Moving forward

Yes the trip was good for both of us.

I’m just having a rough week again. I want the rough weeks to end. I know I didn’t get to grieve much at the beginning so it’s hitting me now. I understand that, and I know the year isn’t going to be easy or the next.

Since I had him for so long with this monster, it feels like PTSD would be the best way to describe it. I can’t say what it would be like had it been fast progression w/o the vent, because that is not the road we took, but from my perspective I would not lengthen the time of this beast if I could go back. However though, when I asked Brian knowing what he knew now would he still vent, he said definitely. So for him it was good. That’s all I can ask for.

DD is off to the counselor, we will see how her appt goes. I’m trying so hard to stay positive in front of her as she doesn’t need another thing on her plate to cause her worry while at school.

I think what Lenore is going through now it really hitting me as well. It’s still so fresh and I can feel her pain.

hugs all

The grief is much more difficult than I anticipated. Add PTSD and losing two of your loved ones, has to be even more difficult.

I am praying for you. Maybe later on, it might be beneficial to see a counselor for yourself. I know you tried that while still a CALS but maybe it will help?

I was surprised at how much it helped me.

Hugs friend!

I tried to look at it that every really hard day I got through meant that was another day that was done with, one more down so to speak. I had no idea how many there would be, but that was one less.

PTSD is a HUGE part of the grief after we lose our PALS and it hits in many ways. Love you girl, it's not easy on this side that's for sure xxx

I am suspecting that the degree of PTSD you are feeling Sue May stay a bit outside my grasp. Honestly, I think I’d lose my mind for good dealing with this for as many years as you have. Notice I say “have” because I get even now that it will remain present tense for a long time.

I wish you or I could say “he’s gone, I’m away from ALS” but truly, we can’t because it remains the reason for the loss and it leaves indelible memories. I think it’s very much a “special case” condition, and the surviving CALS are effected in a unique way.

I know one thing from past grief though is a good for you to keep working through it like you are. Regardless of how long or relatively short it is for you to find your “new normal” in life, just keep working through it and letting yourself experience it.

I tried to jump over a past grief and ended up sitting five years later suddenly feeling like it all came about yesterday. Grief will not be refused, it’s only deferred. Big hugs!

Thank you everyone.

Today I made an appt with a counselor. It won’t happen until the 28th due to his vaca backing up against mine, but it does happen the day after I come back.

I also sent an email to my Dr about upping my Zoloft for a bit. She wanted to in Dec and I felt ok, of course I had not idea 6 weeks later I’d lose my Dad.

Got my tooth crowned today and tomorrow I have to go into work for the audit thing. That will probably kill tomorrow when I get back.

Hugs

So glad you are making positive steps forward. Vaca will be a good thing for sure!

I had an appt with my counselor today. It is always good to talk through things with her.

That sounds like a great idea. I need to get that in motion now.

The risk audit today went well. Way better than I could have even hoped so that was a very big plus for my day. My BIL and I are going to have a sit down when I get back and really go over all the work stuff and get a plan together. I’m also thinking that when I get back, it might be good to move my office back to the shop, not sure yet, we will see.

Working on a new knitting project I’m hoping it turns out like I think it should.

Over all it’s been a good day.

I see I haven’t updated in a few days. Been too worried and in prayer for Lenore.

Things have been going lots better this week, and I’m getting excited and started packing for my trip.

We’ve actually had some sun the past couple of days and that always helps.

Have a great day all

I'm so glad your feeling better and Yes.....the sunshine is a huge mood booster. Keep thinking about that upcoming trip. What a great thing to look forward to!

Sunshine does wonders. I used to tell Cliff that sunshine and flowers make me happy!

I'm glad things are better the last few days!

So much for sun. We had 70 the day before yesterday and I have a dusting of snow today. BLAH

However, I’m going to a knit show this afternoon with a friends. Can’t wait to see all the awesome yarns.

Hugs

You go girl! Have fun!

Hang in there Sue....Spring is right around the corner! We get teased with a few good days and then BAM a quick snow storm. The good news is the old and new snow melt pretty quickly on those nice days! I'm ready for some nice weather myself as I had a major ankle and foot surgery January 3rd and have watched the winter through my bedroom window. I'm so ready for some fresh air and sunshine and a bit more human contact. I hope your knitting show was a great one! Jlynn

I’m hoping your days will slowly get better Sue. Mine have slowly improved- although disbelief is a nearly constant visitor. How did ALS claim someone as strong & vital as my Dave? How do many of us cope with that same question.....? I too believe I “suffer” from a type of PTSD. Outwardly I seem pretty good. But I have an almost insatiable desire for sleep. Maybe it’s an escape - that’s what I’m thinking. Anyway Sue, day by day, step by step - here’s wishing you better days ahead!