too suspect FTD after reading all of Tillie's info. That said, I would also do as Sklocinski suggested, as I do that too. Walk away, act like you don't care (hard to do, easy to say) just don't let him know it's killing you inside. I can't tell you how hard I try and fail at just that, knowing full well if he knows it's working, I'm doomed. Hang in there and Huge hugs.

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Old 07-07-2016, 03:36 PM #7
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Default Re: He's mad at me so he won't eat or drink

Sweetie, you can not control him, but he is working hard to control you. If he won't eat, let him know that if he changes his mind you will fix something for him.

If this is now how he behaved before, just keep reminding yourself that it's the disease.

Big hugs to you.

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