Beautiful but ghoulish day

Another beautiful morning, another clear sky day. I am privileged to take my daughter to Einstein's bagelry before school.

Then I'm going to sort through my wife's old papers. She kept every thank you card, every congratulations, every one of our kids' report cards and kindergarten projects. It's very emotional going through them all and throwing away things I'll never use. But I guess it has to be done.

Pretty close to Christmas for such a ghoulish task.

The things I don't seem to be able to touch are her nightshirts from Prague and the Kino drive-in movie in Germany.

Oh Mile, so get it! Did you consider giving some of those things to your kids? Know they might not appreciate now- but the time will come when they'll get a kick out of old report cards. Hugs to you as you attack a hard job!

We, as humans, tend to keep memories, and fill our houses with them. I have many. But life is different now. I had originally planned to live in a big house with my wife and visiting grandchildren, and be surrounded by memories I could proudly show off. But now that all seems ridiculous.

I am nomadic by nature. When I joined the navy at 17 I had 21 addresses to list. I've since had 20 more, I'm sure. Today literally most of my possessions are in brown boxes in the garage. I never really unpacked after Krissy died, we just left everything boxed up.

Eventually, in a year or two, I expect I'll I'll move to Virginia Beach. Less heat, less rain, younger people. Closer to the snow, closer to the ocean where I can sail once more. But I'm torn what to do: Unpack and root through everything. Do I keep memories, then repack to move and unpack again?

I could easily be homeless when my daughter goes to college. When single, I never needed a house before, except as a place to bring girls to. Now I suppose that part of my life is over, so why bother? I could chuck everything a live in a rented closet with little housekeeping to do.

The day gets more beautiful. I've moved my laptop over to the window where my desk is so I can sort through papers.

Hi Mike,

Do you have a scanner? You could scan some of those paper things (cards, report cards) so that you still have some form of them should you decide you want them later. Then you don't have to keep dragging the physical items around with you, but you can still see/access later if you or your kids desire.

Good luck with such a hard task.

Sincerely,
--Suzannah

that comes down to be the hardiest thing we had to do. after are daughter past away we lift all of her stuff in her room till we moved. at that point we had to go through her stuff then. still to this day we have some lift that we really need to go through but can't bring are self to do it.

something you just don't know what to keep. i hope you do better with this then we did

Thanks Suzannah, I can scan some things.
Thanks Davbo. I can't imagine losing a daughter. Tears well up just thinking about it. Whoops. Need to take my meds.
Tnans Cheerleader. I gave my daughter her stuff and she got a kick out of it.

Think I'll start writing on my blog now, and post some photos.

I thought I'd given all the school reports etc to my kids, and when cleaning out a shed after Chris passed I found a whole plastic crate of the stuff! I've only got as far as it is in my study. You know I'm going to go through it as I'm seeing 3 of the kids over xmas, ha they will be so pleased ... :twisted:

It's so hard Mike, we want the stuff but we don't.

My Chris was a hoarder, I've had to sort through and get rid of trailers full of stuff. I've done all his personal stuff and clothes. No, my daughters did most of that for me, it would have been so very hard, so I know why you can't shift those nightshirts.

Atsugi said:

Thanks Suzannah, I can scan some things.
Thanks Davbo. I can't imagine losing a daughter. Tears well up just thinking about it. Whoops. Need to take my meds.
Tnans Cheerleader. I gave my daughter her stuff and she got a kick out of it.

Think I'll start writing on my blog now, and post some photos.

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i was having tears to thinking of you going through your wife stuff. but you know what their not so bad of tears when it comes to the good things you had together. i find that's the most to hold on to.

Mike, I hope that today has brought more wonderful memories than tears. What a difficult tast, but as you say, one that must be done. I'm glad that you picked a beautiful day to go through your wife's things and hope you felt the warmth of her love in that sunshine.

Mike, others have said it all so well--I don't have anything worthwhile to add but just to let you know one more person here is keeping you in thought and wishing you another beautiful day as you tackle this difficult task. Wishing you good memories to bring a smile, even amidst the pain.

The best to you.

After my mom died, my father didnt change a thing about their bedroom. Her bathrobe hung in the same spot, her clothes in the dressers, etc. He just couldnt bear to do it. My dad died 13 months after my mom. Four of us went to clean out the house. It was so incredibly emotional. I feel for you Mike. Do what you can when you are able. It is such a difficult task. Hugs for you today.

Btw, we have lived in Chesapeake,VA and spent a lot.of time in Virginia Beach. We loved it there and it has always been our retirement place of choice.....

gooseberry said:

Btw, we have lived in Chesapeake,VA and spent a lot.of time in Virginia Beach. We loved it there and it has always been our retirement place of choice.....

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Thanks. It's a big decision, so I appreciate the feedback.

5 months out tomorrow. My house is slowly becoming less shrine-like. That being said, Haydens sweater is still at the front door, glasses in the bathroom, etc.

Slow but sure...Living by the ocean sound wonderful and healing btw

8 months today ...

I realised one day this week that a pair of Chris's glasses are still sitting on a kitchen bench. I don't look at that section much because that is where I piled all of the condolence cards that were sent and I've not managed to touch them again once since I opened each on arrival, read it and then added to the pile...

I hope you achieved a lot on your guoulish day Mike, and it felt good to achieve once done.

I still have so many things packed into wardrobes, and now they are packed in I can't imagine getting the energy to start pulling any out to sort through!

>That being said, Haydens sweater is still at the front door, glasses in the bathroom, etc.