NinaP
Distinguished member
- Joined
- May 24, 2018
- Messages
- 151
- Reason
- Lost a loved one
- Diagnosis
- 04/2018
- Country
- GR
- State
- KO
- City
- Ptolemaida
Anyone else has quilt trips? The last days have been very difficult, i mean the last days of mum, how she couldnt breath, i woUld stay up all night outside her bedroom and getting inside asking her to go to the hospital.
I regret everytime i raised my voice to her when she will wake me up to turn her around or fix her pillow again and again or when she will wait for me awake not trusting the PT i had hired for a few hours so i could go out for a bit.
These thoughts i cant shake away you know. Day is lets say more easy, i go to work, and maybe for a cofee, Saturday night i got out till late after a long time. But when i go to bed i remember everything, her eyes, her eyes, her hands, her smiles.
I want to forget her. Forget everything. I dont know.I want to forget how she was coughing all night, Iam so sick of these memories. Sick of them. My mother was such a star, full of life, everyday. Damn. I cant remember her, i dont want to anymore. I try to talk about this to someone but they just dont understand you know. They dont. I feel like my mum was taken from me, in every way, Connected to these horrible memories you know.
Is this so difficult only to me? I dont know how to take a distance from this thing. The other day i realised i was repeated the same again and again, and i told myself stop. Stop. Dont think. Dont think. Forget, forget. Just venting,
I regret everytime i raised my voice to her when she will wake me up to turn her around or fix her pillow again and again or when she will wait for me awake not trusting the PT i had hired for a few hours so i could go out for a bit.
These thoughts i cant shake away you know. Day is lets say more easy, i go to work, and maybe for a cofee, Saturday night i got out till late after a long time. But when i go to bed i remember everything, her eyes, her eyes, her hands, her smiles.
I want to forget her. Forget everything. I dont know.I want to forget how she was coughing all night, Iam so sick of these memories. Sick of them. My mother was such a star, full of life, everyday. Damn. I cant remember her, i dont want to anymore. I try to talk about this to someone but they just dont understand you know. They dont. I feel like my mum was taken from me, in every way, Connected to these horrible memories you know.
Is this so difficult only to me? I dont know how to take a distance from this thing. The other day i realised i was repeated the same again and again, and i told myself stop. Stop. Dont think. Dont think. Forget, forget. Just venting,
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